Oyster-Adam teacher arrested

[Anonymous]

The two best teachers my child has had have been men. By far better than all the others. My brother is also an amazing teacher of autistic children. It would be a shame if the fear-mongorers prevented them from doing their calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two best teachers my child has had have been men. By far better than all the others. My brother is also an amazing teacher of autistic children. It would be a shame if the fear-mongorers prevented them from doing their calling.

Why not allow a vetted woman in the classroom with them? Please explain...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

This is a horrible, sexist attitude. What is wrong with men who love to be around children? I know several great guys who happen to love children and find them interesting, funny, adorable, just like many women do. There is something wrong with a culture that thinks that only women can love children.

Your head is so far in the clouds, it's laughable. This is why predators get away with it. You've got enablers all around. If a man adores kids, which is totally the norm- remember most men are not pervs- he should make no objection to being heavily scrutinized. He should welcome it. We're talking about children lives, for goodness sake. In the fake progressive world, you bring up sexism. What a joke. Sorry lady, all day long I'll be scrutinizing males, especially those with an extra interest in kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm the skeptic mom. My best teacher was an old white man in 6th grade. Looking back he was somewhat eccentric and he loved us. No one is saying men shouldn't be around kids. I'm saying, and I know my teacher would agree, is that there needs to be great scrutiny and safeguards. Children should not be one on one alone with male teachers. If there is a need for that there should be a protocol whereby its documented and the reason laid out and parents should be called. There really is no reason not to have safeguards other than to empower molesters. We need them to be intimidated, inconvenienced and just afraid to abuse. Mr. Pena went on vacation with abuser and then offered pizza and a movie at his house to auction winners. Why why why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder why kids don't tell their parents right away about what happened.

I was abused for six years as a child. I didn't tell anyone. I wish my parents had asked. (They still don't know.) Thankfully, after over a decade of therapy as an adult, I'm doing much, much better.

There is an incredible amount of shame in sexual abuse. It is a crime of power. It is incredibly hard for a survivor, especially as a child, to speak up for himself or herself, especially as the abuser often makes threats ("if you tell your mom and dad, I will INSERT AWFUL THREAT"). That is why I started the good touch, bad touch thread. If children have information before anyone acts inappropriately, they are more likely to tell someone.

Thank you for sharing your horrible experience. I think there are many more abusers (and victims) than most people here can fathom. It's the best kept secret for very reason you described.

What do you think of having a vetted female volunteer in the classroom of young children?

I'm glad it's helpful to hear about it.

I need to think about the female volunteer part. I'm not sure. I do think that DCPS, charters, and private schools should discuss what reasonable policies should be put in place to protect children. I assume that all teachers have a background check. But I also think that there should be a policy that employees (teachers, staff) do not spend time one-on-one alone with a child. Pull in another adult if you need to do tutoring. And for heaven's sake, do not allow teachers to offer auction items for children to spend time alone with them without parents. That is completely creepy.

I don't think this is just an issue of male vs. female teachers. I know that men are more likely to abuse, but I think people incorrectly think of it as a purely sexual crime--it is a crime of POWER that expresses itself through sex abuse. And women as well as men can commit such crimes (though PPs are correct that perpetrators are more likely to be male). And of course, the vast majority of teachers are acting completely appropriately and not abusing their students. And in the case of the O-A teacher, I'm not sure having a vetted female volunteer in the room would have helped. Although certainly there was inappropriate behavior in the classroom, it sounds like he also befriended the family. And then there was the auction item of children having dinner with him in his home. As I said, totally creepy. No school should allow that.

Even though I had a pretty awful childhood because of the abuse I experienced, I don't live in fear for my daughter or assume that teachers, babysitters, or other adults who spend time with my preschooler--whether male or female--are acting inappropriately. The reality is that there is a ton that we cannot control for our children. I try to empower my daughter to speak up for herself and to know that she is in charge of her body. (One of her favorite phrases, as a three year old, is "I am the boss of my body!")

I try to give her that message repeatedly. I do not encourage her hug or kiss anyone if she doesn't want to. When she was still in diapers, I would ask her if it was okay to change her diaper and walk her through what I was doing. When she takes a bath, I encourage her to wash herself, and then I help and explain what I am doing when she need it. (She is 3 and still needs quite a bit of help.) I explicitly talk about good touch/bad touch and telling adults--teachers, parents, others--if someone touches here in a "yucky" way. I also ensure that she knows the actual name of all her body parts so that she could specifically tell and adult where someone touched her and the adult would know what she means.

I have accepted that I cannot control everything, but my hope is that if anything inappropriate happens that she will tell me or others and that we can bring a stop to it.

[Anonymous]

OK it is clear that one person who clearly feels VERY STRONGLY about keeping all men away from her kids has taken over this thread. Probably the same person who takes over all of the sleepover threads.

Let's just leave her be, shall we? We are never going to change her mind and she clearly has some issues of her own, with all of the name-calling and hyperbole being slung about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

What a sad and suspicious life you must lead. As the parent of boys and girls I rejoice when we have had the opportunity to have male teachers in the classroom. They bring a different energy for the boys to respond to and encourage positive images of men for the girls. We have had wonderful and loving experiences. Do not let this abhorrent example make anyone feel otherwise who has had a positive experience or will have one in the future.
People, there is no one to fault in this aside from this sick,sick individual. We are not loving or protecting our children too little or trusting too much. These horrible things will happen, to our and all good peoples dismay, and we can only love the victim and family more and wish they can heal. They answer is NOT to disallow male teachers from the classroom. Come on are we so foolish to believe this?

You sound naive at best and deranged at the worst. I just hope you have the common sense to practice some kind of discretion for your kids' sake. The victims of molesters are often the offspring of happy go lucky naive parents. Nonetheless, my family and I lead a very happy normal life. It's not rocket science to be untuned to your surroundings and careful for your kids' sake. It's quite easy and actually it's a parents due diligence. I just feel bad for your children. They aren't safe in your aloof care. Do us a favor and save this thread. God forbid something bad happens, but you need a reminder years down the road of just how shortsighted and quite frankly silly you are. Hope it never happens to you.

PP you are the one who sounds deranged. Instead of parenting your children, your solution is to ban men from the classroom. You sound like the lazy parent to me.

You're a strange bird to talk about parenting children and lazy parenting. While your philosophy may be to let any man whatsoever have access to your kids, I don't share in that asinine mindset. While you're out picking daisies, parents like myself are involved with our children and making sure they are kept safe. I damn sure scrutinize makes who are around my kids. And I've taught my kids it's okay to be critical as well and speak up if/when something makes them uncomfortable. At my child's school there are some wonderful male influences that we've vetted to the extent possible. Even still, there is no reason for my child to be alone with them. If there is such a reason, like an emergency, I better damn be notified. And the school is smart about this too. In early childhood a child who needs help with toileting will require a phone call to the parent. A child that needs to be isolated requires a call to the parent. The school is smart. Of course there are bad people who work the system, but smart parents can make a difference. You're not in that category. While you may want to hold hands and go skipping with molesters, it ain't happening in my hood.

Wow. You go, Girl!
I love your guts. Your kids are damn lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

What a sad and suspicious life you must lead. As the parent of boys and girls I rejoice when we have had the opportunity to have male teachers in the classroom. They bring a different energy for the boys to respond to and encourage positive images of men for the girls. We have had wonderful and loving experiences. Do not let this abhorrent example make anyone feel otherwise who has had a positive experience or will have one in the future.
People, there is no one to fault in this aside from this sick,sick individual. We are not loving or protecting our children too little or trusting too much. These horrible things will happen, to our and all good peoples dismay, and we can only love the victim and family more and wish they can heal. They answer is NOT to disallow male teachers from the classroom. Come on are we so foolish to believe this?

Yes, this. Perhaps the schools need to beef up their screenings, or provide more "good touch, bad touch" education for our students, but to say that no male teachers should ever be trusted sounds insane. We've had some wonderful male teachers for our boys and I think they bring a different dynamic to the classroom that can be a great experience for kids.

(Note, I would never let my kids do pizza and a movie at a teacher's house, for sure, male or female. Our school has auctioned off teacher donations, but they have always been at the parent's home or at a destination like a restaurant.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

This is a horrible, sexist attitude. What is wrong with men who love to be around children? I know several great guys who happen to love children and find them interesting, funny, adorable, just like many women do. There is something wrong with a culture that thinks that only women can love children.

im sure Mr. Pena, and Mr. Sandusky loved and adored kids. Oh wait- they were pedophiles. Be careful of men who take an extra interest. It's one thing to be an adoring uncle or grandfather and another thing entirely to go out of your way to be in the presence of kids. Don't be so naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Females get caught up with male students all the time.

Should we just hire virtual teachers?

Male predators out number females by something like 10:1. You're trying to discredit an apples argument with oranges. Sure, a small number of women molest; however, children are a lot more likely to fall victim to males. While all educators deserve a degree of scrutiny, males deserve an extreme level. If your goal is to keep kids safe, not sure why you would argue against that.

Exactly. But no response of course, from the pp.

I'm the pp whom just got out of a meeting. I agree with what the poster said. I was just pointing out that it happens the other way around as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

What a sad and suspicious life you must lead. As the parent of boys and girls I rejoice when we have had the opportunity to have male teachers in the classroom. They bring a different energy for the boys to respond to and encourage positive images of men for the girls. We have had wonderful and loving experiences. Do not let this abhorrent example make anyone feel otherwise who has had a positive experience or will have one in the future.
People, there is no one to fault in this aside from this sick,sick individual. We are not loving or protecting our children too little or trusting too much. These horrible things will happen, to our and all good peoples dismay, and we can only love the victim and family more and wish they can heal. They answer is NOT to disallow male teachers from the classroom. Come on are we so foolish to believe this?

You sound naive at best and deranged at the worst. I just hope you have the common sense to practice some kind of discretion for your kids' sake. The victims of molesters are often the offspring of happy go lucky naive parents. Nonetheless, my family and I lead a very happy normal life. It's not rocket science to be untuned to your surroundings and careful for your kids' sake. It's quite easy and actually it's a parents due diligence. I just feel bad for your children. They aren't safe in your aloof care. Do us a favor and save this thread. God forbid something bad happens, but you need a reminder years down the road of just how shortsighted and quite frankly silly you are. Hope it never happens to you.

PP you are the one who sounds deranged. Instead of parenting your children, your solution is to ban men from the classroom. You sound like the lazy parent to me.

You're a strange bird to talk about parenting children and lazy parenting. While your philosophy may be to let any man whatsoever have access to your kids, I don't share in that asinine mindset. While you're out picking daisies, parents like myself are involved with our children and making sure they are kept safe. I damn sure scrutinize makes who are around my kids. And I've taught my kids it's okay to be critical as well and speak up if/when something makes them uncomfortable. At my child's school there are some wonderful male influences that we've vetted to the extent possible. Even still, there is no reason for my child to be alone with them. If there is such a reason, like an emergency, I better damn be notified. And the school is smart about this too. In early childhood a child who needs help with toileting will require a phone call to the parent. A child that needs to be isolated requires a call to the parent. The school is smart. Of course there are bad people who work the system, but smart parents can make a difference. You're not in that category. While you may want to hold hands and go skipping with molesters, it ain't happening in my hood.

Wow. You go, Girl!
I love your guts. Your kids are damn lucky.

Really? Interesting. I think she sounds like a paranoid person who likes to launch personal attacks against anyone who doesn't agree with her. I feel sorry for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK it is clear that one person who clearly feels VERY STRONGLY about keeping all men away from her kids has taken over this thread. Probably the same person who takes over all of the sleepover threads.

Let's just leave her be, shall we? We are never going to change her mind and she clearly has some issues of her own, with all of the name-calling and hyperbole being slung about.

+1 I'm guessing he/she is the one who keeps posting "Why then are you so afraid of having a vetted woman in the classroom with you"?

Good luck with trying to implement that policy.

[Anonymous]

Different poster, but I think there is a huge difference between being skeptical of teachers (coaches, etc) who take an inordinate interest in children and the poster(s) who are claiming that men should not be allowed to teach at all. Or that men who choose to work with children are all unnatural. There can be reasonable vetting, education and monitoring that doesn't dismiss all men as pedophiles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK it is clear that one person who clearly feels VERY STRONGLY about keeping all men away from her kids has taken over this thread. Probably the same person who takes over all of the sleepover threads.

Let's just leave her be, shall we? We are never going to change her mind and she clearly has some issues of her own, with all of the name-calling and hyperbole being slung about.

+1 I'm guessing he/she is the one who keeps posting "Why then are you so afraid of having a vetted woman in the classroom with you"?

Good luck with trying to implement that policy.

Um, no. You may not realize it, but there is more than one poster on here not putting up with molesters bullshit. You can call Jeff on this one. Secondly, no one said men shouldn't be around kids. Nice try twisting things around. Go ahead and post the exact phrase where a parent unafraid of pedophiles also went on to say that men shouldn't be around kids. You can't because you made that up. What has been said is skepticism and tactics that apply that should be used. This is common sense and can keep kids safe. Maybe not you agenda, but definitely mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

I completely agree.

Statistically, I'm pretty sure that the majority of offenders are married and/or are fathers. It's likely that the numbers are higher for this group, because the victims are less likely to ever come forward.

Here's an informative and thoughtful article on the subject:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shadow-boxing/201206/how-can-we-spot-child-molester