Is This the Norm? My Husband Says I’m Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You have to figure out if this relationship is working for you FINANCIALLY.

There are plenty of partnerships in life that do well because the money is there. There's no shame in living such a life. But you need to figure out it applies to you. Otherwise, maybe divorcing is a better option. Think long and hard about it. Consult a lawyer that you pay with your own money such that he cannot see the expense on the credit card.

Would you tell a man there is no shame in that?

Would you want that for your daughter, or would you be ashamed if she married a man because “the money was there?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You have to figure out if this relationship is working for you FINANCIALLY.

There are plenty of partnerships in life that do well because the money is there. There's no shame in living such a life. But you need to figure out it applies to you. Otherwise, maybe divorcing is a better option. Think long and hard about it. Consult a lawyer that you pay with your own money such that he cannot see the expense on the credit card.

Would you tell a man there is no shame in that?

Would you want that for your daughter, or would you be ashamed if she married a man because “the money was there?”

Any 18 year old looking to date 40-60 year old men is obviously there to be taken care of financially, remember this one got pregnant quickly and hasn’t worked since

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP - read it again. Please do it as you are not focused on right man and your priorities are not right.
Worrying about him and his first set of family should be last on your priorities list

Think about it: your value on dating market is estimated in millions of dollars. I’m not joking - that’s how much I got as my divorce settlement after marriage with a large age gap.

His dating value is negative even to women his age as he’s not able to provide even for a decent vacation to mother of his kid

Dump him NOW. Jump on a wealthy last train now that will set you for life.

Go dating !

I can’t stand the way people are monetizing this woman. Totally based upon her perceived body I guess.

Commodification of women is alive and well in DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband and his ex wife are still banging.

I don’t really care about that, I just want him to give my son a vacation.

Try harder.

+1

She be still looking for a free lunch

This 🔥

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this story so hard to believe because I have two daughters late in high school and they and their friends consider any man older than early 20s to be a hideous geriatric dad type. How would you meet a 40 year old while still in high school, be dumb enough to sleep with him and then marry him within months? Do you not have any friends or family smacking any sense into you? Wasn’t this embarrassing to everyone at the time?

Well, all teenagers arent like that I don’t think 40 is old, and why is it dumb to sleep and marry with someone that you love?

It is dumb for a teenager to sleep with a 40 year old divorced dad of 3. It is dumb to get pregnant within a few months of dating such a man. Is is dumb to get married as a pregnant teenager and expect that you will be treated respectfully especially if you never have a job or contribute

What's wrong with being divorced or 40? Neither was an issue for me. I genuinely wanted to date him (not just sleep with him), and I did. There’s nothing foolish about marrying someone who intends to marry you, regardless of whether you're pregnant or not. I wasn't a teenager/kid, and none of this is tied to having a job.

You said you were 18, isn’t that a teenager?

The fact that you haven’t had any job means you are entirely financially dependent on your much older husband who gets to control your spending on vacations. You have no other options as a pregnant teen bride.

It is very unusual for an unwed 18 year old to get pregnant by a 40 year old, as much as you think this was a great idea most teenagers and anyone who cares about them does not.

I’m not like most other teens—I made my own decisions. I wouldn’t call my 18-year-old self a teenager, and I didn’t think like one either. An 18-year-old getting pregnant by a 40-year-old isn’t unheard of, and for me, it wasn’t a dumb decision. We’re still married and raising our child together—that’s the point I’m making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is not normal. You know this.

+1. Are you sure he's actually divorced?

Yes, his ex-girlfriend from before we got together—who he was once planning to marry—reached out to me, and now we're actually pretty good friends.

Girl.
You all are messy & sloppy AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The 40 year old divorced guy at the underage club is already a sad story in one sentence, and then everything after that is just a trainwreck.

No wonder he wants to spend summers playing pretend with his first family that he never blew up his life in a midlife crisis cliche.

Get out, OP. Make a real life for yourself. Either find a better guy looking for a sugar baby like the upthread PP advised or get a degree on this guy's dime and then bail out.

I agree with this. Get a degree, get some money and get out. Start fresh. This isn't going to get better.

Thank you for telling her to better herself, not sell herself to the highest bidder! 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

You were looking for a sugar daddy and got him. Too bad it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. Use this as a lesson to make better life choices.

So you blame her (who was a teenager), not the middle aged man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

You were looking for a sugar daddy and got him. Too bad it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. Use this as a lesson to make better life choices.

He should have made better life choices too. I get that there are 40 year old men who think it would be fun to sleep with a teenager, but the long term consequence of having to continue to make conversations with that type of teenage mom is never going to be appealing. Of course he doesn’t want teen mom or her kid on his vacation, he’s getting away from them with adults he loves for a week.

Please do not normalize predatory behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 27 years old with an 8 year old son. My husband is 49 and wants to take a vacation in July with his ex-wife and her three kids (25, 23, 21). He’s really close to them and says it’s normal and healthy to do things with his ex and her family. However, he doesn’t want to plan a vacation for my son and me. Instead, he wants my son to spend the summer at home while he goes off with them.
My son is really upset that he won’t be able to go on a vacation, and my husband made him cry. My husband doesn’t seem to care at all that we’re both hurt and upset. It feels like he’s putting his ex’s family above ours.

I don’t know what to do. It seems like he doesn’t care about me or my son at all. It’s so frustrating. How do you even handle something like this?

This has to be a troll, I mean roll this numbers back 9 years (assuming 9 month gestation for 8 year old)

I’m not OP but my ex’s new girlfriend is 10 years younger than me and we have kids the same age. She had her first at age 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this story so hard to believe because I have two daughters late in high school and they and their friends consider any man older than early 20s to be a hideous geriatric dad type. How would you meet a 40 year old while still in high school, be dumb enough to sleep with him and then marry him within months? Do you not have any friends or family smacking any sense into you? Wasn’t this embarrassing to everyone at the time?

Well, all teenagers arent like that I don’t think 40 is old, and why is it dumb to sleep and marry with someone that you love?

It is dumb for a teenager to sleep with a 40 year old divorced dad of 3. It is dumb to get pregnant within a few months of dating such a man. Is is dumb to get married as a pregnant teenager and expect that you will be treated respectfully especially if you never have a job or contribute

What's wrong with being divorced or 40? Neither was an issue for me. I genuinely wanted to date him (not just sleep with him), and I did. There’s nothing foolish about marrying someone who intends to marry you, regardless of whether you're pregnant or not. I wasn't a teenager/kid, and none of this is tied to having a job.

You said you were 18, isn’t that a teenager?

The fact that you haven’t had any job means you are entirely financially dependent on your much older husband who gets to control your spending on vacations. You have no other options as a pregnant teen bride.

It is very unusual for an unwed 18 year old to get pregnant by a 40 year old, as much as you think this was a great idea most teenagers and anyone who cares about them does not.

I’m not like most other teens—I made my own decisions. I wouldn’t call my 18-year-old self a teenager, and I didn’t think like one either. An 18-year-old getting pregnant by a 40-year-old isn’t unheard of, and for me, it wasn’t a dumb decision. We’re still married and raising our child together—that’s the point I’m making.

Oh, honey. Making your own decisions ***which are bad decisions*** is exactly what thinking like a teenager means. I'm sorry you didn't have anyone to steer you away from this awful man. Adult women know that a 40-year-old meeting teens in a nightclub is someone to avoid. And yes you were a teen.

You're still married (for now) but that's a low bar. You're married to an awful, controlling man who treats you badly and treats his own son badly too. You've sacrificed some essential years for your career and education. Your options are very limited. You are bizarrely focused on this vacation because you don't want to see the truth-- that your husband is treating you badly and you need to plan your exit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why people keep bringing up age, because that is not the main point of my post. What I really need is advice on how to handle this situation with my husband and how to make things right for my my son. OP

We see what you do not.

Because we are your husband’s age, not 27.

Trust me, it is relevant.

You feel powerless, and he likes you right where you are.

He could not handle an equal partner. I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why people keep bringing up age, because that is not the main point of my post. What I really need is advice on how to handle this situation with my husband and how to make things right for my my son. OP

It's the reason he doesn't want to bring you and they don't want you to be there.

Your husband should take your son on vacation. But he does not want to. I dunno. Other than talking with him, I think you're stuck.

I’m fine with not being there, but I don’t like that he chooses them to vacation with vs us. And he refuses to let us vacation together at a later time and also refuses to allow me and my son to vacation together without him.

He keeps “refusing” you things?

Where is your voice?

You really need marriage counseling, to set him straight. (And perhaps counseling for you to figure out why you chose a man who seems to disrespect women, and has no desire for an adult partnership.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this story so hard to believe because I have two daughters late in high school and they and their friends consider any man older than early 20s to be a hideous geriatric dad type. How would you meet a 40 year old while still in high school, be dumb enough to sleep with him and then marry him within months? Do you not have any friends or family smacking any sense into you? Wasn’t this embarrassing to everyone at the time?

Well, all teenagers arent like that I don’t think 40 is old, and why is it dumb to sleep and marry with someone that you love?

It is dumb for a teenager to sleep with a 40 year old divorced dad of 3. It is dumb to get pregnant within a few months of dating such a man. Is is dumb to get married as a pregnant teenager and expect that you will be treated respectfully especially if you never have a job or contribute

What's wrong with being divorced or 40? Neither was an issue for me. I genuinely wanted to date him (not just sleep with him), and I did. There’s nothing foolish about marrying someone who intends to marry you, regardless of whether you're pregnant or not. I wasn't a teenager/kid, and none of this is tied to having a job.

You said you were 18, isn’t that a teenager?

The fact that you haven’t had any job means you are entirely financially dependent on your much older husband who gets to control your spending on vacations. You have no other options as a pregnant teen bride.

It is very unusual for an unwed 18 year old to get pregnant by a 40 year old, as much as you think this was a great idea most teenagers and anyone who cares about them does not.

I’m not like most other teens—I made my own decisions. I wouldn’t call my 18-year-old self a teenager, and I didn’t think like one either. An 18-year-old getting pregnant by a 40-year-old isn’t unheard of, and for me, it wasn’t a dumb decision. We’re still married and raising our child together—that’s the point I’m making.

Oh FFS. That's what everyone says when they're barely 18 and dating an older man! I bet he told you that you were sooooo mature for your age, didn't he?

You say there's nothing foolish about marrying someone who intends to marry you? What a bizarre thing to say. It doesn't really make any sense grammatically! You can't marry someone who 'intends' to marry you. You can only marry someone who is *simultaneously* marrying you. And of course it can be foolish if the person is not a good person. In your case it was foolish, because he's not being a good husband to you and he's not being a good father to your son. But because you have no job and no money, you're stuck.

It is tied to having a job because you need to get a job so that you can leave this awful situation.