Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

So PP should spend less on her kids education and enrichment so that she can afford first class airfare?

DP: Did you not read the above?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

So PP should spend less on her kids education and enrichment so that she can afford first class airfare?

DP: Did you not read the above?

But that's what we're talking about: ability to afford first class airfare on 400k. PP stated her stats, someone responded that kids don't need this stuff. No one said anything about kids needing this stuff, PP just explained where her 400k goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

So PP should spend less on her kids education and enrichment so that she can afford first class airfare?

DP: Did you not read the above?

But that's what we're talking about: ability to afford first class airfare on 400k. PP stated her stats, someone responded that kids don't need this stuff. No one said anything about kids needing this stuff, PP just explained where her 400k goes.

But the PP was responding to the other thing that the person said which was that it's super expensive to raise kids here. But really many of the things she posted were about her choices of how to spend. Which is just the same as people making choices about spending on first class. I personally agree it's better to spend on educational enrichment than first class flights, but it still is a choice not a constraint because "kids are so expensive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

Not "crying Poor". Financially smart people who earn only 400K do not spend it on business class trip to Europe. They save that money for a 2nd vacation.

+1. Only a moron would buy business class at that income level. You reach a point where of course any one specific thing is "affordable" but that doesn't mean you should do it. We have almost $3M saved in our taxable and retirement accounts. So technically we could "afford" to go pay cash for a $3M house instead. But that would be really effing stupid.

This is the key. We make about $500k each year, and while yes, we could afford a $200k car, or to fly business class on each trip, or pay $2m for a house, we don't do those things (and could definitely not do all of them).

The PP has picked a very strange hill to take a stand on. I doubt you could find more than a handful of people who make $400k that spring for business or first class for their flights. I suspect this is just a way for the PP to express disdain for other's budgeting ability, and she's now reluctant to admit that she was wrong.

I am not wrong, as all of the responses have (reluctantly) admitted that you can absolutely afford it on that income, which was the original point of contention. Whether or not it would be something you think it a good use of your disposable income is irrelevant. The fact is it is easily affordable on a 400K income.

I am sure you all spend your money on lots of things that I personally would find “moronic”. For example, having a nanny or housekeeper while also being a SAHM seems like a foolish waste of money (as I believe OP is considering), but if you can afford it and choose to spend your excess income that way, have at it.

Only someone who lives paycheck to paycheck thinks like this.

I don’t understand. Only a person who lives paycheck to paycheck thinks that after paying for all of one’s needs and putting away ample savings for retirement and college, one can then choose where and how to spend (or save) any money remaining? How do non-paycheck to paycheck people think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

If you have 8k a month for all of those things, would you spend 15-20k on business class seats?

If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.

I don’t think PP is saying she’s too poor to afford business class. What she’s saying is if you spend 15-20k on business class seats it’s going to have to come from somewhere else.

Exactly! Not saying “I’m poor”. But pointing out it’s not the smartest decision fiscally. Most fiscally smart people would not spend on business class seats at that income—-I’d rather have that money for an extra vacation than spend 12-14k for 8 hours on a plane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

Umm no $10k for 3 kids for the entire summer (ie exciting childcare) is not that expensive. That’s typically 10-12 weeks of camp. So it’s about 300 or leas per week per kid. Park and rec camps for 5-6 hours per day ran me $200-250/week 15 years ago

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

So PP should spend less on her kids education and enrichment so that she can afford first class airfare?

DP: Did you not read the above?

But that's what we're talking about: ability to afford first class airfare on 400k. PP stated her stats, someone responded that kids don't need this stuff. No one said anything about kids needing this stuff, PP just explained where her 400k goes.

And pointed out where normal people making 400k spend their money. It ain’t on business class tickets, unless they are single or dinks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

If you have 8k a month for all of those things, would you spend 15-20k on business class seats?

If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.

I don’t think PP is saying she’s too poor to afford business class. What she’s saying is if you spend 15-20k on business class seats it’s going to have to come from somewhere else.

Exactly! Not saying “I’m poor”. But pointing out it’s not the smartest decision fiscally. Most fiscally smart people would not spend on business class seats at that income—-I’d rather have that money for an extra vacation than spend 12-14k for 8 hours on a plane.

Sigh. There is a fundamental miscommunication here. The question is not “would this be a smart financial decision?” Nor is the question “would I personally spend this money on business class tickets?” The question was “could I afford to spend that much money on business class tickets if I decided that I really wanted to fly business class?” And the answer indisputably is “yes, you can afford it”.

I can’t figure out what in the world the rest of you are arguing about. No one is telling you that you are required to fly first class, just as no one is telling you that you should buy a 1 million dollar+ house or a six figure electric vehicle, or that you should have a nanny or a housekeeper or a lawn service or private schools, or invest all your money so you can take a tour in Jeff Bezos’s rocket someday. Merely that these things are options at that income level (actually I am not sure about the rocket) and you can use your discretion to determine where to put your discretionary income. Pretending that you simply can’t afford it when the reality is that you just don’t want to spend your money that way is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

Umm no $10k for 3 kids for the entire summer (ie exciting childcare) is not that expensive. That’s typically 10-12 weeks of camp. So it’s about 300 or leas per week per kid. Park and rec camps for 5-6 hours per day ran me $200-250/week 15 years ago

Have you heard of inflation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

If you have 8k a month for all of those things, would you spend 15-20k on business class seats?

If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.

I don’t think PP is saying she’s too poor to afford business class. What she’s saying is if you spend 15-20k on business class seats it’s going to have to come from somewhere else.

Exactly! Not saying “I’m poor”. But pointing out it’s not the smartest decision fiscally. Most fiscally smart people would not spend on business class seats at that income—-I’d rather have that money for an extra vacation than spend 12-14k for 8 hours on a plane.

Sigh. There is a fundamental miscommunication here. The question is not “would this be a smart financial decision?” Nor is the question “would I personally spend this money on business class tickets?” The question was “could I afford to spend that much money on business class tickets if I decided that I really wanted to fly business class?” And the answer indisputably is “yes, you can afford it”.

I can’t figure out what in the world the rest of you are arguing about. No one is telling you that you are required to fly first class, just as no one is telling you that you should buy a 1 million dollar+ house or a six figure electric vehicle, or that you should have a nanny or a housekeeper or a lawn service or private schools, or invest all your money so you can take a tour in Jeff Bezos’s rocket someday. Merely that these things are options at that income level (actually I am not sure about the rocket) and you can use your discretion to determine where to put your discretionary income. Pretending that you simply can’t afford it when the reality is that you just don’t want to spend your money that way is silly.

I hope one day you can understand. We all know what we are saying.

[Anonymous]

Wow, $6k is a lot to spend on life and car insurance premiums.

[Anonymous]

Stayed home on a lower salary for DH than yours OP. Zero regrets. Out family life is so much more sane, our kids eat healthy home cooked meals, are read to every day, and we have a very strong bond. I don’t worry about going back to work because there will always be some type of a job for an intelligent, educated person who has the desire to work, albeit at a lower salary I am sure. So far I have not needed to go back.

No one wishes they had worked more or made more on their death bed. No one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have regretted not being a SAHM now that I see how well things turned out. You really can’t look back, substitute a few pieces and think it would have worked out better. One decision affects another.

+1. Plus I didn’t want strangers raising my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1. My husband makes seven figures and we have never flown first or business class. It’s frivolous, and there are 4 of us. We travel a ton and splurge on activities and hotels

[Anonymous]

Consider what your children will learn by watching a smart capable women’s who is entirely dependent upon a man for food and shelter, like one of his children.

She focuses on child care and home management. ( I mean when the kids are older, not babies. )

Don’t you think that will influence their perceptions of the genders?