Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM for approximately 2010-2017 and then 2 years during the pandemic during the Great Resignation.

Miraculously I was able to find a good job. I had done some volunteering and very low paying nonprofit jobs and somehow leveraged those into a decent job. I won't be as well-off as before but with the divorce settlement and my income, I'll be fine. I also have my freedom and I feel like I got a second lease on life, which can't be underestimated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, and I say this as someone in a very long-term unusually happy marriage, it does seem like there is a huge element of luck involved. I think it’s foolish to think otherwise.

No, it's not "luck". It's a matter of actually getting to know your partner, having meaningful discussions about important things that matter for a future (finances, kids, careers, goals, etc) and being truthful and genuine. It's not that difficult.

(DP.) Do you really think women who face divorce just had worse judgment than you? Some of them for sure, but think about all the external pressures outside of our control that can do a marriage in: special needs kids, job loss, cancer/bad medical diagnosis, disability.

This just strikes me as deep denial/cognitive dissonance - both on events happening and the belief that your marriage could never fail. It's okay to just say hey, there's a risk, and this is the one I'm choosing to take.

not everyone. But many yes, of my cousins and siblings, the 3 who are divorced (there are 14 of us) we could all see it from the day they announced the engagement. For my sibling specifically it was painfully obvious they were marrying a "loser" who needed to grow up and find their path in life before getting married and starting a family ---think someone who had one class left to pass to graduate college but gave up after 4 attempts where they couldn't pass (for a basic business degree in undergrad) but had no real plans for getting a job and moving forward in life, yet liked to spend money they didn't yet have---so yes if you marry someone like that, you can assume you will be the sole breadwinner and would be in for a lifetime of financial woes, and also a lifetime of that person likely not ever "growing up". Shockingly (NOT--that is sarcasm for the impaired), that is exactly what occurred. Except by then they had chosen to bring a kid into this situation.

Once again, most people I know who end up divorced seemed to go into their marriages without real honest discussions about life--they always seemed to be on opposite pages for key issues. So yes that could have been avoided if they were genuine, honest and actually had had those important discussions before getting married. You may lust after someone but that is very different than true love and wanting to settle down and spend a lifetime with them.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM in my 50s. Kids are in college. I actually never want to go back to work for pay again. I have an easy life and I have no guilt. What people think of me, frankly, I don't give a damn.

- Pampered wife.

[Anonymous]

Before my baby #2 arrived I made the decision to leave the corporate world and set up my own consulting business. I was prepared to stay home if need be but working even part time was important to me. My business did well and my work/life balance was good but after a couple of relocations due to my husbands work I decided to stay at home as my kids were becoming tweens in a new town. I did get very active in the community and I eventually worked part time 20-30 hours a week but again it was a good work/life schedule. I did miss bringing home a big paycheck but we were comfortable and very happy and that’s all that mattered. My husband always left my career decisions up to me and that really helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

I don’t need to spend 24/7, 365 with my spouse. Given that he works from home now 75% of time he’s not traveling, I see him plenty. I have a life and plan outings with my friends when he’s not around, or just enjoy time alone at home.

I mean the first 3 years we knew each other was long distance, including the first 2 years of marriage (I was in grad school)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

I don’t need to spend 24/7, 365 with my spouse. Given that he works from home now 75% of time he’s not traveling, I see him plenty. I have a life and plan outings with my friends when he’s not around, or just enjoy time alone at home.

I mean the first 3 years we knew each other was long distance, including the first 2 years of marriage (I was in grad school)

These posters don’t know what a normal marriage is even like. They made their trade long ago for the $$$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

Do you have kids? When I was working FT with young kids, DH and I would constantly divide and conquer to get everything done. A wealthy SAHM could get a lot of stuff done during the day so the family can enjoy spending time together when the dad is home. Weekends are for family time, not chores. Plus house cleaner, lawn service, nanny if needed, and no problem throwing money at things. It looks like life is easier for those families. I've been running myself ragged for years and am openly jealous.

[Anonymous]

Only when they divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM in my 50s. Kids are in college. I actually never want to go back to work for pay again. I have an easy life and I have no guilt. What people think of me, frankly, I don't give a damn.

- Pampered wife.

Yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

I don’t need to spend 24/7, 365 with my spouse. Given that he works from home now 75% of time he’s not traveling, I see him plenty. I have a life and plan outings with my friends when he’s not around, or just enjoy time alone at home.

I mean the first 3 years we knew each other was long distance, including the first 2 years of marriage (I was in grad school)

These posters don’t know what a normal marriage is even like. They made their trade long ago for the $$$$.

Plenty of people have jobs that require them to travel for work and don’t make 300k+. Anyone in sales, company that has offices more than 100 miles away, anyone who interacts with customers at their job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

Do you have kids? When I was working FT with young kids, DH and I would constantly divide and conquer to get everything done. A wealthy SAHM could get a lot of stuff done during the day so the family can enjoy spending time together when the dad is home. Weekends are for family time, not chores. Plus house cleaner, lawn service, nanny if needed, and no problem throwing money at things. It looks like life is easier for those families. I've been running myself ragged for years and am openly jealous.

This 1000%! The weekends are open for family time because most of the other shit is done during the week. Had I been working 40-50 hours/week and managing the house with 3 kids, I can assure you that the weekend would involve many time consuming chores that simply couldn't be done during the busy week. Also, with 3 kids, during the week is not "quality family time" as each kid is running to a different activity, so it's an afternoon/evening of running the family taxi service---it would never be 1 kid playing baseball and Mom, Dad and all the siblings watching them, because the siblings have their own sports/activities

And thank you for admitting you are "jealous". Most who are posting nasty things are in reality jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

Do you have kids? When I was working FT with young kids, DH and I would constantly divide and conquer to get everything done. A wealthy SAHM could get a lot of stuff done during the day so the family can enjoy spending time together when the dad is home. Weekends are for family time, not chores. Plus house cleaner, lawn service, nanny if needed, and no problem throwing money at things. It looks like life is easier for those families. I've been running myself ragged for years and am openly jealous.

This 1000%! The weekends are open for family time because most of the other shit is done during the week. Had I been working 40-50 hours/week and managing the house with 3 kids, I can assure you that the weekend would involve many time consuming chores that simply couldn't be done during the busy week. Also, with 3 kids, during the week is not "quality family time" as each kid is running to a different activity, so it's an afternoon/evening of running the family taxi service---it would never be 1 kid playing baseball and Mom, Dad and all the siblings watching them, because the siblings have their own sports/activities

And thank you for admitting you are "jealous". Most who are posting nasty things are in reality jealous.

You are quite the all-knowing one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always find it bizarre when women boast about how their husbands never stay home with sick kids so they can prioritize career. The women seem openly proud about how they’ve enabled their husbands to be bad fathers. I genuinely never know how to respond when I hear someone talking about that.

I think they're explaining more than bragging. It's hard to find a really high earning job that also allows for a lot of flexibility and unplanned remote work. They're not bad dads for letting the SAHM or default parent stay home with sick kids. This is usually what it takes to earn a lot of money.

I'm a little jealous and wish that I picked a high-earning husband and I could have stayed home with kids the whole time. Plus had money to outsource to make everyone's lives easier. Of all the combinations, high earning DH with SAHM seems like the best to me.

+1

Don't regret it for a minute. For a high earning job that often involves traveling 2 weeks out of a month and evening events (you don't get to the exec level and stay there without having dinners with customers and employees, etc), the best solution for us was to have a SAHP to ensure continuity for the kids and I wanted to be home with them. Sure I could have worked---I was making low 6 figures at 29 when I quit to SAHP, I could have paid for a nanny/outsourcing services but I preferred to be with my kids. Don't regret it at all

100% THIS

But don’t you miss your husband? I love my husband and am grateful to spend more than 50% of my evenings with him.

Do you have kids? When I was working FT with young kids, DH and I would constantly divide and conquer to get everything done. A wealthy SAHM could get a lot of stuff done during the day so the family can enjoy spending time together when the dad is home. Weekends are for family time, not chores. Plus house cleaner, lawn service, nanny if needed, and no problem throwing money at things. It looks like life is easier for those families. I've been running myself ragged for years and am openly jealous.

I work FT but our well-paid nanny/house manager handles all of our chores for us and preps dinner too. It is really nice.