Question for the smart girls who snag the good guys early in life

[Anonymous]

Also above is not snark, but genuine curiosity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

But what matters is what the two people who are in a marriage think makes a good partner, not what you personally think.

Sure. So the question isn't, how can I snag a high-quality partner? It's, how can I be oblivious to my or my partner's faults? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

But what matters is what the two people who are in a marriage think makes a good partner, not what you personally think.

Sure. So the question isn't, how can I snag a high-quality partner? It's, how can I be oblivious to my or my partner's faults? Lol.

You appear to be very cynical. I can understand why you have attracted such an unpleasant group of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

What makes them "happy" and where do you think they're lacking in partnership qualities?

I think she means ostensibly happy - partnered for life, warts and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

But what matters is what the two people who are in a marriage think makes a good partner, not what you personally think.

Sure. So the question isn't, how can I snag a high-quality partner? It's, how can I be oblivious to my or my partner's faults? Lol.

You appear to be very cynical. I can understand why you have attracted such an unpleasant group of friends.

And you're probably one of the emasculating nagging sexless harpies who thinks she has a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

those qualities don't necessarily make for good partners. They may make for someone who can earn a lot, but that doesn't always equate to good partner, unless all you care about is money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

Your post is just as stupid as someone claiming all nerds are great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

this is a dumb post.

DH is not athletic, doesn't have huge ambitions, sometimes socially awkward, but he's a great partner. Doesn't whine and complain about doing house chores or childcare. He does most of the grocery shopping, and cooking because I hate to cook.

The jocks and those with huge ambitions tend to be jerks and selfish because their high ambitions overshadow their partners wants and needs.

[Anonymous]

Op you just get married and you hope and work towards the best

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

Not necessarily. Lots of people aren't into athletics because lack of opportunities or interest but they are great humans. Athletes can be too competitive, arrogant and focused on themselves.

[Anonymous]

Fraternity boys and sorority girls are often athletes and often make bad partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are all these happy marriages you folks are seeing and wishing for? I literally can't think of a single married couple I know where I think both partners got a good deal.

Interesting. I personally am in a happy marriage and lots of people I know also are. I’m talking about people married 30 years and more, so marriages that have held up for the long haul. I would add that most of my classmates from college are married for many years now, with very few divorces.

Oh I know plenty of "happily" married people. But none of those marriages have TWO people who I, personally, think would make a good partner.

But what matters is what the two people who are in a marriage think makes a good partner, not what you personally think.

Sure. So the question isn't, how can I snag a high-quality partner? It's, how can I be oblivious to my or my partner's faults? Lol.

You appear to be very cynical. I can understand why you have attracted such an unpleasant group of friends.

And you're probably one of the emasculating nagging sexless harpies who thinks she has a happy marriage.

Haha, you couldn’t be more wrong. It is interesting that you find it difficult to believe that there are people who have happy marriages with plenty of physical intimacy.

And your cynical response shows even more fully what kind of a person you are and why you attract the friends you do. Do the people you are friends with have any idea how low your opinions of them are?

Kind and happy people attract kind and happy friends. And those people tend to have good marriages, unlike people who are critical and fault-finding of the people around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, then guys should also go after National Merit Scholars and GPA queens instead of going for cheerleaders and sorority girls.

It’s interesting to me that there is so much dichotomous thinking on this thread and on this forum generally. You can be both a National Merit Scholar and in a sorority. I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In reference to the other thread where it was concluded that the good guys with the potential to make good money are always paired up very early in life- in college or before. This makes me feel major FOMO because in high school and college, I had 0 idea what a “marriage material” guy was and how to identify them. But I had a roomate, I recall, who had been dating her engineer bf since hs. They were monogamous throughout college and he went to an Ivy League across the country. They already had it all mapped out. What jobs they were going to do; how many kids they would have.

How did she know so early what’s a good guy? And how to keep him?

I was so clueless and only now in my thirties am remembering the things she said about marriage and husbands.

Who teaches these girls? How they know? What do they know?

Nobody teaches anything. They just got lucky.

Not just lucky. People got what they wanted. Some girls wanted the loud aggressive hunks, others wanted the quiet considerate nerds. They thought the hunk was more fun I guess. You got what you wanted and they got what they wanted.

Things don't always work out as you want. Nerds doesn't always end up financially successful. Hunks can become successful because smooth talking tall white handsome men are always at advantage in professional lives, even if sports doesn't work out.

+1 There are some nerds here who really want their vengeance against popular kids, but that doesn't make it so. Social skills are generally very important to career growth, and good looks help with everything. The best partners (men and women) are the athletes with good grades, ambition, and good social skills.

this is a dumb post.

DH is not athletic, doesn't have huge ambitions, sometimes socially awkward, but he's a great partner. Doesn't whine and complain about doing house chores or childcare. He does most of the grocery shopping, and cooking because I hate to cook.

The jocks and those with huge ambitions tend to be jerks and selfish because their high ambitions overshadow their partners wants and needs.

+1

Any population (this can be jocks or nerds, for that matter) can be selfish A-holes. The ones who have been told how great they are are usually the most selfish, and make the worst partners.

OTOH, worst partners can also be those with something to prove, and they can be very jealous, sour and man behind closed doors - yet present their "best humble selves" to the outside.

OP, truth is, you have no way of knowing who is a good partner. The one and only rule is that you have to start with a good human, whose ideas match yours in many (not all - but the most important) way. The rest comes later.

Many women feel like they just aren't "lucky" - but what is lacking is a genuine good attitude - you can't fake that - and if you think you can - you can't fake it for long.

Stop thinking anyone has a crystal ball - because they don't.

Even if you "marry rich" - that person usually has an ex-wife or two to pay, and kids to put through college, and help out - which is not cheap. If you marry divorced, don't think you will come first, because you won't.

Most people who "marry rich" when they are younger, did not marry rich at all, but built whatever they have together - which really counts for so much, and can't be replicated.