Is it normal for sibling not to tell you they are having a baby?

[Anonymous]

I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

My paternal grandmother practically lived by Emily Post and she did not believe in discussing pregnancy with anyone other than her spouse and doctor until the event. She was uncomfortable that my mother and aunts told her about their pregnancies. Please tell me what “courtesy” she was failing in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

What do you mean by “mental health issues”?

[Anonymous]

For my narcissistic sibling, it would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my close family member purposely didn’t tell me about the pregnancy or when the baby was born, it was a power play in an abusive dynamic where the person has treated me like crap my whole life. Also, said family member is a narcissist and had a ton of friends visit in the hospital when the baby was born and made sure it got back to me. Because of this behavior, I have decided that I can no longer continue a relationship with a person who is constantly playing games. Not every pregnancy secret is because of good intentions.

Nobody here disagrees.

Hmm don't speak for the rest of us. The situation PP discribes is very unlikely to be the case for OP. I think what PP describes is very rare and they sound like a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

My paternal grandmother practically lived by Emily Post and she did not believe in discussing pregnancy with anyone other than her spouse and doctor until the event. She was uncomfortable that my mother and aunts told her about their pregnancies. Please tell me what “courtesy” she was failing in.

Why? It's one thing to be private about yourself but unusual to be that uncomfortable with a very natural biological process. Was she sqeamish about other medical issues too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

For many people who have had loss, late loss, and losses, this very much is sharing medical information. It’s remarkable you don’t realize this.

Almost every woman who has multiple children has had "pregnancy loss."

You’re right, it’s very common.

Which makes it all the more disappointing that people can’t treat others with empathy when they choose to protect themselves following loss, and instead center themselves and their “hurt feelings” in the story.

There is a difference between a miscarriage and stillbirth. Stillbirth is about 0.6%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you are full of crap. If your sibling, especially one you stay on contact with, did this to you, you’d be losing your mind. You may not be entitled to all the gory details, but not to be told by a sibling that a baby is on the way is a slap in the face. And some of you are too precious and self absorbed with your “ trauma and feelings”. Grow up and move on with your lives. And yes, I did lose a baby. It was awful, but I figured it out and realized I can’t walk on eggshells and have everyone around me walk on eggshells forever.

Same here. I agree about walking on eggshells. I've had miscarriages and a molar pregnancy and am a reserved person. I've never been one to assume people owe me information but it is a kind of insult if the person thinks they need to avoid telling me something so big. I wouldn't understand them and would wonder if they assumed the worst of me. It would affect the relationship if they were someone I was close to. [/quote

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

My paternal grandmother practically lived by Emily Post and she did not believe in discussing pregnancy with anyone other than her spouse and doctor until the event. She was uncomfortable that my mother and aunts told her about their pregnancies. Please tell me what “courtesy” she was failing in.

Why? It's one thing to be private about yourself but unusual to be that uncomfortable with a very natural biological process. Was she sqeamish about other medical issues too?

She wasn’t squeamish per se but she didn’t think well-raised people discussed their biological processes — no matter how natural — with others, unless those others were somehow involved like a doctor or her husband. I’m not saying everyone needs to feel this way but it doesn’t lack courtesy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t find out until after the baby was born.

We are not estranged. We exchange texts about twice a week.

Is this something people are doing these days?

No.

[Anonymous]

I asked this question earlier, but didn’t see the response…. Is OP’s sibling the mother or the father of this baby? Did I miss the response?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

My paternal grandmother practically lived by Emily Post and she did not believe in discussing pregnancy with anyone other than her spouse and doctor until the event. She was uncomfortable that my mother and aunts told her about their pregnancies. Please tell me what “courtesy” she was failing in.

It appears that you misunderstand what the potential faux pas is. It is NOT “we are expecting an addition to our family in September”. That is not “discussing the pregnancy”. It is the discussing of the contractions, discharge, menstrual cycles, morning sickness, etc - the actual medical parts surrounding pregnancy. You really think your grandmother was uncomfortable that her sister told her she was going to have a baby? She may not have wanted to hear the complaining about the swollen feet or didn’t want to play “whose symptoms are worse” but if she was so squeamish that someone said they were expecting, there was something really wrong there and don’t blame it on Emily Post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've had 7 miscarriages and 2 live births... and would still notify my family before the birth. It's just a courtesy, really. My aunt had a stillbirth and still told everyone she was expecting after that (she went on to have my cousin, born perfectly healthy).

I have to wonder about the mental health issues in OP's family. OP's scenario is NOT normal.

My paternal grandmother practically lived by Emily Post and she did not believe in discussing pregnancy with anyone other than her spouse and doctor until the event. She was uncomfortable that my mother and aunts told her about their pregnancies. Please tell me what “courtesy” she was failing in.

It appears that you misunderstand what the potential faux pas is. It is NOT “we are expecting an addition to our family in September”. That is not “discussing the pregnancy”. It is the discussing of the contractions, discharge, menstrual cycles, morning sickness, etc - the actual medical parts surrounding pregnancy. You really think your grandmother was uncomfortable that her sister told her she was going to have a baby? She may not have wanted to hear the complaining about the swollen feet or didn’t want to play “whose symptoms are worse” but if she was so squeamish that someone said they were expecting, there was something really wrong there and don’t blame it on Emily Post.

And yet for all of this you still haven’t identified the “courtesy” lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

For many people who have had loss, late loss, and losses, this very much is sharing medical information. It’s remarkable you don’t realize this.

Almost every woman who has multiple children has had "pregnancy loss."

Not to mention that nowdays people often know they’re pregnant about 30 seconds into their pregnancy so miscarriages are more common—back in the day those very early miscarriages people often thought they were just late/heavy.

This is so weird. There are so many "common" things that people wish to be private about. Cancer is another one.

However, research shows that survival is worse among those who keep their cancer secret. Normal humans desire human community. The behavior that you are trying to normalize is dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Social media has made everyone lose their sense of what is their business. For hundreds of years when letter was the primary means of communication with distant relatives, people found out when the baby arrives. OP isn’t close enough to have seen her sister in months. No one has articulated why this is a big deal.