Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

I had my second child earlier this year and I’m really feeling the pull to stay at home, mostly because I’m not in love with my job and our home life feels so hectic all the time because my husband and I both have those stereotypical “very busy” jobs. (I know this won’t be popular but we would keep our nanny for a while so I would have time to devote to household things other than just childcare, so I do think staying home would improve how smoothly our lives run vs. how it is now.)

Anyways, I know there are lots of women who always post “don’t stay at home, your husband might leave you and you won’t be able to support yourself!” Which I hear and I do consider that risk.

But posting this in the money/finances section because I would really like to hear from anyone who ended up regretting staying at home because financial problems became an issue later on (not due to divorce). This is my main fear in making the decision.

Or if everything worked out for you and your partner financially and you are very glad you decided to stay at home, please share as well!

[Anonymous]

This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

[Anonymous]

I would go part time. Best of both worlds. Your life becomes more sane yet you stay relevant.

Hard to give more specific advice without knowing your finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Raising hand! I regret it. Not at all because I worry my husband will leave me, but I regret not having employment options now that my kids are middle/high school age. I put myself in a corner. I highly recommend working part time. I have thoroughly enjoyed my lifestyle and easy home life, but it does come at a cost years down the road.

[Anonymous]

It’s such a personal decision about personal independence versus relying on someone. Depends on your upbringing, what values matter to you, etc etc.

I know people who have regretted it very much. One got divorced. Ones spouse died. One hated it and couldn’t find a job. It’s all anecdotal.

[Anonymous]

That is the risk, OP. I'd go part time, regretted not having done so when DH was unexpectedly laid off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

Your husband makes over $1m a year?

Then there is zero, absolutely zero financial reason for you to work. If you are never able to rejoin the work force you will still have a HHI in one year that most make in 10. Even if you divorced 5 years in, you’d be better than most.

Work because you enjoy working, to set an example for your kids, to work your brain. But don’t justify it with finances, that’s just a red herring here.

[Anonymous]

We had a child with severe special needs so that is why I became a SAHM. Her needs have only become more complex and challenging as she aged, so going back was never feasible. Being a SAHM allowed me to devote enough time to my DD and her NT brother Fortunately, DH was motivated to find better-paying positions so we were able to still meet our financial goals. DS is now a wonderful and successful young man. We've been married for three decades and don't regret anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

I’m confused why you’re worried about finances with a 7 figure income. Is his job unstable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

What kind of life do you lead that you would have to make financial sacrifices on a million dollar income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

I’m confused why you’re worried about finances with a 7 figure income. Is his job unstable?

More than most - in the past say 5 years he’s made between $1-4m but theoretically it could be zero if things go catastrophically badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

What kind of life do you lead that you would have to make financial sacrifices on a million dollar income?

Lol fair question. I don’t think we live above our means but we do plan on private school for the kids. We only have one car, have not taken any vacations since 2019 so we are not jetsetting around, reasonable (I think) mortgage. Main thing I think is the plans for school costs, and right now we have a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I’d be less worried about the consequences of the marriage ending than the lack of retirement savings, career and salary growth, and ability to get new employment if needed later. But that’s just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

Your husband makes over $1m a year?

Then there is zero, absolutely zero financial reason for you to work. If you are never able to rejoin the work force you will still have a HHI in one year that most make in 10. Even if you divorced 5 years in, you’d be better than most.

Work because you enjoy working, to set an example for your kids, to work your brain. But don’t justify it with finances, that’s just a red herring here.

NP my husband makes seven figures and I work, albeit part time. For all of the reasons you mentioned. Additionally, I never, ever want to be financially dependent on another person. This is less about divorce- my husband could die or become unable to work and I need to be able to feed and house my kids.

The money I made also allows for extras we wouldn't feel comfortable with otherwise and minimizes debt.