It is so much easier to be a good parent when not working

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is 100% true even if stay at home moms love to pretend it’s not. Because their life is just sooooooo hard.

Eh. I agree with OP--it is easier to be a better parent when not trying to balance a paid job. But, being a SAHM is, for many women, soooo hard. I mean, if you have 1 kid and a full time nanny and tons of money, I imagine that is a cushy life. But that isn't the typical SAHM. My friends who have done it have 2-5 kids, varying amounts of money, and someone always needs something. I only have one SAHM friend whose husband truly takes on an equal share of work between 5:30 pm or so and 8 am or so. For the most part, SAHMs seem to do ALL or almost all of the kid and household stuff. I would go out of my mind in that situation. Yes, I get that there are some women who do all of almost all of the household and kid stuff except for outsourcing childcare while they also work a full-time job, and that would also be a nightmare to me. But I know more working moms with spouses that do their share of the work than SAHMs with spouses doing their share (I don't mean 50%--but 50% of what needs to be done when the working spouse is not working).

Once the kids are school aged, it’s silly for the DH of a SAHM to do 50% after work hours. I have down time during the day when the kids are at school/camp, he doesn’t. Of course he should have down time in the evenings! He was completely hands on in the under-5 years and still is very involved, helps cook, drives to activities, even coaches. But now that the kids don’t need supervision for showers or evening play time, he’s fine to sit and read while I clean the kitchen or switch the laundry. I get my rest during his workday! I can’t imagine nickel-and-diming him when we have such a nice life thanks to him.

Idk… there is just something so pathetic about this dynamic to me. I don’t want my kids thinking “Dad goes into the world and makes money and has exciting experiences. Mom mops the kitchen and folds laundry.” It’s better to model a healthy, balanced relationship with spouses on equal footing.

Do you know any real people? Most people who work wouldn’t call it exciting experiences, it is a paycheck. Very few people make or female really love their jobs. Also if you think SAHMS just mop and fold laundry then you must not know any. There are many valuable and rewarding ways in which one can use their time.

Like Pilates and lunch duty?

If not, can you explain what is valuable and rewarding?

Oh come on now. NP but why are you being so dense? I’m a SAHM. I was previously an attorney. I majored in STEM. I love immersing my children in science and math experiments, going to the museums with them and spending time at the library. I find it super rewarding to watch them learn and explore the world around them, and I add value by exposing them to new things and educating them.

When I was working, I never set foot in their school. Now I actually do sometimes volunteer for lunch duty and actually, it’s been really helpful to get to know their classmates, teachers and see the dynamics at school. I also love being able to pick them up after school and hear about their day - I find it’s the time that they are most open and honest about what went on during the school day.

I also loved practicing law - I practiced in Big Law for 15 years. One is not Bette than the other, both can be rewarding and valuable.

So. I work and still do all the things you do.

I still would not describe it as valuable and rewarding.

I like science so we do experiments big deal, they won’t even remember it pre 10 years old it’s just a vague memory.

Lunch duty is in my valuable to the teacher who got a break from it.

It’s not earth shattering, it’s just life.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you could practice law and not be big law and do all those things.

DP but your tone reads as though you don’t actually genuinely enjoy any if the things you do. Maybe you’re actually burnt out and that’s why you fail to see value in the non earth shattering, “just life” moments? Just a thought.

I enjoy it I just don’t think it some valuable rewarding event.

Maybe doing very little burns you out so seeing my schedule makes you read “burned out”. Some people need a nap after their 8am coffee, not me.

Maybe your life sucks so when I say it just life you have a negative connotation. I have a great life. I seriously am the one that doesn’t get “I need a vacation”.

If you need a vacation from your life you are doing life wrong.

I go in vacations for new experiences I don’t do it to escape.

Either English is not your first language (which could explain some of the aforementioned tone in your writing) or you are extremely bitter. Some people enjoy being bitter and negative and hypercritical, though, so I believe you that you enjoy your life in some way.

Lol project much?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

A SAHM is not full time for kids in school.

Of course it can be. Wealthy single grown adults actually hire full time cooks/housekeepers so obviously there’s enough work there for a household with kids. Cooking meals, laundry, cleaning, doing yard work, managing kids and household appointments, bills. If someone chooses to do all this themselves it can easily be 40 hours a week. Heck you can even grow your own vegetables. Mostly we outsource cooking these days to restaurants.

It’s not for everyone (and not me) but there’s plenty of work to sustain that.

[Anonymous]

It took me about 1.5 years of stay at home moming to stop worrying about whether or not I was “doing enough.” I am happy with myself and I’m happy to cheer for other women doing whatever they’re doing. I’m okay just as I am.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

Because being a sahm to school aged children should not be positioned as ‘as much of a job’ as a job. You can choose to do whatever you want with your day when kids are at school that may or may not include multiple pursuits like any other human, but it is not equal to a full time job where your time is dedicated without option to the completion of that job. This should not be hard to grasp

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

I wft and this is basically true. I either drop kids at 830a, run home (as in go for a run but end up at home), shower and online on calls by 930, then dh gets kids and they are home by 530. Or dh drops them and I am online by 830-9 then pick them up at 5. I would not get them earlier very often even if I didn’t work bc it’s better for them to be playing basketball or doing music classes at school than in our small apt (nyc). We log off early on Fridays so I get them at 315 that day. I do do a lot of work after they go to bed and I am tired in the evening so prob not gazing into their eyes and leaning into further enrichment (they are also tired and typically watch a little tv or we watch together) so I’m def not bringing my a game to the party as much as I would be if I’d chilled all day. That is true

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

I wft and this is basically true. I either drop kids at 830a, run home (as in go for a run but end up at home), shower and online on calls by 930, then dh gets kids and they are home by 530. Or dh drops them and I am online by 830-9 then pick them up at 5. I would not get them earlier very often even if I didn’t work bc it’s better for them to be playing basketball or doing music classes at school than in our small apt (nyc). We log off early on Fridays so I get them at 315 that day. I do do a lot of work after they go to bed and I am tired in the evening so prob not gazing into their eyes and leaning into further enrichment (they are also tired and typically watch a little tv or we watch together) so I’m def not bringing my a game to the party as much as I would be if I’d chilled all day. That is true

What about summer? Do you take off June, July and August?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

If you have a job where you physically have to be in an office from 9-5, 5 days a week, or a job where you must complete your work during those same hours, then yeah, you're not going to see your ES kids as much as a SAHM. But there are so so so many alternative set-ups these days -- early start times, WFH, flexible jobs where it doesn't so much matter when you do your work, or specifically where you do not need to be working from like 3-5, and on and on. The school day is pretty long! For you to say that you don't see "how that's possible" makes me think you must not know any working people these days.

And the PP asking about summer??... do your ES kids hang out with their mom all summer? The ES kids in my area, SAHM or not, go to day camps, specialty camps, several weeks of overnight camp, vacations...

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

Yes many of us do. I’m the poster from earlier who explained that once I had my daughter I changed my teams schedule that meetings are only held between 10-3. So I have breakfast with my kid, take her to school, and get her in the afternoon. She goes to bed at 7:30 so while my husband does bath, I finish my email for the day. I have six+ weeks of leave per year so I have no problem taking off the days she’s off. She travels with me whenever I have a “nice” business trip— and I do take her out of school for those at this age. It’s actually possible, given the travel part, that I spend more hours with my daughter than many SAHMs of school aged kids.

Most school age kids are in camp, and the ones that are interesting tend to run to 4. No problem seeing her all her non-camp hours either.

Now again I don’t dispute that I don’t do as much housework as a SAHM does. There is no question I don’t have those hours physically in my house. But I don’t consider outsourcing my laundry to impact my parenting.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is 100% true even if stay at home moms love to pretend it’s not. Because their life is just sooooooo hard.

Eh. I agree with OP--it is easier to be a better parent when not trying to balance a paid job. But, being a SAHM is, for many women, soooo hard. I mean, if you have 1 kid and a full time nanny and tons of money, I imagine that is a cushy life. But that isn't the typical SAHM. My friends who have done it have 2-5 kids, varying amounts of money, and someone always needs something. I only have one SAHM friend whose husband truly takes on an equal share of work between 5:30 pm or so and 8 am or so. For the most part, SAHMs seem to do ALL or almost all of the kid and household stuff. I would go out of my mind in that situation. Yes, I get that there are some women who do all of almost all of the household and kid stuff except for outsourcing childcare while they also work a full-time job, and that would also be a nightmare to me. But I know more working moms with spouses that do their share of the work than SAHMs with spouses doing their share (I don't mean 50%--but 50% of what needs to be done when the working spouse is not working).

Once the kids are school aged, it’s silly for the DH of a SAHM to do 50% after work hours. I have down time during the day when the kids are at school/camp, he doesn’t. Of course he should have down time in the evenings! He was completely hands on in the under-5 years and still is very involved, helps cook, drives to activities, even coaches. But now that the kids don’t need supervision for showers or evening play time, he’s fine to sit and read while I clean the kitchen or switch the laundry. I get my rest during his workday! I can’t imagine nickel-and-diming him when we have such a nice life thanks to him.

Idk… there is just something so pathetic about this dynamic to me. I don’t want my kids thinking “Dad goes into the world and makes money and has exciting experiences. Mom mops the kitchen and folds laundry.” It’s better to model a healthy, balanced relationship with spouses on equal footing.

Do you know any real people? Most people who work wouldn’t call it exciting experiences, it is a paycheck. Very few people make or female really love their jobs. Also if you think SAHMS just mop and fold laundry then you must not know any. There are many valuable and rewarding ways in which one can use their time.

Like Pilates and lunch duty?

If not, can you explain what is valuable and rewarding?

Oh come on now. NP but why are you being so dense? I’m a SAHM. I was previously an attorney. I majored in STEM. I love immersing my children in science and math experiments, going to the museums with them and spending time at the library. I find it super rewarding to watch them learn and explore the world around them, and I add value by exposing them to new things and educating them.

When I was working, I never set foot in their school. Now I actually do sometimes volunteer for lunch duty and actually, it’s been really helpful to get to know their classmates, teachers and see the dynamics at school. I also love being able to pick them up after school and hear about their day - I find it’s the time that they are most open and honest about what went on during the school day.

I also loved practicing law - I practiced in Big Law for 15 years. One is not Bette than the other, both can be rewarding and valuable.

So. I work and still do all the things you do.

I still would not describe it as valuable and rewarding.

I like science so we do experiments big deal, they won’t even remember it pre 10 years old it’s just a vague memory.

Lunch duty is in my valuable to the teacher who got a break from it.

It’s not earth shattering, it’s just life.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you could practice law and not be big law and do all those things.

I'm the attorney-turned-SAHM PP. I think there's a disconnect here. I was responding to a poster who implied that all SAHMs do is "Pilates and lunch duty" and that staying at home was not "rewarding or valuable." I wasn't trying to compare working moms to SAHMs.

But since you want to compare, no, you do not work full time and do "all the things" a SAHM does. Unless you don't sleep?

For starters, I volunteer on occasion at school during the workday and I pick up my kid each day, and chat with their teacher. I also go on field trips with the kids and do one off events at the school. Adding in driving time, this probably eats up an average of 8 to 10 hours each week during "working hours." You claim that you do these things, but also work full time. Assuming full time = 40 hours a week, when do you make up the 8-10 hours referenced above? At night? I used to do that too. Many many nights I was logging in after my kids' bedtime, sometimes working until 10, 11 PM. I found it very tiring.

Next, during the 3-5 PM spot, I help my kids with homework, reading, go shopping for anything they need, do their extracurriculars, hit up playgrounds, museums and even do those darn science experiments you mention. We also just talk about their day and enjoy the afternoon. If you work full time, you don't get 3-5 PM with your kid. Yet you claim to do everything I do. So are you telling me that between, say 5 and 8 PM, you do everything above, plus make and eat dinner, do laundry, clean the house and get kids ready for bed? I've love to see how you squeeze all that in between 5 and 8!

At 8 PM, my kids are down and my husband and I have some nice time to reconnect and hang out. Let me guess, you work full time and also have that time built in with your spouse, and you also have the best spouse in the world, and your marriage is perfect?

Look, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a SAHM, nor is there anything wrong with being a working mom. But you are doing yourself a disservice by believing that a working mom can - and should - do all the things a SAHM does. You're going to burn out. I look forward to understanding how you squeeze in 40 hours of work, plus all the child related things listed above, plus reconnecting with your husband each night, plus getting 8 hours of sleep, plus getting your physical exercise in, etc etc etc.

Regarding the bit about hanging out with DH each evening...I've been a SAHM, a PT working mom, and a FT WOHM, and have never had that weekday evening time with my DH because HIS job requires that HE be logged back on during that time.

+1. And most of the partners of SAHPs in wealthier areas are basically workaholics in order to support their families. Not pitying them, they chose the life.

A SAHP means a school-aged kid spends, say, 60 waking hours with SAHP and 20 with WOHP. A dual working couple where both parents invest time in the family means the school-aged kid spends, say, 40 hours with each parent. I like that option better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

Yes many of us do. I’m the poster from earlier who explained that once I had my daughter I changed my teams schedule that meetings are only held between 10-3. So I have breakfast with my kid, take her to school, and get her in the afternoon. She goes to bed at 7:30 so while my husband does bath, I finish my email for the day. I have six+ weeks of leave per year so I have no problem taking off the days she’s off. She travels with me whenever I have a “nice” business trip— and I do take her out of school for those at this age. It’s actually possible, given the travel part, that I spend more hours with my daughter than many SAHMs of school aged kids.

Most school age kids are in camp, and the ones that are interesting tend to run to 4. No problem seeing her all her non-camp hours either.

Now again I don’t dispute that I don’t do as much housework as a SAHM does. There is no question I don’t have those hours physically in my house. But I don’t consider outsourcing my laundry to impact my parenting.

I feel like the SAHMs on DCUM aren’t doing that much housework anyway. I grew up UMC with a stay at home mom. I NEVER saw that my mom mop in 18 years of childhood. I did however see our sweet cleaning ladies at the house every week!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

I am SAHM and cannot eyeroll this big enough.

Please explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

Are you sure? Do you take all school breaks including summers off? You don’t outsource any of that childcare time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well yeah of course. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time job. But being a work out of the home means you have two full time jobs which is exhausting.

Being a sahm to school aged is NOT a full time job. I think that’s been clearly established.
Which is ok.

It depends. You can be an intense cook, cleaner, gardener, handyperson, room parent, helping neighbor or family, etc.

Right? Often jobs are as intense as you make them. I certainly wasn’t working intensely for 8-9 hours straight at my paid employment with zero downtime/breaks/social interaction. I suspect a lot of other professional jobs are similar. The only full-time thing about it in many seasons was the fact that I had to be physically present full-time to take care of any tasks as they came up (and those tasks were often mundane and easy and quite frankly pointless). There were of course busy times where I worked my butt off, but that was not the norm.

I feel like maybe people don’t realize they hold SAHM as a “job” to a completely different standard than they might hold their own paid employment. Because I don’t think my experience was totally unusual.

You were lucky to have an easy job. But when so. Being away from your home for 8 hours plus commute and having to spend your remaining waking hours caring for a child/children is exhausting

That’s the thing - you can do just as much stuff as a sahm if you work and have school aged kids - esp if you have location flex (which frankly I would not take a job without). You’re just more burned out.
But the ‘sahm to school aged kids is a full time job’ people need to just - stop.

You’re missing the point. You can do just as much as SOME stay at home moms, but not the ones who actually treat it as a full time job. And the stuff you do undoubtedly won’t be to the same standard. And that’s fine, but why are you insisting that other women don’t get to call their job a job?

You cannot do as much housework as a SAHM can, that is absolutely true. And your toilets may certainly be dirtier and your ironing may be more erratic.

But for a school age child who is in school in the normal school hours, you can easily do just as much *parenting* at the same “standard” whatever precisely that means.

What do you mean? Do you mean that working moms spend the same amount of hours with their kid per day as a SAHM? I don’t see how that’s possible if the mom is working 40 hours per week, so I may be misunderstanding.

If you have a job where you physically have to be in an office from 9-5, 5 days a week, or a job where you must complete your work during those same hours, then yeah, you're not going to see your ES kids as much as a SAHM. But there are so so so many alternative set-ups these days -- early start times, WFH, flexible jobs where it doesn't so much matter when you do your work, or specifically where you do not need to be working from like 3-5, and on and on. The school day is pretty long! For you to say that you don't see "how that's possible" makes me think you must not know any working people these days.

And the PP asking about summer??... do your ES kids hang out with their mom all summer? The ES kids in my area, SAHM or not, go to day camps, specialty camps, several weeks of overnight camp, vacations...

Sure, the kids of SAHMs all go to camps all summer, and you personally have knowledge of this. Get real. And the other kids go precisely BECAUSE their parents are working, you nincompoop 🙄.