Why do women let motherhood destroy their marriages...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP You're not going to get much support here because most of the women on this board ARE the woman you describe.

+1

There's is a balance to everything you do in life. As a woman when I read some of these threads the obsession over every little details of their child's lives is incredible. I don't know if it's boredom or if it's a D.C. culture issue... I really don't know. I have been around many women with husbands that successfully balance spending time with husband and time with children.

[Anonymous]

OP- how often do you have sex?

[Anonymous]

Wait, is this the same guy with one teen DD who constantly posts about his horrible wife but refuses to bite the bullet and actually leave her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

How many married (not to you) men have you banged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

You two have bigger problems than her motherhood.
Agree with a PP, she's not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

Maybe you could do some stuff with your teen together, go shopping with her, or have the neighbors over for a dinner that you prepare.

I sort of picture your wife going to athletic events with your child and participating as an active volunteer, then coming home and working on the lawn and chatting with the neighbors while you sit inside listening to music and peeking out the windows at her fuming that she isn't spending any time with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

You don't have kids, you are not qualified to comment on this thread.

I do have three kids, a full time job, etc... And I agree with the PP.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if DHs did their share of the househild labor DW's would not "obsess" over it. Maybe if DHs took responsibility for their own lives and happiness they would not have to blame DWs for being boring. Maybe if DHs did not place all responsibility for the relationship's health on DWs then the relationship will be healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

You have no idea what being a working mother with kids entails. It's not chosing children; it's the fact that children are enormously time and energy consuming. if the DH as they so often do fails to pitch in, then they cease (of their OWN accord) to be your "number one teammate.".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, is this the same guy with one teen DD who constantly posts about his horrible wife but refuses to bite the bullet and actually leave her?

Yes, it's him again! He's like a bad penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

You two have bigger problems than her motherhood.
Agree with a PP, she's not that into you.

Actuallyk, it's 24% of my income before taxes. So, it feels like a much bigger bite once taxes, health insurance, retirement, etc. are taken out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We're not talking about an infant, tolddler or even ES age child here. We have a fully functional teen, yet DW insists on doing everything for her. She is way too involved in her life and day-to-day life for the child's age and the child is chafing at it.

Added to this is that the be all and end all of everything is the goddamned house. I pay 1/3 of my salary towards it every month, so you damn right I hate it. DW puts nothing towards it even though she makes just as much money as me. DW never wants to do anything fun. She wants to clean the house and have the perfect lawn, which means me doing the work or paying for it. She is uninteresting. The only things she talks about are shopping, work and the neighbors.

When I suggest we do things, or she listen to a certain piece of music or read a book she says she "doesn't have time." No, DW, you will not make time that is the difference and it is destroying your marriage.

You two have bigger problems than her motherhood.
Agree with a PP, she's not that into you.

Actuallyk, it's 24% of my income before taxes. So, it feels like a much bigger bite once taxes, health insurance, retirement, etc. are taken out.

is she on the deed and/or mortgage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have an answer for you but I agree with you. (I'm a woman, FWIW, no kids, don't want them.) It just so often seems like a woman wants to get married now because she's madly in love with her husband, but because the husband is a means to an end (children). Then the children come and the husband is secondary, always. I don't get it. Your spouse is supposed to be your number one teammate and life partner. And don't you want your kids to have a marriage to someone they are madly in love with? Don't you want to set an example of what true love looks like? I'm with you OP.

^^should say NOT because she's madly in love.

+1
Woman here who completely agrees that I'm baffled when I see some women act like this. Thankfully the women I know are able to keep some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Wonder how she'll be when the teen goes to college.

[Anonymous]

Why don't DH's understand that they can't just go to work and do nothing else with the kids and have DW not be too exhausted for the marital relationship?