Oyster-Adam teacher arrested

[Anonymous]

I just wonder why kids don't tell their parents right away about what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

What a sad and suspicious life you must lead. As the parent of boys and girls I rejoice when we have had the opportunity to have male teachers in the classroom. They bring a different energy for the boys to respond to and encourage positive images of men for the girls. We have had wonderful and loving experiences. Do not let this abhorrent example make anyone feel otherwise who has had a positive experience or will have one in the future.
People, there is no one to fault in this aside from this sick,sick individual. We are not loving or protecting our children too little or trusting too much. These horrible things will happen, to our and all good peoples dismay, and we can only love the victim and family more and wish they can heal. They answer is NOT to disallow male teachers from the classroom. Come on are we so foolish to believe this?

You sound naive at best and deranged at the worst. I just hope you have the common sense to practice some kind of discretion for your kids' sake. The victims of molesters are often the offspring of happy go lucky naive parents. Nonetheless, my family and I lead a very happy normal life. It's not rocket science to be untuned to your surroundings and careful for your kids' sake. It's quite easy and actually it's a parents due diligence. I just feel bad for your children. They aren't safe in your aloof care. Do us a favor and save this thread. God forbid something bad happens, but you need a reminder years down the road of just how shortsighted and quite frankly silly you are. Hope it never happens to you.

[Anonymous]

*intuned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

What a sad and suspicious life you must lead. As the parent of boys and girls I rejoice when we have had the opportunity to have male teachers in the classroom. They bring a different energy for the boys to respond to and encourage positive images of men for the girls. We have had wonderful and loving experiences. Do not let this abhorrent example make anyone feel otherwise who has had a positive experience or will have one in the future.
People, there is no one to fault in this aside from this sick,sick individual. We are not loving or protecting our children too little or trusting too much. These horrible things will happen, to our and all good peoples dismay, and we can only love the victim and family more and wish they can heal. They answer is NOT to disallow male teachers from the classroom. Come on are we so foolish to believe this?

You sound naive at best and deranged at the worst. I just hope you have the common sense to practice some kind of discretion for your kids' sake. The victims of molesters are often the offspring of happy go lucky naive parents. Nonetheless, my family and I lead a very happy normal life. It's not rocket science to be untuned to your surroundings and careful for your kids' sake. It's quite easy and actually it's a parents due diligence. I just feel bad for your children. They aren't safe in your aloof care. Do us a favor and save this thread. God forbid something bad happens, but you need a reminder years down the road of just how shortsighted and quite frankly silly you are. Hope it never happens to you.

PP you are the one who sounds deranged. Instead of parenting your children, your solution is to ban men from the classroom. You sound like the lazy parent to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder why kids don't tell their parents right away about what happened.

I was abused for six years as a child. I didn't tell anyone. I wish my parents had asked. (They still don't know.) Thankfully, after over a decade of therapy as an adult, I'm doing much, much better.

There is an incredible amount of shame in sexual abuse. It is a crime of power. It is incredibly hard for a survivor, especially as a child, to speak up for himself or herself, especially as the abuser often makes threats ("if you tell your mom and dad, I will INSERT AWFUL THREAT"). That is why I started the good touch, bad touch thread. If children have information before anyone acts inappropriately, they are more likely to tell someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

What a sad and suspicious life you must lead. As the parent of boys and girls I rejoice when we have had the opportunity to have male teachers in the classroom. They bring a different energy for the boys to respond to and encourage positive images of men for the girls. We have had wonderful and loving experiences. Do not let this abhorrent example make anyone feel otherwise who has had a positive experience or will have one in the future.
People, there is no one to fault in this aside from this sick,sick individual. We are not loving or protecting our children too little or trusting too much. These horrible things will happen, to our and all good peoples dismay, and we can only love the victim and family more and wish they can heal. They answer is NOT to disallow male teachers from the classroom. Come on are we so foolish to believe this?

You sound naive at best and deranged at the worst. I just hope you have the common sense to practice some kind of discretion for your kids' sake. The victims of molesters are often the offspring of happy go lucky naive parents. Nonetheless, my family and I lead a very happy normal life. It's not rocket science to be untuned to your surroundings and careful for your kids' sake. It's quite easy and actually it's a parents due diligence. I just feel bad for your children. They aren't safe in your aloof care. Do us a favor and save this thread. God forbid something bad happens, but you need a reminder years down the road of just how shortsighted and quite frankly silly you are. Hope it never happens to you.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder why kids don't tell their parents right away about what happened.

I was abused for six years as a child. I didn't tell anyone. I wish my parents had asked. (They still don't know.) Thankfully, after over a decade of therapy as an adult, I'm doing much, much better.

There is an incredible amount of shame in sexual abuse. It is a crime of power. It is incredibly hard for a survivor, especially as a child, to speak up for himself or herself, especially as the abuser often makes threats ("if you tell your mom and dad, I will INSERT AWFUL THREAT"). That is why I started the good touch, bad touch thread. If children have information before anyone acts inappropriately, they are more likely to tell someone.

Thank you for sharing your horrible experience. I think there are many more abusers (and victims) than most people here can fathom. It's the best kept secret for very reason you described.

What do you think of having a vetted female volunteer in the classroom of young children?

[Anonymous]

The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little league or lead cub scouts.

Those are the ones that generally abuse, I think. PP, I know we want a sense of being able to sniff out these predators, but remember, by the time your kids are around these abusers, they have HONED their skills, not standing out, seeming above board, trustworthy. Some predators will invest years in grooming victims. Our best defense is arming out kids with the skills to not be victims. Open lines of communication, empowerment to challenge authority figures, supporting a healthy level of suspicion even in teachers, coaches, principals, friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is that the vast majority of offending teachers (at least at the elementary and under level) are male. Perhaps it is worthwhile to keep all men out of classrooms with children these ages in order to protect our precious young. A clear background merely means he hasn't been convicted of such a crime. These offenders often offend many times before they are caught. I too feel badly for the good male educators who would be hurt by such a policy, but I feel much worse for those children harmed at the hands of such men.

I completely disagree with this idea, especially in this city. Male teachers are the only positive male role models some of these children see on a regular basis.

NP. Sorry, but there's something weird about grown men who don't have kids who chose to be surrounded by them. Why on earth would a grown ass man want to be surrounded by kids? In our home we've discussed this often as we train our kids to be safe. All the adult men I know- husband, brother, dad, FIL, friends' husbands, etc... Agreed there is something not right about adult men who seek out positions that involve children. The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little leaugue or lead cub scouts. I would not allow my child to participate in a group where a single man or a weird married one seeks out alone time or has the opportunity for alone time with kids. If the adult had even the slightest of common sense they wouldn't get involved either. This is happening so often, the time is now for extreme skepticism.

This is a horrible, sexist attitude. What is wrong with men who love to be around children? I know several great guys who happen to love children and find them interesting, funny, adorable, just like many women do. There is something wrong with a culture that thinks that only women can love children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little league or lead cub scouts.

Those are the ones that generally abuse, I think. PP, I know we want a sense of being able to sniff out these predators, but remember, by the time your kids are around these abusers, they have HONED their skills, not standing out, seeming above board, trustworthy. Some predators will invest years in grooming victims. Our best defense is arming out kids with the skills to not be victims. Open lines of communication, empowerment to challenge authority figures, supporting a healthy level of suspicion even in teachers, coaches, principals, friends.

You still want men left alone with little kids, huh?
No, just no. Not even a pediatrician, for God's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little league or lead cub scouts.

Those are the ones that generally abuse, I think. PP, I know we want a sense of being able to sniff out these predators, but remember, by the time your kids are around these abusers, they have HONED their skills, not standing out, seeming above board, trustworthy. Some predators will invest years in grooming victims. Our best defense is arming out kids with the skills to not be victims. Open lines of communication, empowerment to challenge authority figures, supporting a healthy level of suspicion even in teachers, coaches, principals, friends.

Agree with all of this.

You can also limit - or prevent - time alone with those adults. For example, our LL team has 3 dads who share coaching duties (including my DH). There are always at least 2 of them at every practice and game, and usually all 3. There are no 1:1 sessions where a coach works with just 1 or 2 boys, coaches don't give kids rides home or to games, etc. Always at least one mom or dad observing the practices. I think this reduces the risk and should make parents feel more comfortable about the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little league or lead cub scouts.

Those are the ones that generally abuse, I think. PP, I know we want a sense of being able to sniff out these predators, but remember, by the time your kids are around these abusers, they have HONED their skills, not standing out, seeming above board, trustworthy. Some predators will invest years in grooming victims. Our best defense is arming out kids with the skills to not be victims. Open lines of communication, empowerment to challenge authority figures, supporting a healthy level of suspicion even in teachers, coaches, principals, friends.

You still want men left alone with little kids, huh?
No, just no. Not even a pediatrician, for God's sake.

While we're at it let's ban all fathers from being alone with their kids. Can't be too safe!!

[Anonymous]

OMG you people are psycho. You want to ban men from classrooms? Please get some perspective. Lots of research that children benefit from having male perspective in the classroom and as role models. Those of you saying that men shouldn't be around children need to get a grip, you are completely over-reacting. This is akin to saying that "gays" should be banned from the military, or from the Boy Scouts, it is that ignorant and misinformed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The only men that are okay are those with kids and chose, for example, to coach little league or lead cub scouts.

Those are the ones that generally abuse, I think. PP, I know we want a sense of being able to sniff out these predators, but remember, by the time your kids are around these abusers, they have HONED their skills, not standing out, seeming above board, trustworthy. Some predators will invest years in grooming victims. Our best defense is arming out kids with the skills to not be victims. Open lines of communication, empowerment to challenge authority figures, supporting a healthy level of suspicion even in teachers, coaches, principals, friends.

You still want men left alone with little kids, huh?
No, just no. Not even a pediatrician, for God's sake.

While we're at it let's ban all fathers from being alone with their kids. Can't be too safe!!

Right, most abuse happens with family members, so let's keep kids away from ALL MALE FAMILY MEMBERS! That's a great attitude to teach children, they'll grow up with really healthy attitudes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG you people are psycho. You want to ban men from classrooms? Please get some perspective. Lots of research that children benefit from having male perspective in the classroom and as role models. Those of you saying that men shouldn't be around children need to get a grip, you are completely over-reacting. This is akin to saying that "gays" should be banned from the military, or from the Boy Scouts, it is that ignorant and misinformed.

Why then are you so afraid of having a vetted woman in the classroom with you?