Why do women let motherhood destroy their marriages...

[Anonymous]

I didn't care about myself enough to set limits on how much of my time, energy, and money he could lay claim to for himself. But I did love my kids enough to learn how to say no to him so I had something left to give them. He couldn't adjust to not being #1 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

I will never understand the concept of it wanting children. I do understand that some people simply can't have them. But children are so far and away the best thing to ever happen to me

[Anonymous]

Stupid spell check... I meant will never understand *not* wanting to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, are there ANY men out there that DO NOT want children? If so, let me know.

Some women are under the impression that every woman on earth wants children and that's so not the case. I don't want them but have countless friends pressuring me to find a mate and procreate and I'm like ugh. Marriage I can do and yes, I would screwing my husband daily but I know children would ruin that for me.

About to marry for second time. Pretty big draw for us both is that I didn't want additional children. He's find of my kids. However, the youngest is a tween and we can realistically plan for an empty nest and we have kid-free nights and weekends already.

[Anonymous]

I am a perfect example of what the OP is complaining about. After our kids were born, I poured all my energy into them and let the marital relationship slide. I thought that being a good parent, and doing most of the work around the house, would be enough. The marriage wound up being last, after work and kids and boring household maintenance stuff. Sex and even date night or cuddling were always last in priority - if something else came up, they were always the thing that got postponed. Now our marriage is on the rocks. My spouse no longer shows any affection and barely communicates with me at all. The number one thing I failed to understand over the past decade is that you don't have separate "duty to kids" and "duty to marriage", they are the same. Your kids will suffer if the marriage fails so you owe it to your kids to spend the time needed to maintain the marriage.

Where I differ from the OP is that the person who overinvested in attention to kids at the expense of the marriage - that is, me - am a man, and the OP seems to think only women do this. Sometimes fatherhood can destroy a marriage, too...

[Anonymous]

I did not read all 13 pages. Pardon me if this has been said already.

There's a lot of pressure among women to be the best mom, even mommy martyr. That usually wears off when kids get older and you stop giving a shit what other people think about your parenting.

Do you want to fix your marriage or get a divorce? Have you tried a blunt conversation or counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not read all 13 pages. Pardon me if this has been said already.

There's a lot of pressure among women to be the best mom, even mommy martyr. That usually wears off when kids get older and you stop giving a shit what other people think about your parenting.

Do you want to fix your marriage or get a divorce? Have you tried a blunt conversation or counseling?

It is called SuperMOM syndrome.
Self respecting husbands don't put up with this selfish crap and will initiate the blunt conversations.
Then if SuperMOM clings to her cape, he cheats and/or divorces long before the kids get older and SuperMOM emerges from her fog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a perfect example of what the OP is complaining about. After our kids were born, I poured all my energy into them and let the marital relationship slide. I thought that being a good parent, and doing most of the work around the house, would be enough. The marriage wound up being last, after work and kids and boring household maintenance stuff. Sex and even date night or cuddling were always last in priority - if something else came up, they were always the thing that got postponed. Now our marriage is on the rocks. My spouse no longer shows any affection and barely communicates with me at all. The number one thing I failed to understand over the past decade is that you don't have separate "duty to kids" and "duty to marriage", they are the same. Your kids will suffer if the marriage fails so you owe it to your kids to spend the time needed to maintain the marriage.

Where I differ from the OP is that the person who overinvested in attention to kids at the expense of the marriage - that is, me - am a man, and the OP seems to think only women do this. Sometimes fatherhood can destroy a marriage, too...

This is all so true. It's sad how often it happens. Your marriage--the person you pledged "in sickness and health, til death do us part, I promise to love and cherish you" gets tossed aside like an old bag. The people who do this ought to be ashamed of themselves for treating the love of their life so poorly. And if you can't call them the love of your life, you're a disaster.

[Anonymous]

I think that a lot of women hit 30, get worried that they can't have children, and then settle for a guy who can be the father of her children, which they have right away. Once the children come, she realizes that he isn't right for her.

I really believe that there should be a 5 year wait between marriage and children to avoid this situation. But that means a lot more early marriages.

[Anonymous]

OP, here are two solutions to save your marriage:

1) Fuck your wife. If she's not in the mood, find a time when she is. Initiate until it becomes habit.

2) Plan and prepay for dates twice a month. This includes arranging a sitter. Do this until it becomes habit.

Do these things and everything else will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that a lot of women hit 30, get worried that they can't have children, and then settle for a guy who can be the father of her children, which they have right away. Once the children come, she realizes that he isn't right for her.

I really believe that there should be a 5 year wait between marriage and children to avoid this situation. But that means a lot more early marriages.

Ah, conception after wedding. Oops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's sad that she's too busy caring for your children to care for the other baby in the household, you.

LMAO

[Anonymous]

Cause women figure out that besides being a sperm donar men aren't necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:societal pressure. hormones. lack of support from DH. working mother's guilt.

take your pick. be honest. talk to her. go to counseling. don't be an asshole.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

She would be a perfect match for my DH.