MIL ‘taking back’ Thanksgiving hosting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are immature and silly.

If you so badly want a holiday at your house do Easter.

It won’t be long before MIL is too old to host anything.

Then she’d do well to start acting like someone people want to be around or she’ll have a lot of lonely nursing home
Thanksgivings to look forward to.

I’m sure family will be there while OP is ostracized.

Op better work because she will be divorced in 10.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

She said "I want it back?" Where?

I think you are misreading by inserting quotation marks. Quotation marks would have indicated a direct quotation, but MIL has not been directly quoted in this thread.

She has been described by OP as saying yes, and verbalizing support, and then expressing she has changed her mind back and wants to do something other than what she agreed to previously. How is that not "taking it back?"

Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate.

“Under duress”? Dramatic much? An open conversation expressing the desire to host and inviting discussion is not “duress,” honey. You’re thinking of gunpoint and threats against one’s children.

[Anonymous]

OP is asking how to respond and says she and DP are "leaning" towards responding a certain way, but she seems to be inviting input on how to best proceed (including how to proceed in the conversation).

I really think you should reread the thread. That is a strong but gentle suggestion, not a command, in case my English is not clear.

[Anonymous]

I say that the better cook host the holidays.

I hate Turkey.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

She said "I want it back?" Where?

I think you are misreading by inserting quotation marks. Quotation marks would have indicated a direct quotation, but MIL has not been directly quoted in this thread.

She has been described by OP as saying yes, and verbalizing support, and then expressing she has changed her mind back and wants to do something other than what she agreed to previously. How is that not "taking it back?"

Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate.

“Under duress”? Dramatic much? An open conversation expressing the desire to host and inviting discussion is not “duress,” honey. You’re thinking of gunpoint and threats against one’s children.

Ok so people can change their mind. Rigid much?

[Anonymous]

^^ "Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate."

You seem to keep thinking that people are not talking to one another. The original post suggests otherwise.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine insisting that my in-laws come to my house. All of the in-laws are closer to the MIL and Aunt and will do what they want. OP doesn't have enough power in this situation to decide that that the rotation now must include her house and that's the deal. She can unilaterally decide that every 3rd Thanksgiving she and her husband do their own thing, but that's not really part of the rotation if there is a competing dinner somewhere else. The DH siblings, cousins, grandparents will naturally just go to the MIL/Aunt house, as they have for decades, instead of their uptight SIL's.

Oops, looks like you missed the update where the aunt is confirmed at OP’s house.

Sure she is. OP would have included that in her post. I don't believe it for a second.

DP. Because time stands still and people don't go on to make choices? Okay.

On what planet is the aunt going to pice her nephew's house over her sister? Do you have a family?

I have a family that makes plans and generally would feel terrible about changing them for no good reason, yes.

I also had a mother who -- when her son's wife expressed interest in hosting a holidy, if it works -- immediately said that was a wonderful thing for her to offer nad asked how she could help make it go smoothly her first time.

That's the kind of family I have. What kind of family do you have?

A normal one where people are NOT fighting over "hosting" and people go with the flow. At no point would someone respond to the group text that they are just going take their ball and go home and whoever wants to come can come.

fixed it

Ah. Well, still sorry for you. Something underlies these responses. I hope it gets better.

You wouldn't understand when you come from a dysfunctional family where this type of fighting "taking back?" over a family dinner to give thanks is normal.

My family is gracious, yes, and takes pride when the younger generations show interest. We support them.

I do not understand you, and I am unlikely to do so, I think.

Using "taking back" is aggressive language. As if hosting belonged to someone and now it doesn't. Plans change and evolve. Maybe OP should talk to her MIL and find out what's going on instead of drawing a line in the sand. I guess if your family doesn't discuss things this would seem like a foreign concept.

She said yes, and verbalized support, and then suddenly said no, I want it back.

This isn't "taking it back?"

She said "I want it back?" Where?

I think you are misreading by inserting quotation marks. Quotation marks would have indicated a direct quotation, but MIL has not been directly quoted in this thread.

She has been described by OP as saying yes, and verbalizing support, and then expressing she has changed her mind back and wants to do something other than what she agreed to previously. How is that not "taking it back?"

Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate.

“Under duress”? Dramatic much? An open conversation expressing the desire to host and inviting discussion is not “duress,” honey. You’re thinking of gunpoint and threats against one’s children.

Ok so people can change their mind. Rigid much?

Sure, MIL is free to change her mind. She can spend Thanksgiving in her own home with whomever prefers to go to her home. OP/DH and DH’s aunt will be at OP’s home. MIL can become less rigid and go somewhere else if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are immature and silly.

If you so badly want a holiday at your house do Easter.

It won’t be long before MIL is too old to host anything.

Then she’d do well to start acting like someone people want to be around or she’ll have a lot of lonely nursing home
Thanksgivings to look forward to.

I’m sure family will be there while OP is ostracized.

Op better work because she will be divorced in 10.

Again, this glee. This smugness over daydreaming the bad outcome for someone. Why would anyone want this for the offspring, when they are trying to meld more into the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ "Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate."

You seem to keep thinking that people are not talking to one another. The original post suggests otherwise.

No it doesn't. Because OP said there is no "good" reason. What reason has the MIL given?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ "Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate."

You seem to keep thinking that people are not talking to one another. The original post suggests otherwise.

No it doesn't. Because OP said there is no "good" reason. What reason has the MIL given?

Why are you unable to read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ "Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate."

You seem to keep thinking that people are not talking to one another. The original post suggests otherwise.

No it doesn't. Because OP said there is no "good" reason. What reason has the MIL given?

Why are you unable to read the thread?

Please provide the reasons because they aren't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ "Because maybe she agreed under duress and at the time didn't want an argument. And maybe it's just changing her mind, not taking something. But, again, why not just ask MIL what's going on? "Hey I thought we were hosting, what happened?" and maybe talk it through and find out what the issue is. That's why these posts are so unbelievable like it's two kids fighting over a toy instead of real people who know how to communicate."

You seem to keep thinking that people are not talking to one another. The original post suggests otherwise.

No it doesn't. Because OP said there is no "good" reason. What reason has the MIL given?

Why are you unable to read the thread?

Please provide the reasons because they aren't there.

Exactly. A compelling reason for further upheaval was not provided, and so OP wrote that she and DH "are leaning toward saying, “Everyone is welcome, and we’ll be staying here this year and hosting whomever would like to come.” "

I do not understand why this is not clear. (?) It is also not a demand, trying to take control, insisting people witness her gigantic big house and express admiration -- none of that. It is what is written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are immature and silly.

If you so badly want a holiday at your house do Easter.

It won’t be long before MIL is too old to host anything.

Then she’d do well to start acting like someone people want to be around or she’ll have a lot of lonely nursing home
Thanksgivings to look forward to.

I’m sure family will be there while OP is ostracized.

Op better work because she will be divorced in 10.

Her own sister already chose OPs house. It’s not looking good for MiL, probably because she’s the kind of person who agrees to a change and then goes into an attention-seeking “take it back” drama spiral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not worth creating family divisions over this, OP. You should just pick a different holiday.

This. What a strange hill to die on.

Sorry, Boomers. We’re not putting our lives on hold for your dusty preferences any more. We’ve moved on. You’ve had your time, we’ve played it your way for years, moving on.