DD's teacher won't call her by her nickname

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.

Is that your policy even after both parent and child say, "Please call her/me Kathy."?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a US problem...if you want your child to be called Bella, name her Bella. If you want her to be called Isabella, name her Isabella. If you name her Isabella, Bella is a nickname that people can or can't use. Nicknames are supposed to 'just happen'. That's their concept actually. If you have a long name, some people (usually friends and family) will lovingly start shortening your long name into a cute shorter nickname. THAT'S what nicknames are supposed to be folks, sorry.

I find it completely acceptable, that a teacher, who is supposed to be distanced from your child and a gentle authority, uses the given name and not the nickname. Her classmates, friends and family might be using the nickname - but I find it absolutely okay for a teacher to choose otherwise.

You are asserting your own cultural sensibilities onto people who have a different tradition. And Bella is attending school in the US. This is what we do here.

You can ask a teacher to use a nickname. You can not demand it. There is a reason we all have official, legal names. Believe it or not. A teacher might not be comfortable using an informal nickname with students in their class. It might be part of the way a teacher teaches to use students' formal names. You might not like it. Your child might not like it. But you can not demand a teacher to change that part of their educational program. And honestly: If your child's legal name is Isabella, her nickname is Bella you should tell your child that, don't you think? If calling your child Bella is THAT important to you, name her Bella. Not Isabella. If you name your child something you can NOT expect anyone to not actually use that name. That's just messed up.

If your friends refuse to use a nickname - sure...you might want to talk to them. But it's a teacher we are talking about here. It's the same later with your child's boss. You aren't going to go to him saying "Don't call my daughter Miss Granger, call her Bella please." Or would you? There IS a difference between a private and official/formal setting folks when it comes to nicknames.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you and all of these idiots who are telling you that you should change your daughter's name to Bella are out of their minds.

How many James' are legally Jim's?

Timothy's Tim's?

Catherine's Catie's, Kate's or Katie's?

Harold's Hank's? I could go on and on and on! Actually your given name for your daughter is closer than what most nicknames are so why the teacher has an issue with it, I have no idea.

Your daughter should be called what she wants to be called plain and simple. Ignore all of the other fools on this forum.

I get it because I was named something similar akin to Bella being short for Isabella. So everyone always asks me "is your name really X?"

No, my name is just X.

Thanks.

Bella is pretty and I think it is nice that you honored (a grandmother I think - this thread has gotten so long now! with the longer name).

Don't listen to the witches on DCUM.

Bella/Isabella. Both great. Congratulations!

You were just saying something about idiots, right?

I was! Glad you chimed in because I was clearly talking about you!

Why do people on this thread not understand the concept of nicknames and being called what you want to be called?

Shall I try to spell it out for you again PP? Since you are clearly dim? Tom - short for Thomas. DICK short for Richard. Harry short for Harold.

I could be wrong but even our fearless leader here at DCUM is probably named Jeffrey but prefers to go by Jeff.

The OP named her child after her grandmother but prefers she be called by the shorten version of the name end of story.

I'm the PP, and wow. Missed my whole point, but I'm not surprised, based on both posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.

Is that your policy even after both parent and child say, "Please call her/me Kathy."?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.

Is that your policy even after both parent and child say, "Please call her/me Kathy."?

Yes.

What about if the child's name is Kananinoheaokuuhomeopuukaimanaalohilo (supposedly the longest name in the world) and his parents ask to call him Kan? Would you still call his given name every single time? Give me a break. I'm sure you would change your tune and call the child "Kan" for your convenience, and your so called "policy" be damned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.

Is that your policy even after both parent and child say, "Please call her/me Kathy."?

Yes.

So your policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet, even when they specifically ask you to call them something else?

What if you have a new colleague named Katherine Perry, and you say, "Hi Katherine, nice to meet you!" and she says, "Oh, call me Katy"? Do you answer, "No, I call people by their legal names, because that is a position that can be defended"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.

Is that your policy even after both parent and child say, "Please call her/me Kathy."?

Yes.

How dumb. But not surprising.

Can you imagine people doing this in a business setting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.

Is that your policy even after both parent and child say, "Please call her/me Kathy."?

Yes.

So your policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet, even when they specifically ask you to call them something else?

What if you have a new colleague named Katherine Perry, and you say, "Hi Katherine, nice to meet you!" and she says, "Oh, call me Katy"? Do you answer, "No, I call people by their legal names, because that is a position that can be defended"?

^^^(Actually Wikipedia says that Katy Perry's legal name is Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson, so any time you talk about her, be sure to call her that. For example, "Remember that controversy when Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson was on Sesame Street with Elmo?")

[Anonymous]

Yes.

How dumb. But not surprising.

Can you imagine people doing this in a business setting?

School is not a business setting. Business is a peer to peer relationship where people can and do refer to colleagues as Mr. Smith. Oh, no, call me Ted. And you do as requested by a peer or superior.

School is a formal relationship. The teacher is in charge. Using nicknames confers familiarity and can create illusion of favoritism. So I can see why teachers decide to follow a no exceptions policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes.

How dumb. But not surprising.

Can you imagine people doing this in a business setting?

School is not a business setting. Business is a peer to peer relationship where people can and do refer to colleagues as Mr. Smith. Oh, no, call me Ted. And you do as requested by a peer or superior.

School is a formal relationship. The teacher is in charge. Using nicknames confers familiarity and can create illusion of favoritism. So I can see why teachers decide to follow a no exceptions policy.



In what universe does calling Thomas "Tom" display an illusion of favoritism?
I'm pretty positive every single class I've ever had in my entire life has had someone who goes by a nickname. Never once has it been a problem.
I seriously think that some posters must live in a totally different world than the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes.

How dumb. But not surprising.

Can you imagine people doing this in a business setting?

School is not a business setting. Business is a peer to peer relationship where people can and do refer to colleagues as Mr. Smith. Oh, no, call me Ted. And you do as requested by a peer or superior.

School is a formal relationship. The teacher is in charge. Using nicknames confers familiarity and can create illusion of favoritism. So I can see why teachers decide to follow a no exceptions policy.



You're nuts. It could also be construed as favoritism to call one kid by the name they prefer to go by (which happens to be their full legal name) and another kid by a name they're never called by. So the "David" kid seems like a favorite, because he is used to being called David, and the "Kathy" that you insist on calling "Katherine" feels like she's not a favorite, because you call her by the name she asked not to be called by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

-snip-

Also FWIW: I taught for over 15 years (college students) and had literally hundreds if not thousands of names to learn, remember, and honor (an average of 100 each semester). I never once called a student by anything other than what s/he wished to be called: *that's* called respect.

No. Actually that's called supporting a completely messed up system in which parents give their kids too many names, name them something they don't actually call them and the concept of finding a name for your child has gone completely crazy. Give your child a first name that you wish to be your child's name. Nicknames either happen or they don't but are nicknames and not what everyone's expected to call your child. Middle names and last names are there to only be on paper but never actually be used (usually) so you can put all the long, honorary, family root names there and give your child a first name they actually go by.

Naming children one thing and then calling them another is completely crazy folks. Sorry.

Maybe that's how it is in your culture, but not in mine. I think it's disrespectful to call someone other than what they ask to be called. I teach my children to be respectful and call people what they want to be called. (If in adult wants to be called Mr./Mrs. Smith, versus "Mark" or "Sally", you call them what they want. Similarly, with kids, if a kid tells you how to pronounce their name, you do it that way.) I'd find it confusing if an adult isn't respectful.
My kid goes by her first and middle name (think old school "Mary Jane" type of name). So I guess that's unacceptable to you too, since "middle names are only there to be on paper but never actually be used". I'm sure you'd refuse to respect my child's name too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes.

How dumb. But not surprising.

Can you imagine people doing this in a business setting?

School is not a business setting. Business is a peer to peer relationship where people can and do refer to colleagues as Mr. Smith. Oh, no, call me Ted. And you do as requested by a peer or superior.

School is a formal relationship. The teacher is in charge. Using nicknames confers familiarity and can create illusion of favoritism. So I can see why teachers decide to follow a no exceptions policy.



In what universe does calling Thomas "Tom" display an illusion of favoritism?
I'm pretty positive every single class I've ever had in my entire life has had someone who goes by a nickname. Never once has it been a problem.
I seriously think that some posters must live in a totally different world than the rest of us.

I know! Some of them seem flat-out crazy.

[Anonymous]

Why is it so hard to grasp that if you named your kid Isabella that people will actually call her ISABELLA!!!!! GOOD GOD!!!! Name her what you want her to be called.

A friend of mine is named James Henry. His parents called him Hank from the day he was born. When he came to school and the roster was called he didn't answer to "James" because he was never called that. Is that the teacher's fault. I DON'T think so! NAME YOUR KIDS WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE CALLED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

School is a formal relationship. The teacher is in charge. Using nicknames confers familiarity and can create illusion of favoritism. So I can see why teachers decide to follow a no exceptions policy.

I agree. In fact, I think that using first names at all confers familiarity and can create an illusion of favoritism. That's why I think that teachers should call their students Master/Miss Lastname in elementary school, and then Ms./Mr. Lastname in middle school and high school. Also they should use the formal second-person pronoun, which unfortunately went out of fashion in English centuries ago (even, at last, for Quakers), but we should revive it.

Or, alternatively, we can use the following, simple rule: Call people by the name they want you to call them by.