I went to visit a swingers club for the first time. AMA

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:PP I am a woman in my 40s, white, petite.

So the bi guy bangs both you and your husband?

Sometimes both of us, sometimes I get all the attention. It actually opened my eyes how many men are bisexual.

This is confusing. Didn’t you just say your husband was straight ? Or it’s a different poster ?
OP - are you both straight ?

I am not the topic starter. I am the one who got dissapointed in group meetings. I am F straight, my partner M bi.

In your experience, men who enjoy both types of threesomes MFM and FMF - are they more commonly bisexual ? I can’t imagine being ok watching my partner having sex with someone else unless I was getting engaged with that 3rd person, too

I have never done FMF as I am as straight as can be. My partner is bisexual and I knew that from when we just began dating (15 years ago.) With 2 men there is no watching, you always participate. At least in my experience. I never feel left out.

A FMF is with straight women. A FFM is bi women. The positions of the letters matter. MFM is 2 guys pleasing the woman, MMF is a guy and a woman pleasing the other guy.

Regardless if it's MFM or MMF I get a lot of attention. Its all about me (F) + I am the one who write the scenarios of what I want to do and where we meet. I dress up and I got to live out my promiscious side (in real life me and my partner are suburban parents with demanding carreers.)

MMF is so gusting. I wouldn’t be able to stomach watching a guy f..g my husband in the A

Did you know that not all bi guys do that? They do other things, but not that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes. We don't bring the children with us.

You hire a babysitter so you can go to the swingers club

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes. We don't bring the children with us.

You hire a babysitter so you can go to the swingers club

Probably not for long. Soon they'll both be kid free 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

I think you said ages ranged from people in their 20s to ~60. Were people mostly interacting with others of similar ages? Are 20-somethings having sex with 50-somethings?

Do people interact or have sex with others with a similar level of attractiveness? (Like cliquey groups in college?)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I appreciate you sharing, OP. And I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. From my perspective, it just sounds sad and empty (which I realize is a me issue). Did you worry about being recognized? And what was the cost financially?

I think this really depends on your personality. I’m an extrovert who has an exhibitionist streak. For me, going somewhere that I can dance with Hubs and talk to new people with my boobs out is heaven.

I didn’t worry about being recognized. I’m not a public figure so I assume that these people have no idea who I am. I will not see most of them again. If I do see them again, I assume that they have just as much interest in discretion as I do.

A monthly membership fee was about $30 and our entry for the night was about $50. We brought our own alcohol with us and they provide all mixers. We tipped the bartenders and attendants. So all in for about $110.

Gross. This is a low bar for entry. The “Membership Fee” is so low it serves no screening function and the cost for the evening is less than a few items at Whole Foods or Giant. At those prices you can be sure they aren’t washing the linens more than once a month and the “mixers” come from Costco. This doesn’t sound sexy it sounds cheap and tawdry.

Agree that the pricing seems so low that I'd assume it's a bargain basement of gross weirdos. The whole thing just seems sad to me. And please, OP, stop using "Hubs". Ick

[Anonymous]

I’m jealous. I’d love to go to one but my SO would freak out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you always an immoral person or did you become one recently? What’s your plan when you meet our creator?

Shoo. This is not your thread.

Have a blessed day!

Lol
NP and I found the question and answer entertaining.
But also it’s an AMA, not an “Ask me anything…as long as it’s a question I approve of!” So the questioner was just participating like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I am a woman in my 40s, white, petite.

So the bi guy bangs both you and your husband?

Sometimes both of us, sometimes I get all the attention. It actually opened my eyes how many men are bisexual.

This is confusing. Didn’t you just say your husband was straight ? Or it’s a different poster ?
OP - are you both straight ?

I am not the topic starter. I am the one who got dissapointed in group meetings. I am F straight, my partner M bi.

In your experience, men who enjoy both types of threesomes MFM and FMF - are they more commonly bisexual ? I can’t imagine being ok watching my partner having sex with someone else unless I was getting engaged with that 3rd person, too

I have never done FMF as I am as straight as can be. My partner is bisexual and I knew that from when we just began dating (15 years ago.) With 2 men there is no watching, you always participate. At least in my experience. I never feel left out.

A FMF is with straight women. A FFM is bi women. The positions of the letters matter. MFM is 2 guys pleasing the woman, MMF is a guy and a woman pleasing the other guy.

Regardless if it's MFM or MMF I get a lot of attention. Its all about me (F) + I am the one who write the scenarios of what I want to do and where we meet. I dress up and I got to live out my promiscious side (in real life me and my partner are suburban parents with demanding carreers.)

MMF is so gusting. I wouldn’t be able to stomach watching a guy f..g my husband in the A

Ok. Thanks for sharing, I guess.

I don't like pecans.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Keep the questions as clean as you can and I will do my best to answer all posted here. I won’t name the exact club or day I went, but the visit was in the last month.

I’m doing this because it was way less scary than I built it up in my mind. I am hoping to help others who are curious and nervous about making the first step/visit.

How attractive were the people? Being propositioned by people I find unattractive and having to see them getting raunchy with each other would turn my stomach.

If you read through the thread, I address attractiveness at several points. If your stomach turns at the idea of someone that you don't find attractive enjoying their body or someone else's body, this is probably not the environment for you. I didn't see anyone that I found grossly unattractive, but had I, I would have just looked away. I don't know what your personal definition of attractiveness is because that is very personal, but please keep in mind that you might be someone's idea of unattractive. Body acceptance (yours and others) is key for enjoying a lifestyle club.

DP. But realistically it sounds like all the women there were in fact performing femininity (all dressed up, taking the role of the traditionally “sexy” one) whereas the men just put on a nice pair of slacks. Although I find the “lifestyle” clubs intriguing I think I would feel very off-put at the reproduction of mainstream gender stuff.

Performing femininity, or actually feminine? I am generally a feminine woman. I mean, today I'm in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, but if I leave the house, I'm generally in feminine presenting clothing. Would you have this same thought if I told you that I was wearing a dress and heels to work, which I do?

There were women there in longer dresses, jeans and a sweater, and other items that didn't show of their bodies. I don't think anyone would bat an eye if a woman showed up in a more neutral outfit. I chose to show up in a short dress.

But were any of the men showing skin or were they just standing around on the dance floor in khakis watching the “ladies” dance with their boobs out?

They were in their slacks. Most women did not have their boobs out- they were wearing club-y dresses, boobs tucked in. Of 60 people on the dance floor, maybe 4 women had their boobs out?

Would you want a bunch of guys with no pants hanging around? No judgement from me, but if that was your thing, I'm sure you could find a club that has more that type of vibe!

I don't necessarily want men with no pants on, but I most definitely do not want an atmosphere where women are there to be sexy and gawked at while men stand around in their "slacks."

I guess my question to you is- what do you define as sexy for a man? When I close my eyes and picture a sexy man he is typically wearing a well cut dark suit, a tight shirt that shows off his muscles, and nice shoes. So, for me, a bunch of well dressed men aren't a problem. I would probably be a bit uncomfortable if I walked in and all the guys were wearing just jock straps

You're not quite getting it. Yes that does sound nice (albeit not what you described) but the issue is that this club seems entirely designed for the, sorry to be hackneyed, "male gaze." That is not sexy to me in the slightest.

If you were going to create a dress code catering to the female gaze, what would it require?

It’s not just a dress code but the behavior and presumptions.

We all contain multitudes. But this part of the discussion was about how women dress versus how men dress and then about how the men would be expected to dress if we were to make the attire part of the equation equitable.

Behavior and presumptions might be an interesting discussion as well; but we haven't quite pinned down how men ought to be dressing if we want to cater to the "female gaze."

Way to miss the point.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't read all 13 pages of replies but how did attending this impact the sex you presumably had when you hit home?

[Anonymous]

Op you're a pervert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes. We don't bring the children with us.

You hire a babysitter so you can go to the swingers club

Nope, they have two sets of grandparents who do it for free.

[Anonymous]

It's so sad there's so much kink-shaming. At lot of you people in sex-starved, lonely marriages should look within and consider why you have so much shame and guilt over something so human

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad there's so much kink-shaming. At lot of you people in sex-starved, lonely marriages should look within and consider why you have so much shame and guilt over something so human

Because it's stupid. I heard of a couple that the wife was attractive and they decided to date others while married. So the woman ended up falling for the guy and divorced and now they're fighting for child custody. Humans are meant to be monogamous or have a sense of exclusivity to stay together long-term. I mean would you kiss your wife or husband after their tongue was in someone's butt? If you say yes then you probably are as likely to step out as they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so sad there's so much kink-shaming. At lot of you people in sex-starved, lonely marriages should look within and consider why you have so much shame and guilt over something so human

Because it's stupid. I heard of a couple that the wife was attractive and they decided to date others while married. So the woman ended up falling for the guy and divorced and now they're fighting for child custody. Humans are meant to be monogamous or have a sense of exclusivity to stay together long-term. I mean would you kiss your wife or husband after their tongue was in someone's butt? If you say yes then you probably are as likely to step out as they are.

Yes, the 50% divorce rate shows how well traditional marriage is working.