AITA: Getting crap for not attending a Friday wedding because we have no childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only AHs here are MIL and BIL.

BIL just asked so, the worst anyone can say is no, I guess. He should not push.

MIL is the real jerk if she's getting mad at OP.

She really is. Either OP is family, in which case they should be looking for a way for her to come too, or she isn’t family, and they shouldn’t be asking her to provide childcare for BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

Even if true (I disagree but whatever) it costs thousands to sign up for so she shouldn’t bag it just because BIL can’t figure out how to use care.com

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

Martyr away.

[Anonymous]

What bothers me the most is bil was bothered by op and dh’s plan for the wedding. She said this is turning into a dust up. Her bil can ask but he’s clearly the jerk for not accepting their no to his solution. I don’t fault sil for running her marathon and the poster who said it is inherently selfish is also an azz.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL’s wife should skip marathon.

Why? She probably started training for it way before these in laws decided to plan a wedding in the middle of the day on a Friday. You don’t just wake up one day and decide to run a marathon. I think it’s up to the BIL to figure out childcare — not on his wife to give up a long term goal.

It's inherently indulgent and self-involved.

I kind of agree. Especially with a 1 and 3 year old.
Maybe she doesn’t work outside of this though, and training for and running in this marathon is giving her some kind of identity outside of being a wife and mom.

[Anonymous]

I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

[Anonymous]

Is BIL flying to where you live and then driving from there to remote wedding location? Or is he flying closer to wedding location? This isn’t clear. If he’s flying to where OP lives, when does he arrive? Did he actually already buy plane tickets for himself and his kids or did he just say he was planning to?

I can sort of understand how he would plan to buy plane tickets for him and kids, when he was initially under assumption that OP and DH and kids were also attending wedding and could go in together on childcare. But once he found out that’s NOT the plan, he should’ve said oh I guess I need to either stay home or find someone to care for my own kids!

Anyway, I like the plan of OP’s DH going to the wedding solo (if he wants to go, that is), OP staying home w her own kids (no PTO) needed since OP/DH usual cover childcare on Friday afternoon for their kids anyway and it’s up to BIL to figure out his own childcare arrangements. No, it wouldn’t be cool w me to take care of all 4 kids solo nor would I want to hire a random stranger babysitter to come to my home and help me care for 4 kids.

One more thing: does this even need to be an overnight thing? Only a couple hours away…DH/BIL could leave at noon, drive to wedding, attend 3pm wedding, leave wedding at 6-7pm, drive back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

The OP said the wedding is in November.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

The OP said the wedding is in November.

DP. I missed that.

I am kind of team BIL here. Renting an AirBnB and getting a sitter sounds like a really fun night.

[Anonymous]

I really do not see why BIL is even coming. Hmmm fly alone with 2 small children to attend a cousin’s kid free wedding in the middle of nowhere, and no childcare options….sure, sign me right up? And all this for a cousin who planned a wedding at 3pm on a Friday? I mean…just no. I don’t understand why MIL/FIL seem to encouraging such a thing either.

The logical thing would be for BIL to stay HOME, op’s DH attends alone.

If BIL is determined to continue with this absurd plan, that is on him. Not your problem. My guess is he figured “wife is out of town, I’ll take the kids to visit family, who will do all the childcare for me so I can relax”. Pretty common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

The OP said the wedding is in November.

DP. I missed that.

I am kind of team BIL here. Renting an AirBnB and getting a sitter sounds like a really fun night.

Fun?! With all of those little kids?? Including 2 who are out of sorts from traveling, and their mom not around? Sounds horrid, and sitter won’t be there 24/7- somehow a lot of work will fall on OP.

Maybe would be fun with older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

The OP said the wedding is in November.

Where does op say that?. It's not in the first post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

The OP said the wedding is in November.

DP. I missed that.

I am kind of team BIL here. Renting an AirBnB and getting a sitter sounds like a really fun night.

Fun?! With all of those little kids?? Including 2 who are out of sorts from traveling, and their mom not around? Sounds horrid, and sitter won’t be there 24/7- somehow a lot of work will fall on OP.

Maybe would be fun with older kids.

Yes. I mean, their dad is around, and he seems reasonably competent. He is comfortable taking his kids on a flight solo, and he is looking into childcare arrangements three months ahead of time.
Why would all of the work fall on OP? She and her husband would be responsible for their own kids, who will likely be asleep by the time they got home from the wedding.

This doesn’t sound completely insane to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just wondering why all these adults waited to the week bof the wedding to both RSVP and make childcare arrangements.

I don't know about aholes but you all sound like idiots

The OP said the wedding is in November.

Where does op say that?. It's not in the first post

It’s on page 5