Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be less worried about the consequences of the marriage ending than the lack of retirement savings, career and salary growth, and ability to get new employment if needed later. But that’s just me.

Oh I 100% agree - I just wanted to head off those comments since there are usually a bunch saying it’s a bad idea bc of risk of divorce which I am (rightly or wrongly) not that concerned about compared to financial questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

What kind of life do you lead that you would have to make financial sacrifices on a million dollar income?

Lol fair question. I don’t think we live above our means but we do plan on private school for the kids. We only have one car, have not taken any vacations since 2019 so we are not jetsetting around, reasonable (I think) mortgage. Main thing I think is the plans for school costs, and right now we have a nanny.

I'm the Pp right above. You can have a lot with 1m a year but you can't have everything. Nice house, nanny, travel, nice cars, private school, nice "stuff"- you can't have all of that. We prioritize travel and education/childcare but we don't have nice cars or fancy clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

If husbands job is stable (or they can easily find another one if let go), there is no need for you to work. Build a lifestyle around $500K, save the rest for "rainy day" fund and enjoy life with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I regret it. Dh and I are still married and financially well off (kids in HS/college now) and I went back to work, but my career hasn’t really recovered from the hit. I did not think I would care, but now that I’m older, I do care, especially because the kids aren’t around and I enjoy my work. I also feel like SAH was really bad for my confidence and sense of self as a person and it took a long time to recover from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This depends on so many details that I don't think anyone can give you good advice or relevant anecdotes. What is your husband's salary? What is your salary? What is your mortgage? Any debt? Are you willing to make financial sacrifices if needed?

Sorry this is very fair. Husband makes low 7 figures. Around $700k left on the mortgage. No other debt except car payment on one car. Yes, willing to make financial sacrifices or go back to work if needed, just very fearful of not being able to find a job quickly if needed.

I’m confused why you’re worried about finances with a 7 figure income. Is his job unstable?

More than most - in the past say 5 years he’s made between $1-4m but theoretically it could be zero if things go catastrophically badly.

At that income level, you can save and be prepared for "catastrophically bad". Live on $500K and save rest....build up 529s and retirement funds as well as basic savings so you can weather a downturn.

[Anonymous]

I left my job (nurse) in 2015 that paid around 70k/year at the time. It'd probably pay 90-100k now. I was more focused on my family at the time anyway, so I was fine leaving and didn't really think much about it. However, lately my husband's job (fed) has not kept up with inflation and I multiply 70+k x 8 years, is a lot of money that's been left on the table and continues to be left on the table each year that passes. Now that my kids are older, I feel in a much better mindset to be at work. However, my husband is out of town a LOT and the hours I would be needed in the hospital (7-7) don't work with me basically being the sole caretaker of early elem kids. So it's impossible to make it work without family in the area or finding some random unicorn clinic job, which is probably also impossible given my lack of recent experience. I'm left frustrated and hoping my husband decides to find with more regular hours soon.

[Anonymous]

I have been a SAHM for 19 years. No regrets. Money hasn't been an issue for us though. DH's job is so stressful that he is glad I'm around to handle every other thing in our lives.

[Anonymous]

This is the stupidest post and is another data point showing that big salary does not equal big brains (assuming your husband didn’t deliberately marry a complete nincompoop and is therefore also not that bright).

Why do you need to crowdsource on a mommy message board whether or not finances are a consideration in staying home with your kids when your husband’s income is over a MILLION dollars a year? Why can’t you figure out how to have your husband contribute to a retirement account on your behalf if you’re worried about that? Why can’t the two of you save a huge chunk of that massive income so you don’t have to worry about things going catastrophically bad?

Ridiculous. I kind of hope you’re just a troll.

[Anonymous]

I would have regretted not being a SAHM now that I see how well things turned out. You really can’t look back, substitute a few pieces and think it would have worked out better. One decision affects another.

[Anonymous]

My spouse had a very demanding, lucrative job that meant the home front was on me. It was my decision whether to work and how much. I found the balancing act really difficult to manage. I tried part time, but my profession is not really a part time job. I chose to be a sahm.
My kids are now both grown and I feel it was a good decision for our family. It dramatically reduced my stress level, allowed me to focus on helping the kids reach their full potential, and meant i could pursue my own interests. We always lived below our means and saved a lot. Now that my spouse is retired, my kids are self sufficient, and my mom is gone, we are free to travel and do what we want. I had never planned to be a sahm and had a successful career going. But I think that raising my children was the most important thing to me, and fortunately, things are going well, so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest post and is another data point showing that big salary does not equal big brains (assuming your husband didn’t deliberately marry a complete nincompoop and is therefore also not that bright).

Why do you need to crowdsource on a mommy message board whether or not finances are a consideration in staying home with your kids when your husband’s income is over a MILLION dollars a year? Why can’t you figure out how to have your husband contribute to a retirement account on your behalf if you’re worried about that? Why can’t the two of you save a huge chunk of that massive income so you don’t have to worry about things going catastrophically bad?

Ridiculous. I kind of hope you’re just a troll.

She's asking for feedback from others who have made this choice. Not everything is about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I regret it. Dh and I are still married and financially well off (kids in HS/college now) and I went back to work, but my career hasn’t really recovered from the hit. I did not think I would care, but now that I’m older, I do care, especially because the kids aren’t around and I enjoy my work. I also feel like SAH was really bad for my confidence and sense of self as a person and it took a long time to recover from that.

+1
This is our situation too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest post and is another data point showing that big salary does not equal big brains (assuming your husband didn’t deliberately marry a complete nincompoop and is therefore also not that bright).

Why do you need to crowdsource on a mommy message board whether or not finances are a consideration in staying home with your kids when your husband’s income is over a MILLION dollars a year? Why can’t you figure out how to have your husband contribute to a retirement account on your behalf if you’re worried about that? Why can’t the two of you save a huge chunk of that massive income so you don’t have to worry about things going catastrophically bad?

Ridiculous. I kind of hope you’re just a troll.

Sorry nope not a troll or an idiot! Didn’t grow up with money/experienced lots of instability growing up due to money, so probably nothing will ever feel like a “safe” amount. We do save a huge portion of our income, like I said above we take no vacations, one car, reasonable mortgage - we are not blowing through cash.

I just was looking for ancedata - if people making all different amounts were happy with their decision, then that would be useful to me to know. If there were tons of regrets across the income spectrum, also helpful to know. Maybe you wouldn’t find that helpful and that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I regret it. My ds is 15 and I’m miserable.
My future relies on his business, life insurance, and not getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

Zero regrets on much less income. Just make sure he's willing to put/keep money in your name just in case something happens and you need easy access to money.