Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. I have teens, too. I run the house, my spouse checks in with me before buying anything online. Do we have the money in our account for me to buy this? I give the green light or say wait until X date before buying it. I know how much we have of pretty much anything. Spouse makes the money, but I go pay all of the bills that aren't auto deducted so he doesn't have to worry about it. If it's in the fridge, I bought it and put there. without me, this family wouldn't know what's going on. I run this place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

Your husband makes over $1m a year?

Then there is zero, absolutely zero financial reason for you to work. If you are never able to rejoin the work force you will still have a HHI in one year that most make in 10. Even if you divorced 5 years in, you’d be better than most.

Work because you enjoy working, to set an example for your kids, to work your brain. But don’t justify it with finances, that’s just a red herring here.

+1 OP, if you're really worried about finances, then work for 2-3 more years while you cut way back on spending and save. Then you can stop working with at least a few million in the bank. IMO it's a lot better to save to permanently stop working rather than temporarily stop working now and hope to get back in the workforce later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for 19 years. No regrets. Money hasn't been an issue for us though. DH's job is so stressful that he is glad I'm around to handle every other thing in our lives.

+1

If one spouse has a high power, high stress, lots of travel job, and it's high paying, it is less stressful for everyone to have an SAHP, if one wishes to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.

So get a job. Why the melodrama?

[Anonymous]

OP, how much do YOU make? That is relevant here. Are you in a career with easy re-entry? Did you sign a prenup and if so what are the terms?

If he is making seven figures, and you would be hiring a nanny so you can do household tasks....why don't you hire someone to do those household tasks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for 19 years. No regrets. Money hasn't been an issue for us though. DH's job is so stressful that he is glad I'm around to handle every other thing in our lives.

+1

If one spouse has a high power, high stress, lots of travel job, and it's high paying, it is less stressful for everyone to have an SAHP, if one wishes to be.

+2 I’ve been home 10 years and IMO its the best way for a marriage to thrive when one person has a high power/stress/travel/$1M+ job

[Anonymous]

I essentially asked this question last week on the finance forum except our HHI would be 330k without my contribution. Your dh makes 7 figures? No brainer stay home for a few years if you want to, unless you’re living like a kardashian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! Raising hand! I regret it. Not at all because I worry my husband will leave me, but I regret not having employment options now that my kids are middle/high school age. I put myself in a corner. I highly recommend working part time. I have thoroughly enjoyed my lifestyle and easy home life, but it does come at a cost years down the road.

Same.

I have done some part time jobs, but they aren’t high profile and don’t help how people look at me.

I don’t regret the decision to stay home. I do regret not staying connected to my field.

[Anonymous]

No, but DH made 10x what I did so it didn’t make sense for me to work, financially. I also had a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do YOU make? That is relevant here. Are you in a career with easy re-entry? Did you sign a prenup and if so what are the terms?

If he is making seven figures, and you would be hiring a nanny so you can do household tasks....why don't you hire someone to do those household tasks?

I make around $300k. I don’t think it is a super easy reentry but estimate I could get another similar job within a year of trying (assuming no recession/ok economy, which of course is not guaranteed), although my estimate becomes more uncertain the longer I’m (theoretically) out of work.

There is no pre-nup.

We have a nanny now, it’s not someone new we’d be hiring, just keeping existing nanny on for another year or two. This is a completely honest answer that will probably not go over well - the truth is that I do not enjoy being home alone caring for little kids (say pre-2.5 or 3 years old). If another adult is home at the same time and we can kind of trade off, then it’s totally fine, but not alone. On the other hand I enjoy housework and do a better job than any of the cleaning people we’ve had over the years, I like grocery shopping, cooking, volunteering at school, scheduling, errands, all those kinds of things.

So basically between the two I’d rather pay for a nanny than a housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.

So get a job. Why the melodrama?

You’re annoying. I’ll just put my magic hat on get a high-paying job after being home for 15 years. My husband has a large salary, but I am dependent. And if things fall apart I’m screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.

So get a job. Why the melodrama?

You’re annoying. I’ll just put my magic hat on get a high-paying job after being home for 15 years. My husband has a large salary, but I am dependent. And if things fall apart I’m screwed.

Oh so you’re one of those “holding out for management” types. Sorry you don’t have any agency in your life. I guess you have no choice but to wait around for the other shoe to drop.

I cannot roll my eyes hard enough at the people posting in this thread. It boggles the mind how much money is thrown around in corporate America (presumably) to people who don’t seem to have functioning brains in their heads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much do YOU make? That is relevant here. Are you in a career with easy re-entry? Did you sign a prenup and if so what are the terms?

If he is making seven figures, and you would be hiring a nanny so you can do household tasks....why don't you hire someone to do those household tasks?

I make around $300k. I don’t think it is a super easy reentry but estimate I could get another similar job within a year of trying (assuming no recession/ok economy, which of course is not guaranteed), although my estimate becomes more uncertain the longer I’m (theoretically) out of work.

There is no pre-nup.

We have a nanny now, it’s not someone new we’d be hiring, just keeping existing nanny on for another year or two. This is a completely honest answer that will probably not go over well - the truth is that I do not enjoy being home alone caring for little kids (say pre-2.5 or 3 years old). If another adult is home at the same time and we can kind of trade off, then it’s totally fine, but not alone. On the other hand I enjoy housework and do a better job than any of the cleaning people we’ve had over the years, I like grocery shopping, cooking, volunteering at school, scheduling, errands, all those kinds of things.

So basically between the two I’d rather pay for a nanny than a housekeeper.

I think with this kind of self-awareness, your situation could work out great The thing to be aware of is people often spend the money they have and normalize a very expensive lifestyle. You maybe don't want to give up the nanny. Your new private school friends who also don't work take awesome vacations (these rich people do) and of course you want to go too. You upgrade houses. You join the country club because after all you don't have a job so you'd spend time there with all other women who don't work. Don't underestimate how wealthy the private school people will be and this will be your main peer group.

So if you do it, just keep your eye on all of it. It's pretty easy to let 10 years melt away and you're really in some lavish lifestyle that now feels completely normal to you and you're totally dependent on your husband. For me, I would not like that. But I probably have control issues. I always drive myself to the party and never settle into my office too much. Want to be able to control my departure time and terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.

So get a job. Why the melodrama?

You’re annoying. I’ll just put my magic hat on get a high-paying job after being home for 15 years. My husband has a large salary, but I am dependent. And if things fall apart I’m screwed.

My mom went back to work after staying home with four kids for 14 years. She recently retired after nearly 30 years there. She started out part time and ended up full time. She completely switched careers, and it was a bonus because it was flexible enough for her to also be the primary parent. You could go back to work if you actually wanted to, and especially if you don’t actually need the money.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, pp I think OP is a little too self-aware.

A $1m - $4m salary does not warrant this question. Gee, OP, save $2m next year and you'll be fine. Live in a joint property state.