AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

If they think it's worth it. I wouldn't. I would just miss the wedding and would be perfectly fine with that. People need to learn how to be fine with other people's decisions and worry about their own lives. Everyone who wants to go the wedding should do that and leave OP out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare.

+1
I don't see why OP and her spouse are supposed to go to all that effort for a cousin's inconveniently scheduled wedding when they already have a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare.

Ok.
I would go because BIL is flying in, and they probably don’t get to see him often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare.

+1
I don't see why OP and her spouse are supposed to go to all that effort for a cousin's inconveniently scheduled wedding when they already have a solution.

I guess that the BIL is going through a lot of effort as well. He is flying in with two little kids.
If you don’t put in the effort sometimes, then you never see your siblings.

[Anonymous]

OP is not being treated like a family member. These in-laws think she is the nanny.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people have an odd dis-attachment to the process of raising kids. Such as, suggesting you hire a total stranger in some distant locale to mind your children for a whole day. Just go on the website, and pick someone. To mind the most precious in your life. That's just insanity. My kids are grown, and there is no way I would have ever left them with a total stranger I've met for a total of 10 minutes online or in person. Nope.

OP, stand your ground. You're a good momma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this wedding in Nov?
I have a 3 PM Friday Nov Wedding in the middle of no where as well and the logistics are a nightmare.

Yes, it is! Did the bride and groom meet at a grocery store?

No - but I feel your pain in the logistics.
Rehearsal dinner Thursday night 6 PM - 2 hours away. I am not in the wedding - just a guest.
I was told that we should just stay overnight Thursday.
My kids are older and not invited to rehearsal dinner - so what am I supposed to do with them? Because if I go to the rehearsal dinner, and stay overnight, my kids are coming with me as they are not old enough to drive or stay home along. And the kids are invited to the wedding and already need to leave school early on Friday to make the wedding.

And as I am typing this I realized - they are trying to get my kids to babysit for younger cousins on Thursday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare.

+1
I don't see why OP and her spouse are supposed to go to all that effort for a cousin's inconveniently scheduled wedding when they already have a solution.

I guess that the BIL is going through a lot of effort as well. He is flying in with two little kids.
If you don’t put in the effort sometimes, then you never see your siblings.

BIL will see his brother, who is going to the wedding. He can hire a babysitter, which he was apparently fine with doing when he thought OP was going to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

Considering kids have died under care.com “care,” you need to STFU with your judgment:
https://erdorsey2.medium.com/care-com-multiple-deaths-and-child-abuses-fraudulent-billing-and-a-harvey-weinstein-babysitter-7468edb54ea0

Children are much more likely to be abused and neglected in the care of parents, friends, and relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this wedding in Nov?
I have a 3 PM Friday Nov Wedding in the middle of no where as well and the logistics are a nightmare.

Yes, it is! Did the bride and groom meet at a grocery store?

No - but I feel your pain in the logistics.
Rehearsal dinner Thursday night 6 PM - 2 hours away. I am not in the wedding - just a guest.
I was told that we should just stay overnight Thursday.
My kids are older and not invited to rehearsal dinner - so what am I supposed to do with them? Because if I go to the rehearsal dinner, and stay overnight, my kids are coming with me as they are not old enough to drive or stay home along. And the kids are invited to the wedding and already need to leave school early on Friday to make the wedding.

And as I am typing this I realized - they are trying to get my kids to babysit for younger cousins on Thursday.

Decline the wedding. The schedule is awful combined with not allowing kids. Why bother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are definitely TA for not trying to solve this problem and find childcare. This is what care.com is for - you find someone vetted and trustworthy and pay a bit extra for one night. Or you could have asked your mom or one of your regular babysitters to take a day of PTO and paid extra for that - did you try that?

Honestly your whole vibe is that you don't care to attend and you didn't really try to figure this out. But blaming it on the wedding being childfree is dumb. Most events are childfree, and weddings are more important than most events.

You are a TA for suggesting this. I would not hire a rando from the internet to watch my kids overnight either. You are a dumbass.

I mean, the OP and her husband have three months. That seems like enough time to interview several people and find someone.

What? BIL and SIL have 3 months. OP isn't going to the wedding, and therefore doesn't need childcare.

+1
I don't see why OP and her spouse are supposed to go to all that effort for a cousin's inconveniently scheduled wedding when they already have a solution.

I guess that the BIL is going through a lot of effort as well. He is flying in with two little kids.
If you don’t put in the effort sometimes, then you never see your siblings.

BIL will see his brother, who is going to the wedding. He can hire a babysitter, which he was apparently fine with doing when he thought OP was going to handle it.

The OP said that her husband isn’t going.
And BIL called last night, three months before the wedding, to ask if OP and her husband had childcare plans. That doesn’t mean that he can’t or won’t make alternate plans.
He probably just got the invitation and this was his first thought in figuring out childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this wedding in Nov?
I have a 3 PM Friday Nov Wedding in the middle of no where as well and the logistics are a nightmare.

Yes, it is! Did the bride and groom meet at a grocery store?

No - but I feel your pain in the logistics.
Rehearsal dinner Thursday night 6 PM - 2 hours away. I am not in the wedding - just a guest.
I was told that we should just stay overnight Thursday.
My kids are older and not invited to rehearsal dinner - so what am I supposed to do with them? Because if I go to the rehearsal dinner, and stay overnight, my kids are coming with me as they are not old enough to drive or stay home along. And the kids are invited to the wedding and already need to leave school early on Friday to make the wedding.

And as I am typing this I realized - they are trying to get my kids to babysit for younger cousins on Thursday.

I'd skip the 'rehearsal'. Who doesn't know how a wedding proceeds? We didn't have one. Our officiant outlined the plan in an email and it went off without a hitch.