Why do women let motherhood destroy their marriages...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not just women . People don't prioritize their relationship once kids arrive and then they scratch their heads about why a spouse is cheating or they are on the verge of divorce.

People are obsessed with their kids on a way that is not heat for anyone. Especially true in this area.

Yes I have kids.

^This!

-another parent

You know, I agree that spouses have to make time for each other throughout their lives, even during the difficult little kids phase (if they opt for children). But we don't know that this DW is guilty of obsessive parenting. We have only the word of the DH. He could very well be one of those assholes who thinks basic parenting is over-parenting because he's not interested in doing anything. The only way it works out well is if parents act like partners in all of it. It could be that DW is one of those over-parenting types, but DH could be a whiny, lazy asshole and DW is fed up with him.

We only have the word of one person every single time a post is made in this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

You don't have kids, you are not qualified to comment on this thread.

Meh, you don't need to have kids to recognize an extremely common dynamic. I see so many of my girlfriends ignore their marriages for the kids and then wonder why their marriages fall apart. It's like they've bought into this silly notion that unless they sacrifice their own happiness on every level they aren't good mothers. The ones who prioritize their marriages are happy, have calmer children, and enjoy family life. Same for the dads. Kids need the stability of knowing their parents put each other first. I'm qualified to say this because I saw it with my own parents. They loved us to death but put each other first. I had a tremendously secure and happy childhood.

And now you're an insufferable twat. Good to know!

She's an insufferable twat because you disagree with her? You're the one who sounds insufferable!

[Anonymous]

What did my parents get right that a lot of people on these boards don't? 1) my mother recognized my father was the primary breadwinner (he worked two jobs); 2) she worked too at a professional job with a flexible schedule; 3) my Mom said she learned early on in the marriage that not all the housework needs to get done and the house dies not need to be perfect despite what her mother thought; 4) US made or Japanese cars were just fine; 5) vacations at grandma's were just fine. Am I missing anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand the tired excuse. Your tired because of a lot duties but they still get done but somehow that duty gets pushed to the side because somehow that's the least important issue.

Resentment. When my husband forces me by default to earn 50% of the money and do 90% of the chores, I am tired AND resentful. Capiche?

Makes sense but why is everyone assuming this is the case with OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

You don't have kids, you are not qualified to comment on this thread.

Meh, you don't need to have kids to recognize an extremely common dynamic. I see so many of my girlfriends ignore their marriages for the kids and then wonder why their marriages fall apart. It's like they've bought into this silly notion that unless they sacrifice their own happiness on every level they aren't good mothers. The ones who prioritize their marriages are happy, have calmer children, and enjoy family life. Same for the dads. Kids need the stability of knowing their parents put each other first. I'm qualified to say this because I saw it with my own parents. They loved us to death but put each other first. I had a tremendously secure and happy childhood.

And now you're an insufferable twat. Good to know!

She's an insufferable twat because you disagree with her? You're the one who sounds insufferable!

No, and I don't even (completely) disagree with her. She's an insufferable twat for stereotyping her so-called girlfriends, making sweeping generalizations about things she hasn't personally experienced, and then saying she's qualified to tell parents how to parent because she has parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand the tired excuse. Your tired because of a lot duties but they still get done but somehow that duty gets pushed to the side because somehow that's the least important issue.

Sex should be fun. It shouldn't be a duty. I've had duty sex. It was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand the tired excuse. Your tired because of a lot duties but they still get done but somehow that duty gets pushed to the side because somehow that's the least important issue.

Sex should be fun. It shouldn't be a duty. I've had duty sex. It was awful.

For some women who have husbands it turns into that for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't understand the tired excuse. Your tired because of a lot duties but they still get done but somehow that duty gets pushed to the side because somehow that's the least important issue.

Resentment. When my husband forces me by default to earn 50% of the money and do 90% of the chores, I am tired AND resentful. Capiche?

So your purposely hurting your husband? Way to be a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

You don't have kids, you are not qualified to comment on this thread.

Meh, you don't need to have kids to recognize an extremely common dynamic. I see so many of my girlfriends ignore their marriages for the kids and then wonder why their marriages fall apart. It's like they've bought into this silly notion that unless they sacrifice their own happiness on every level they aren't good mothers. The ones who prioritize their marriages are happy, have calmer children, and enjoy family life. Same for the dads. Kids need the stability of knowing their parents put each other first. I'm qualified to say this because I saw it with my own parents. They loved us to death but put each other first. I had a tremendously secure and happy childhood.

And now you're an insufferable twat. Good to know!

She's an insufferable twat because you disagree with her? You're the one who sounds insufferable!

No, and I don't even (completely) disagree with her. She's an insufferable twat for stereotyping her so-called girlfriends, making sweeping generalizations about things she hasn't personally experienced, and then saying she's qualified to tell parents how to parent because she has parents.

[Anonymous]

Nice! Why do women turn on women so? I'll bet the PP calling her a twat considers herself a "feminist."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

Sorry, OP...that sounds awful. what did you have in common before marriage/children? Could you try booking an activity so she has to go? Not sure what you're into, but do something outside a restaurant: Rock climbing, canoeing, biking, etc. Maybe even find a fashion show/event to attend with her...might be a good first step to show you're going beyond meeting her half way. This may sound silly, but my DH and I have "conversation" cards I bought off of amazon -- good ice breaker for when you're lacking communication. Have you told her how you feel? If shes not willing to put in the effort to revive your marriage, I'd say find someone who will. Once your teen goes to college it'll be very lonely/awkward for you two.

Circling back around, but most of the time DW says "she doesn't have time" to do things I plan b/c the house needs to be cleaned, the yard work done, etc. etc. In my household this sh*t didn't matter much. As to the above activities, I was an avid biker before I met DW. I took off work one day in order for us to go biking, she decided to go shopping instead, but didn't tell me about it, so I say home waiting for her ! I had free tickets to a fashion show (Fashion Week) that I got through work. I took her. We even had VIP access. She accused me of flirting with other women there when I was getting drinks at the bar, pouted the rest of the evening and wanted to go home. We now have a trip planeed to Paris next week, and she is bitching about the time she is taking off of work to go b/c she "could be earning more money."

[Anonymous]

I have a girlfriend who is doing this right now. Her daughter is 2 years old.

She married at 27 to a man I could tell she didn't really love in the way you'd hope to love your husband, although she tried to convince herself.

He is rich of course and got her a huge ring.

He got a vasectomy recently behind her back, and she is livid.

But I know he is probably feeling completely shut out and used as a paycheck because 100% of her attention goes to her baby and she becomes angry if he even so much as calls her during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a girlfriend who is doing this right now. Her daughter is 2 years old.

She married at 27 to a man I could tell she didn't really love in the way you'd hope to love your husband, although she tried to convince herself.

He is rich of course and got her a huge ring.

He got a vasectomy recently behind her back, and she is livid.

But I know he is probably feeling completely shut out and used as a paycheck because 100% of her attention goes to her baby and she becomes angry if he even so much as calls her during the day.

SuperMOM syndrome.
I predict he will find comfort in the arms of another woman.

[Anonymous]

Woman here, are there ANY men out there that DO NOT want children? If so, let me know.

Some women are under the impression that every woman on earth wants children and that's so not the case. I don't want them but have countless friends pressuring me to find a mate and procreate and I'm like ugh. Marriage I can do and yes, I would screwing my husband daily but I know children would ruin that for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, are there ANY men out there that DO NOT want children? If so, let me know.

Some women are under the impression that every woman on earth wants children and that's so not the case. I don't want them but have countless friends pressuring me to find a mate and procreate and I'm like ugh. Marriage I can do and yes, I would screwing my husband daily but I know children would ruin that for me.

I am 100% with you.