In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

Some of us have family and friends we like and we can afford to host and entertain without worry about “cleaning up” or affording the maintenance that we would be paying anyway.

Threads like this surface regularly, and I read and walk away grateful to be surrounded by people I like every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

But it doesn’t have to be moochers versus non-moochers. It’s not black and white. I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.

Because for some people it will just lead to issues. Of course there are known charges for things, but what if someone breaks a lamp? What if damage is discovered and they say they didn't do it but you know they did? There are some people who are like that, and saying yes to them, even with expense parameters, just doesn't work. Be glad you don't know any of these people, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m generally a very nice person, but I wouldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t let any of my six younger siblings, their spouses, or kids vacation freely at my beach house, so why would I let a brother-in-law? It’s simply not their property, and I wouldn’t ask that of someone else, so they shouldn’t be asking me.

I come from a more collectivist Eastern European background, and even with that perspective, I still wouldn’t do this. At most, maybe for one or two of my own siblings—but definitely not for in-laws like a husband’s brother, mother, or sister. I don’t really understand why people are getting so worked up about it. The U.S. tends to emphasize individualism, and sometimes the reactions feel more about signaling moral superiority than genuine concern for family.

Why the double standard? Why is your family okay to invite but your DH’s not okay. Don’t you own it together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.

They could. Somehow on DCUM no one wants to actually communicate - they'd rather be offended

OR they have relatives who left a carton of blackberries on the kitchen countertop overnight and stained the brand new marble that was just installed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

Lol, also my question.

It's easy to act like you'd let whoever stay in your multi-million dollar beach house. It's another thing to actually have to deal with it and with some people who are obnoxious and don't take care of things. If you don't have a nice vacation house, I'm not sure what to tell you, except that your opinion is useless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

We don't want to rent out our house because we want it to be available for whenever we want to use it and we don't want random people living in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

Some of us have family and friends we like and we can afford to host and entertain without worry about “cleaning up” or affording the maintenance that we would be paying anyway.

And some of us can afford it but don't want to deal with the hassle of family and friends abusing the property. You can understand that, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

But it doesn’t have to be moochers versus non-moochers. It’s not black and white. I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.

Because for some people it will just lead to issues. Of course there are known charges for things, but what if someone breaks a lamp? What if damage is discovered and they say they didn't do it but you know they did? There are some people who are like that, and saying yes to them, even with expense parameters, just doesn't work. Be glad you don't know any of these people, I guess.

It’s a choice to go through life worrying about all the things that can go wrong. At the end of the day a lamp isn’t really worth it for me. Fractured family relationships over lamps? So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

We don't want to rent out our house because we want it to be available for whenever we want to use it and we don't want random people living in it.

Living in it? Now we have squatters instead of people staying for a weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

This is the crux of the issue. For having 2nd homes, some of the people in here really seem to be living beyond their means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

This is an example of them not thinking that they are using something you bought and haven't had the opportunity to use. It was one thing using it once but asking again so soon isn't nice. Irony is that if you say no, you'll be seen as the inconsiderate though its the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Really? It seems like most of our neighbors own two or three homes as do we. It is pretty common to own a second or third home for people living in more exclusive areas in northern Virginia. It just is.

Your mistake is assuming the posters here are your friends and neighbors.

+1

All the people shocked at the price of cleaning clearly don't own a nice vacation house, so honestly their opinions are worthless.

We own a nice vacation home and don't pay anywhere near that. Obviously those posters have places where they're competing with short term vacation rentals for help. That's not where our place is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

Some of us have family and friends we like and we can afford to host and entertain without worry about “cleaning up” or affording the maintenance that we would be paying anyway.

Threads like this surface regularly, and I read and walk away grateful to be surrounded by people I like every time.

+1. So true. People on DCUM lead very sad lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

Lol, also my question.

It's easy to act like you'd let whoever stay in your multi-million dollar beach house. It's another thing to actually have to deal with it and with some people who are obnoxious and don't take care of things. If you don't have a nice vacation house, I'm not sure what to tell you, except that your opinion is useless.

I love this. PP you quoted and I do, in fact, have a vacation house that we let friends and family use. Hence the question.