Should grandma go to birthday party or visit with newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what ended up happening?

i'd like to know what happened to. Hopefully OP made the right decision and went to the party and saw the baby either before or after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

we have to be gentle with pp this is how she was raised- emotional hyperbolic, verbally abusive tirades

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

Where’s the hyperbole? You are the one saying it’s emotionally abusive for a four-year-old to hear that Grandma can’t come to his birthday party because his cousin was born and she is going to go help his aunt and visit the newborn cousin.

That’s a plainly insane take, and that’s not exaggeration. It’s simply factual. It’s insane, like the sky is blue.

[Anonymous]

For the record, this is what the PP claims is emotionally abusive language:

I’m sorry, Larla, but your baby cousin was born and Grandma needs to go help them. That’s a really important thing for her to do, so she can’t come to your party. She’ll do something special with you another time.

I leave it as an exercise in rational parenting for DCUM’s gentle readers to determine if this, in fact, emotionally abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

Where’s the hyperbole? You are the one saying it’s emotionally abusive for a four-year-old to hear that Grandma can’t come to his birthday party because his cousin was born and she is going to go help his aunt and visit the newborn cousin.

That’s a plainly insane take, and that’s not exaggeration. It’s simply factual. It’s insane, like the sky is blue.

I’m not the one who says it’s emotional
abusive. I just think it’s plain sh*tty to do to a little kid.

The poster didn’t say the language was abusive but not letting the little kid feel upset to spare the feelings of adults would be abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

Where’s the hyperbole? You are the one saying it’s emotionally abusive for a four-year-old to hear that Grandma can’t come to his birthday party because his cousin was born and she is going to go help his aunt and visit the newborn cousin.

That’s a plainly insane take, and that’s not exaggeration. It’s simply factual. It’s insane, like the sky is blue.

What's emotionally abusive is acting like the 4 year old won't be hurt if Grandma no shows just because you tell her not. To be hurt.
What is emotionally abusive is saying that the child is entitled or spoiled etc if they are hurt.

What's abusive is you calling names and becoming hyperbolic when someone disagrees with you.

You don't recognize it as a use because that's the dynamic you grew up with.
Your feelings don't matter.
Your feelings are stupid and entitled if someone else disagrees with them or inconveniences them.
if you dare to speak up or voice a differing opinion it's met with derision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the record, this is what the PP claims is emotionally abusive language:

I’m sorry, Larla, but your baby cousin was born and Grandma needs to go help them. That’s a really important thing for her to do, so she can’t come to your party. She’ll do something special with you another time.

I leave it as an exercise in rational parenting for DCUM’s gentle readers to determine if this, in fact, emotionally abusive.

You should go back and read what that poster said. You’ve missed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

Where’s the hyperbole? You are the one saying it’s emotionally abusive for a four-year-old to hear that Grandma can’t come to his birthday party because his cousin was born and she is going to go help his aunt and visit the newborn cousin.

That’s a plainly insane take, and that’s not exaggeration. It’s simply factual. It’s insane, like the sky is blue.

I’m not the one who says it’s emotional
abusive. I just think it’s plain sh*tty to do to a little kid.

The poster didn’t say the language was abusive but not letting the little kid feel upset to spare the feelings of adults would be abusive.

NP. Little kids do a happy dance at the sight of a bowl of M+Ms and as long as there are presents and a cake, frankly don’t give much of a shyt if an old lady gives them another present on the day of or a few days later.

[Anonymous]

OP here - for those asking for an update. Grandma went to see the newborn. Nothing was said by birthday child’s family. No plans to reschedule the visit from either end. Sister with the baby has texted multiple pictures of the baby and updates to everyone after icing everyone out for months. People responded with congratulations.

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Anonymous wrote:We need to know why the newborn visit was requested for that particular day.

OP here - no specific reason, just made sense to have the visit as soon as things have settled down at the hospital. The day of the birth is always chaotic and it wouldn't be helpful to have the grandparent there that day.

Of course grandma should visit the newborn in the hospital (or, the first day at home). Absolutely! This is a once in a lifetime.

OP here - How upset would you be if grandma asked whether it's ok to visit after the birthday party or the following day? You said she'd rather not come after the party due to concern about infectious risk.
Upset enough you would tell them not to bother coming if it's not that day/time?
Just trying to gage what people think is a "reasonable" reaction, everyone is welcome to answer.

A mom who is 24hr post partum isn't going to be "reasonable". And having someone come visit my 24 hour old baby after being at a toddler's birthday party would make me anxious too, if I were that sister. I would be really hurt if I called my mom to say, "the baby just arrived today! Can you come visit us in the hospital tomorrow??" and she said "sorry, I plan to attend Grandson's birthday party, I can come 6 hours later that day after getting coughed on"

You might be hurt but that’s on you. You want to be prioritized (after being estranged at your choice) over your niece or nephew. It funny when everyone is talking about the grandson being spoiled but if you are so hurt to see your mom less than 24 hours after you wanted, that’s on you.

This other grandchild is likely not even old enough to recognize grandma isn’t there, according to OP. You’re being over the top here.

There is an insane PP who believes telling a four-year-old that Grandma cannot come to his birthday party constitutes “emotional abuse.” I think that’s the person you are responding to.

Look at you displaying that maturity you claim is abundant in your family. I'm inclined to believe you don't have children because you don't realize a 4 year old will will be impacted by their grandmother breaking a promise. I; 'm also inclined to believe that baby you are currently pregnant with your first and fully believe that the entire family's plans should revolve around you and your newborn.

The emotionally abusive part comes with the adults not allowing the child to feel disappointed by grandma breaking her promise by shaming them for feeling sad by saying grandma had to do something important etc.

Yeah, you are crazy. You are also clearly raising entitled nightmare children.

You keep displaying your maturity. You are raising children to accept emotional abuse.

Lady, there is not another way to describe your position. I’m sorry, but there just isn’t.

My children are well-adjusted and successful young adults and teens who aren’t narcissists who expect the world to stop every year on their birthdays. We are a close extended family that would never get up to OPs shenanigans because everyone is reasonable and nobody teaches four-year-olds that their birthdays are akin to national holidays in terms of importance.

How do you all do with hyperbole and exaggeration? Seems like it might be a strong suit in your family.

Where’s the hyperbole? You are the one saying it’s emotionally abusive for a four-year-old to hear that Grandma can’t come to his birthday party because his cousin was born and she is going to go help his aunt and visit the newborn cousin.

That’s a plainly insane take, and that’s not exaggeration. It’s simply factual. It’s insane, like the sky is blue.

I’m not the one who says it’s emotional
abusive. I just think it’s plain sh*tty to do to a little kid.

The poster didn’t say the language was abusive but not letting the little kid feel upset to spare the feelings of adults would be abusive.

NP. Little kids do a happy dance at the sight of a bowl of M+Ms and as long as there are presents and a cake, frankly don’t give much of a shyt if an old lady gives them another present on the day of or a few days later.

Some kids have great relationships with their grandparents. Sorry you don’t have that kind of family.