DD's teacher won't call her by her nickname

[Anonymous]

Bella is 6. She is a first grader. All she knows is that an authority figure she knows she must respect, and one whom she should comfortably assume respects her, is not respecting either her or her parents' request. She doesn't understand why the teacher is doing this. She's upset. Her mother wants (simply) for the teacher to call the child by the preferred name. What the child and the mother are feeling (understandably) is that the most simple of requests is being denied without any explanation. Hopefully, the mom can have a quick chat with the teacher and find out what's going on (whether she's overwhelmed, didn't get the note, or simply uninterested).

When I think back to my own elementary school, I'd say that of the 20 children in any given class, 13 of them had nicknames of some sort (especially names like Elizabeth and Katherine) and/or were called by their middle names: I grew up in an area in which there were *lots* of family names, passed down from generation to generation. In fact, it was a bit odd if a name *didn't* have some connection to a family member, or a heritage of some sort.

FWIW, I am the fifth generation of my family to have my 'formal,' Christian name. I have a nickname given to me at birth. When I was in third grade and transferred to a new school, the teacher and others in the school refused to use my nickname, as did my classmates (who were modeling after the teacher), and it didn't feel 'good.' In fact, it made me think that my nickname was somehow inappropriate (the nickname is 'cutesy' -- the formal name is, indeed, formal) and it bothered my mother to no end, but neither she nor I had the gumption or energy to push it with the teachers.

Also FWIW: I taught for over 15 years (college students) and had literally hundreds if not thousands of names to learn, remember, and honor (an average of 100 each semester). I never once called a student by anything other than what s/he wished to be called: *that's* called respect.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you and all of these idiots who are telling you that you should change your daughter's name to Bella are out of their minds.

How many James' are legally Jim's?

Timothy's Tim's?

Catherine's Catie's, Kate's or Katie's?

Harold's Hank's? I could go on and on and on! Actually your given name for your daughter is closer than what most nicknames are so why the teacher has an issue with it, I have no idea.

Your daughter should be called what she wants to be called plain and simple. Ignore all of the other fools on this forum.

I get it because I was named something similar akin to Bella being short for Isabella. So everyone always asks me "is your name really X?"

No, my name is just X.

Thanks.

Bella is pretty and I think it is nice that you honored (a grandmother I think - this thread has gotten so long now! with the longer name).

Don't listen to the witches on DCUM.

Bella/Isabella. Both great. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you and all of these idiots who are telling you that you should change your daughter's name to Bella are out of their minds.

How many James' are legally Jim's?

Timothy's Tim's?

Catherine's Catie's, Kate's or Katie's?

Harold's Hank's? I could go on and on and on! Actually your given name for your daughter is closer than what most nicknames are so why the teacher has an issue with it, I have no idea.

Your daughter should be called what she wants to be called plain and simple. Ignore all of the other fools on this forum.

I get it because I was named something similar akin to Bella being short for Isabella. So everyone always asks me "is your name really X?"

No, my name is just X.

Thanks.

Bella is pretty and I think it is nice that you honored (a grandmother I think - this thread has gotten so long now! with the longer name).

Don't listen to the witches on DCUM.

Bella/Isabella. Both great. Congratulations!

You were just saying something about idiots, right?

[Anonymous]

This is such a US problem...if you want your child to be called Bella, name her Bella. If you want her to be called Isabella, name her Isabella. If you name her Isabella, Bella is a nickname that people can or can't use. Nicknames are supposed to 'just happen'. That's their concept actually. If you have a long name, some people (usually friends and family) will lovingly start shortening your long name into a cute shorter nickname. THAT'S what nicknames are supposed to be folks, sorry.

I find it completely acceptable, that a teacher, who is supposed to be distanced from your child and a gentle authority, uses the given name and not the nickname. Her classmates, friends and family might be using the nickname - but I find it absolutely okay for a teacher to choose otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

-snip-

Also FWIW: I taught for over 15 years (college students) and had literally hundreds if not thousands of names to learn, remember, and honor (an average of 100 each semester). I never once called a student by anything other than what s/he wished to be called: *that's* called respect.

No. Actually that's called supporting a completely messed up system in which parents give their kids too many names, name them something they don't actually call them and the concept of finding a name for your child has gone completely crazy. Give your child a first name that you wish to be your child's name. Nicknames either happen or they don't but are nicknames and not what everyone's expected to call your child. Middle names and last names are there to only be on paper but never actually be used (usually) so you can put all the long, honorary, family root names there and give your child a first name they actually go by.

Naming children one thing and then calling them another is completely crazy folks. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

-snip-

Also FWIW: I taught for over 15 years (college students) and had literally hundreds if not thousands of names to learn, remember, and honor (an average of 100 each semester). I never once called a student by anything other than what s/he wished to be called: *that's* called respect.

No. Actually that's called supporting a completely messed up system in which parents give their kids too many names, name them something they don't actually call them and the concept of finding a name for your child has gone completely crazy. Give your child a first name that you wish to be your child's name. Nicknames either happen or they don't but are nicknames and not what everyone's expected to call your child. Middle names and last names are there to only be on paper but never actually be used (usually) so you can put all the long, honorary, family root names there and give your child a first name they actually go by.

Naming children one thing and then calling them another is completely crazy folks. Sorry.

I think you sound completely crazy. Nicknames have been around since the dawn of time. You have issues.

[Anonymous]

To all sayin bella has a right to be called whatever she wants. Why is Bella's choice more valid thank Godzilla King Kong?
He has rights too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you and all of these idiots who are telling you that you should change your daughter's name to Bella are out of their minds.

How many James' are legally Jim's?

Timothy's Tim's?

Catherine's Catie's, Kate's or Katie's?

Harold's Hank's? I could go on and on and on! Actually your given name for your daughter is closer than what most nicknames are so why the teacher has an issue with it, I have no idea.

Your daughter should be called what she wants to be called plain and simple. Ignore all of the other fools on this forum.

I get it because I was named something similar akin to Bella being short for Isabella. So everyone always asks me "is your name really X?"

No, my name is just X.

Thanks.

Bella is pretty and I think it is nice that you honored (a grandmother I think - this thread has gotten so long now! with the longer name).

Don't listen to the witches on DCUM.

Bella/Isabella. Both great. Congratulations!

You were just saying something about idiots, right?

I was! Glad you chimed in because I was clearly talking about you!

Why do people on this thread not understand the concept of nicknames and being called what you want to be called?

Shall I try to spell it out for you again PP? Since you are clearly dim? Tom - short for Thomas. DICK short for Richard. Harry short for Harold.

I could be wrong but even our fearless leader here at DCUM is probably named Jeffrey but prefers to go by Jeff.

The OP named her child after her grandmother but prefers she be called by the shorten version of the name end of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all sayin bella has a right to be called whatever she wants. Why is Bella's choice more valid thank Godzilla King Kong?
He has rights too!

If Godzilla asked me to call him King Kong, I would call him King Kong. Because it's polite to call people what they want to be called, and rude to deliberately not call people what they want to be called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

-snip-

Also FWIW: I taught for over 15 years (college students) and had literally hundreds if not thousands of names to learn, remember, and honor (an average of 100 each semester). I never once called a student by anything other than what s/he wished to be called: *that's* called respect.

No. Actually that's called supporting a completely messed up system in which parents give their kids too many names, name them something they don't actually call them and the concept of finding a name for your child has gone completely crazy. Give your child a first name that you wish to be your child's name. Nicknames either happen or they don't but are nicknames and not what everyone's expected to call your child. Middle names and last names are there to only be on paper but never actually be used (usually) so you can put all the long, honorary, family root names there and give your child a first name they actually go by.

Naming children one thing and then calling them another is completely crazy folks. Sorry.

I think you sound completely crazy. Nicknames have been around since the dawn of time. You have issues.

Crazy is to name your child one thing but then for some made up reason expect everyone to call her something else. Now that's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you sound completely crazy. Nicknames have been around since the dawn of time. You have issues.

Crazy is to name your child one thing but then for some made up reason expect everyone to call her something else. Now that's crazy.

It's crazy to have a nickname and expect people to use it? I wonder what Bill Clinton thinks about this -- or what Ike Eisenhower would think about it, if he weren't dead.

[Anonymous]

OP is the teacher still calling your daughter Isabella???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would guess that the teacher has forgotten the note. Did you send the note directly to the teacher? Do you know if he/she got it. I would give them the benefit of the doubt and send an email to the teacher - start off with something positive, and then ask if she wouldn't mind using "Bella" because your DD is not used to "Isabella" and prefers not to have it used as her name.

Problem solved.

Unless, of course, the teacher writes back and says no, they won't do it. Ha ha ... can you imagine that? It's not going to happen.

I'm a teacher. This would be an appropriate approach. To be honest, it takes a few days to learn everyone's name and sometimes it takes longer to match nicknames to names on the official roster. I can't imagine a teacher refusing to use a benign nickname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a US problem...if you want your child to be called Bella, name her Bella. If you want her to be called Isabella, name her Isabella. If you name her Isabella, Bella is a nickname that people can or can't use. Nicknames are supposed to 'just happen'. That's their concept actually. If you have a long name, some people (usually friends and family) will lovingly start shortening your long name into a cute shorter nickname. THAT'S what nicknames are supposed to be folks, sorry.

I find it completely acceptable, that a teacher, who is supposed to be distanced from your child and a gentle authority, uses the given name and not the nickname. Her classmates, friends and family might be using the nickname - but I find it absolutely okay for a teacher to choose otherwise.

You are asserting your own cultural sensibilities onto people who have a different tradition. And Bella is attending school in the US. This is what we do here.

[Anonymous]

As a teacher who got screamed at by a parent because I called Katherine "Kathy" one single time when I started teaching, "HER NAME IS KATHERINE". My aunt ia a Kathy, it was a slip. So from then on my policy is to call students by the legal name in their registration packet. It is a position that can be defended. Parents can tell their children that they have their official name and sometimes people will call them by that so they are not surprised.