A middle aged man's (actual) list of desired qualities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the guys who posted here ... is such a woman hard to find? Seems like it shouldn't be

As you have noticed, a lot of guys put "fit" in their description of what they want in a woman. Most America women (and men) are not fit, especially in middle age. So that removes about 70% of the population right there.

I wonder how many of the men who say "fit" are fit themselves.

That wasn’t the question, though.

I fully recognize that I (not PP) would not be able to date a person who has all of the “desired qualities” that have been indicated in this thread. What you really want is a “must-have” and “deal-breaker” list.

As an example, fit & athletic is a desired quality for me. It is not, however, a must have. I would certainly date someone who is considered overweight. A deal-breaker for me is someone who obsesses about her weight (yo-yo dieting, bad self-esteem, dislike of being nude).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

Well, I am not that woman who looks for free housing for myself or my children. My only child enters college and is well taken care of by exH. Being a female real estate developer, I can assure you that for anyone with significant experience in RE money and equity creation is as easy as kicking dirt under your feet. Earning, borrowing capacity and age is what determines your future NW, not a house you live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

Well, I am not that woman who looks for free housing for myself or my children. My only child enters college and is well taken care of by exH. Being a female real estate developer, I can assure you that for anyone with significant experience in RE money and equity creation is as easy as kicking dirt under your feet. Earning, borrowing capacity and age is what determines your future NW, not a house you live in.

Yes, the real estate boom is one which can never end. Not even God Himself can sink that market or bankrupt those RE agents and developers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

Well, I am not that woman who looks for free housing for myself or my children. My only child enters college and is well taken care of by exH. Being a female real estate developer, I can assure you that for anyone with significant experience in RE money and equity creation is as easy as kicking dirt under your feet. Earning, borrowing capacity and age is what determines your future NW, not a house you live in.

Yes, the real estate boom is one which can never end. Not even God Himself can sink that market or bankrupt those RE agents and developers.

I’ve lived through several downturns beginning 2008 and ending covid. If you approach RE just like any other investment you should base your investment decisions on the minimum possible return (eg 2008 or covid years ), lowest market prices, lowest occupancy rate. Always make sure it’s easy to stabilize if not sold and have cash available to jump on such opportunities. Few developers act this way thus many went bankrupt in 2009. But that’s a side conversation not for this thread.

Anyway, to me a single house has no dating value whatsoever. Brains, family oriented, age young enough, sexy, and minimum earning capacity of 200k+ in his 40s is what I would my money and knowledge on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

Last wife was 13 years younger than me. I ended up being her caretaker to the end, same as my wife before her who was 5 years younger than me. F cancer. My kids are doing well and certainly don't need my money when I'm gone. I can still run circles around most men 15 years younger than me and I'm in great health. But thanks for your projections. Life isn't always so predictable.

It you are so well off, healthy and took care of 2 wives, why do you look for a “financially secure” woman? You should be able to support a third wife no prob.

I don't think the pp is the same person who said they're looking for a financially secure woman. He's just saying how life is unpredictable and in his case he's outlived two younger wives.

I'm sorry PP. That's a hard hand you've been dealt with. F cancer indeed.

Thank you and I am the same PP. My mentioning financially secure seems to have set some woman off and I don't get it. I'm also done explaining it. It's not complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

I have an issue with women who age at a rate that is faster than me. It is an issue, I'll admit that.

There are plenty of good looking fit 60+ women you are not being sincere

I wish you could sit down with me and page through a couple of dating sites looking at the 60 plus women. Plenty, is not the conclusion you would reach. Some, or even, very few but not plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

I have an issue with women who age at a rate that is faster than me. It is an issue, I'll admit that.

And yet don't seem to see that the women you seek have the same issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”


― Ogden Nash, Hard Lines

Oh, and last but not the least - I want to be sexually satisfied which my first (13 years older) husband could never accomplish. Before you say you want a younger woman think hard if you are still able climax her several times a night!

This is very true and I'm lucky there. I've always been the one with a higher libido in any relationship. Everything works fine and I know how to please a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Of the guys who posted here ... is such a woman hard to find? Seems like it shouldn't be

As you have noticed, a lot of guys put "fit" in their description of what they want in a woman. Most America women (and men) are not fit, especially in middle age. So that removes about 70% of the population right there.

Kind of like women who want a man who is over 6 feet tall, makes at least $500k/year, etc.

Over 5’ 10” and over $300K would suffice : )

Okay the heightening surgery we need some breakthroughs on that. I can't be down for a whole year. I'm just saying everything physical you ladies can change with about 20 grand and a pretty short recovery. For us a lot of times it's not even feasible. Sure we can get you 300K some of us but the height requirements feel very exclusionary. It's not like getting a BBL, lipo or tit job. The height surgery means breaking bones for a couple of inches and you'll never be able to play sports again.

I'm just saying I know there are some fine medical minds amongst you ladies, give me some help please. Let's make 6 ft a standard achievable by all men for a price equivalent to a boob job because it's the fair thing to do.

Honestly it’s a preference not a requirement. I’ve been super attracted to men my height (5’9”) and shorter. Kind winning honest open trustworthy personality and solid stable secure responsible financials are much more important than height. Height just adds something to the sex life that is really nice to have (and actually contributes to the security feeling).

Does height really add to the sex life? Is it just in attraction or isnit something else?

If you had asked me before last year I would have said height was unimportant. I am still very attracted to men my height and shorter. However, last year I started dating a man who is 6’2” for the first time in my life and the spark is intense. Also this is embarrassing to say but I did not realize that the endowment is proportional and although I would never previously have said that it matters now that I am aware of the difference, it matters. I still would not pass over a great shorter guy on this factor alone, nor would I stay with a talk jerk because of it. However it is a really nice “nice to have.”

You must be a troll. Size doesn’t make any difference.

uhhhhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of the guys who posted here ... is such a woman hard to find? Seems like it shouldn't be

As you have noticed, a lot of guys put "fit" in their description of what they want in a woman. Most America women (and men) are not fit, especially in middle age. So that removes about 70% of the population right there.

Kind of like women who want a man who is over 6 feet tall, makes at least $500k/year, etc.

Over 5’ 10” and over $300K would suffice : )

Okay the heightening surgery we need some breakthroughs on that. I can't be down for a whole year. I'm just saying everything physical you ladies can change with about 20 grand and a pretty short recovery. For us a lot of times it's not even feasible. Sure we can get you 300K some of us but the height requirements feel very exclusionary. It's not like getting a BBL, lipo or tit job. The height surgery means breaking bones for a couple of inches and you'll never be able to play sports again.

I'm just saying I know there are some fine medical minds amongst you ladies, give me some help please. Let's make 6 ft a standard achievable by all men for a price equivalent to a boob job because it's the fair thing to do.

Honestly it’s a preference not a requirement. I’ve been super attracted to men my height (5’9”) and shorter. Kind winning honest open trustworthy personality and solid stable secure responsible financials are much more important than height. Height just adds something to the sex life that is really nice to have (and actually contributes to the security feeling).

Does height really add to the sex life? Is it just in attraction or isnit something else?

If you had asked me before last year I would have said height was unimportant. I am still very attracted to men my height and shorter. However, last year I started dating a man who is 6’2” for the first time in my life and the spark is intense. Also this is embarrassing to say but I did not realize that the endowment is proportional and although I would never previously have said that it matters now that I am aware of the difference, it matters. I still would not pass over a great shorter guy on this factor alone, nor would I stay with a talk jerk because of it. However it is a really nice “nice to have.”

You must be a troll. Size doesn’t make any difference.

uhhhhh

Another F here. To me any size below average is less desirable. Average to large is equally ok, nothing special about it being large

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

Do people interpret this box to mean actually having a new baby or the other person having children they are looking after?