Why do women let motherhood destroy their marriages...

[Anonymous]

I am on the verge of divorcing my DW. The reason is she is an obsessive mother to the point that the kids take all of her "time" and she ignores the marital relationship. Why don't women realize that they need to keep the home fires burning with their DH's and are surprised when the kids fly the coop that DH does not want to stick around?

[Anonymous]

Can you please provide a few more clearer details on this?

It sounds like you may be divorcing your wife over simply being a good, if not perfect mother.

How old is your child?
If she is caring for an infant especially, consider this just a temporary phase.

[Anonymous]

societal pressure. hormones. lack of support from DH. working mother's guilt.

take your pick. be honest. talk to her. go to counseling. don't be an asshole.

[Anonymous]

I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

^^should say NOT because she's madly in love.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's sad that she's too busy caring for your children to care for the other baby in the household, you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP You're not going to get much support here because most of the women on this board ARE the woman you describe.

[Anonymous]

Women don't marry for love, they marry for the paycheck the man can provide and babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

These things have nothing to do with her being the mother and certainly aren't worth stereotyping all women over. I bet she's about as interested in your hobby of book reading as you are about her hobby of keeping the house a certain way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on the verge of divorcing my DW. The reason is she is an obsessive mother to the point that the kids take all of her "time" and she ignores the marital relationship. Why don't women realize that they need to keep the home fires burning with their DH's and are surprised when the kids fly the coop that DH does not want to stick around?

It sounds like she is overwhelmed picking up your parenting slack.

[Anonymous]

I'm not defending your wife, OP. With one kid who is a teenager (and presumably no special needs) one would think that she would be ready to spend more time with her partner and help her child grow up/independent. However, I do think that when kids are young and take more time and/or have special needs, the marital relationship does need to take a backseat to the kids' needs. I find I worry more about my teens and still have a lot to do to help them grow up to be independent and productive adults. But they aren't a time suck like little kids so we have lots of time now. But it's a rekindling process and working on developing common interests again just like when we were first married.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's just not that into you.

[Anonymous]

You've posted before OP and it sounds like your wife sucks. Does she know you've been planning divorce for years? I think it's only fair that you give her a heads up so she can try to fix the problem. Maybe try doing a few sweet and thoughtful things for her to soften her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

You don't have kids, you are not qualified to comment on this thread.