Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

So PP should spend less on her kids education and enrichment so that she can afford first class airfare?

[Anonymous]

Parents saying "choose just 1 sport" and sending kids to church summer camp are not using the savings to fly first class. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

PP is going to say well you could buy first class flights instead of saving for retirement therefore you could afford it so she wins 😂

Seriously though, this is helpful to see a real life budget laid out, separately from all the flight nonsense - thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

Like I said, I know we could cut costs in some areas, although it would save us maybe a few thousand dollars per year — not put us in some whole new income group. But I do also need to call you out on some of your assumptions…. The $10,000 in summer camps is for all three kids total. And it IS a church based camp, lol. And also it’s for childcare. It’s $400 per week for full-time care. I was a SAHM for a few years, and we didn’t spend a penny on summer camp. Also we don’t have a high schooler, but certainly when we do, we won’t be paying for full-time day camp.

I’m sure you’re right that some families limit a kid to 1 sport per year, but I do really think that’s draconian if you can afford more and the kid wants to do more. Rec sports last for maybe 8 weeks with 1 practice and 1 game per week. That’s pretty minimal. Kids certainly don’t need formal sports, I agree, but there are substantial social and health benefits and well it’s fun for them. So it’s an area where we spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

Like I said, I know we could cut costs in some areas, although it would save us maybe a few thousand dollars per year — not put us in some whole new income group. But I do also need to call you out on some of your assumptions…. The $10,000 in summer camps is for all three kids total. And it IS a church based camp, lol. And also it’s for childcare. It’s $400 per week for full-time care. I was a SAHM for a few years, and we didn’t spend a penny on summer camp. Also we don’t have a high schooler, but certainly when we do, we won’t be paying for full-time day camp.

I’m sure you’re right that some families limit a kid to 1 sport per year, but I do really think that’s draconian if you can afford more and the kid wants to do more. Rec sports last for maybe 8 weeks with 1 practice and 1 game per week. That’s pretty minimal. Kids certainly don’t need formal sports, I agree, but there are substantial social and health benefits and well it’s fun for them. So it’s an area where we spend.

This. And even if you did save that money, you certainly wouldn't blow it on business class airfare. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

Then you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did PP say she had a kid in high school. I really hope you're not the psychologist I hate to think what your case conceptualizations look like!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

I’m the Pp who posted the budget. It’s $10,000 total for all 3 kids, not per kid. It’s a church camp. We do not have a high schooler. Our kids are 10, 9, and 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

Then you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did PP say she had a kid in high school. I really hope you're not the psychologist I hate to think what your case conceptualizations look like!

Man, you were really rude to the PP and I think you’re wrong here. Context matters. They were talking about 10k camps per child. I’m touring day camps for my kid and the good camps -for a 5yo- are 11,500 for the whole summer. A day camp! For 8 weeks! For a 5 year old. The less expensive options are 6-7k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financially, no, I don't regret being a SAHP. There was very little left over of "my" salary after paying for a nanny and maxing retirement savings. I know people will say I should have looked at our combined salaries. I did. I actually earned more than my DH at the time so financially we would have been better off if he had become the SAHP. We felt fine financially on one salary so it wasn't a financial decision to SAH. It was about what I would regret missing the most, career or time with kids. I'm sure I'll never get back to where I would have been in my career if I had continued working, and I wish the world were different in that regard. I do also wish we had more money but the truth is we wouldn't have that much more. We certainly wouldn't have enough to compensate for the extra busy schedule and we would be spending a ton on outside help to maximize the little family time we would have, again leaving very little (if any) $ left as a result of working. So, for me it was a choice between time and money knowing that more of one meant less of the other.

P.S.- Those fearing the need to restart their careers quickly in the event their partner dies should buy life insurance. Actually, both parents should have that, and for the SAHP consider what your partner would need to pay to outsource everything you do.

+1

Life insurance is key for both parents. We had $4M on working parent and $2.5M on at home parent. We are beyond that now (one in college, one out of college and a 529 in place to fully pay for undergrad), but I would not have been a SAHP without proper life insurance. Last thing you want to have to do is find a job immediately if spouse dies----if you were a SAHP, you wouldn't want to disrupt your kids lives immediately either---that would be the time to be there for the kids and maintain "normalcy". Having 8-10x the working parent salary is key...and also enough on the SAHP so the remaining parent can hire a live in nanny for a few years would be nice as well

Two working parents - we're each insured to pay off the house and then pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

Then you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did PP say she had a kid in high school. I really hope you're not the psychologist I hate to think what your case conceptualizations look like!

Man, you were really rude to the PP and I think you’re wrong here. Context matters. They were talking about 10k camps per child. I’m touring day camps for my kid and the good camps -for a 5yo- are 11,500 for the whole summer. A day camp! For 8 weeks! For a 5 year old. The less expensive options are 6-7k.

Lol no they were not. She has said repeatedly it's 10k total for three kids. I'm being rude because PP is wrong and doubling down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

Then you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did PP say she had a kid in high school. I really hope you're not the psychologist I hate to think what your case conceptualizations look like!

Man, you were really rude to the PP and I think you’re wrong here. Context matters. They were talking about 10k camps per child. I’m touring day camps for my kid and the good camps -for a 5yo- are 11,500 for the whole summer. A day camp! For 8 weeks! For a 5 year old. The less expensive options are 6-7k.

Lol no they were not. She has said repeatedly it's 10k total for three kids. I'm being rude because PP is wrong and doubling down.

Where am I doubling down? I interpreted it to mean 10k per kid and afterwards PP clarified that it was 10k for 3 kids. I didn't "double down." Sorry I quickly read her very long post and I still stand by the basic thing--most people 1) don't have 3 kids on a lower UMC income in a HCOLA, 2) choose to have that many educational luxuries for their kids -- private school tuition, plus multiple seasons of sports with targeted lessons (e.g. pitching lessons) plus private music lessons. I agree it was my mistake that the camps were 10k apiece. My point wasn't that she should cheap out on kids so that she can fly first class--I even said it's great that she chose to skimp on other things for her children--but rather that kids do not need all of this to thrive. I was more reassuring people who don't have the funds for all that, that they can raise kids who thrive in this area without incurring all those expenses.

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Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

That’s about our income:

$260,000 after tax

- $40,000 per year home payment

- $35,000 private school tuition for one of our three children who was struggling in public school (which happens to be the reason I took a high paying but very stressful job I’d rather not have…. Not to fly first class lol)

- $35,000 contributions to retirement savings

- $30,000 contributions to college savings

- $25,000 groceries, household necessities, and eating out

- $6,000 utilities including cell phone, internet, and streaming services

- $12,000 health insurance, premiums including for mental health which one kids requires, medications, braces

- $2000 clothes for whole family and sports equipment for kids

- $10,000 work parking, private school shuttle, ez pass, and gas

- $5,000+ total fees for seasonal sports for each of three kids (it’s about $200+ for rec where we live, so if they do fall soccer and winter basketball and spring baseball and summer swim it adds up to about $2500 per year) plus at least an equal amount for other activities, such as weekly swim lessons, weekly gymnastics, or private pitching lessons for my older son who is a baseball pitcher. Those things tend to run over $100 per month.

- $3500 music lessons plus instrument rentals for two kids

- $6000 life and car insurance premiums

- $1000 pool membership

- $8000 house cleaning devices plus grocery delivery fees

- $2000 misc items such as haircuts, school supplies and supply donations to the classrooms, dry cleaning, and weekend outings like parking at the zoo or going ice skating

- $4000 car and home repair such as annual tree trimming because we have a lot of big old trees, frequent repairs on a 15-year old car we have, and other unexpected things that always come up

- $4,000 gifts for each other for birthdays and holidays, for family, for kids’ friends birthdays, for weddings or similar, etc, hosting holiday dinners, other holiday expenses like a Christmas tree

- $10,000 vacations such as a week at the beach and flying to visit our parents

- $10,000 full time summer camp (for childcare) for three kids


Of course there are areas where we could cut back such as kids’ sports or eating more frugally, but those are expenses we’ve prioritized for the good of our health and quality of life. But really it’s just super expensive to raise kids in this region. I used to work less and we spent less on house cleaning and summer camps, as well as commuting costs, but I make a good deal more than the difference, and we need those things to make it feel sustainable. We live in an old moderately sized house, drive old cars, don’t do travel sports, don’t travel overseas, don’t eat out much or buy high end clothes/furniture, etc.

It's really super expensive to raise kids the way you choose to do in this region (especially if you have three!). I'm a developmental psychologist--there are many thriving, resourceful, curious kids who do not have 10k summer camps and lots of private lessons and three seasons of sports. I think you've made fine, reasonable choices about how you spend your money, but they are choices not requirements. Many parents say choose 1 sport, do school or church based summer camps, or select sport or private lesson, or if a child needs private school opt for less of everything else.
And if your kid is high school age they get a summer job not a summer camp! Their kids are thriving just the same.

If you're really a psychologist you're not a very good one. $10k for three kids for an entire summer, so that PP can work. Have a job. Pay for food. This isn't a fancy horseback-riding camp in Maine. That's 3.25k a kid, for what, 12 weeks? $270 a week?

I interpreted it to be 10k per kid. Also, one of her kids is in high school--it's not common to go to summer camp at that age.

Then you should work on your reading comprehension because nowhere did PP say she had a kid in high school. I really hope you're not the psychologist I hate to think what your case conceptualizations look like!

Man, you were really rude to the PP and I think you’re wrong here. Context matters. They were talking about 10k camps per child. I’m touring day camps for my kid and the good camps -for a 5yo- are 11,500 for the whole summer. A day camp! For 8 weeks! For a 5 year old. The less expensive options are 6-7k.

Lol no they were not. She has said repeatedly it's 10k total for three kids. I'm being rude because PP is wrong and doubling down.

+1 It was clear that the poster meant $10K for all 3 kids combined. She also never said she had a HS kid and came back to clarify that she doesn't.

The jerky poster went on the attack then came back to argue more rather than just admit that she was wrong.