A middle aged man's (actual) list of desired qualities

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

Why would any adult woman want to live her life in a house she doesn’t own and has no equity in? Unless the alternative is exorbitant rent she’d be an idiot to settle for this, she gets nothing if they split.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

Do people interpret this box to mean actually having a new baby or the other person having children they are looking after?

"Have children and don't want any more" is pretty clear. Same as people make clear if their children still live with them or they are empty nesters. These days having adult children at home is not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

Most people are done raising kid by age 55.

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

I've never been on a cruise and have no desire to cruise as I get older. I never understood the appeal although, admittably, I've never done it. Wherever I'm going, I want to get there fast.

But you are too old to have kids even using reproductive technologies. If you have a baby in your 60s, you won’t see your child in adulthood…..A significant number of 40+ women still want a real family. All my female divorced friends remarried in mid-late 40s to men about same age, then used donor egg or adopted. I would clearly specify on your profile that you don’t want kids not to waste women’s time.

oh give it a break lady. Hardly any woman in her 40s who already has children, wants to have any more. But yes, it's a checkbox on every dating site if you want more children.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me and solely my social circle. But all women who remarried had a second/third late birth in their 40s. I certainly would only have semi-joint finances and remarry to someone who won’t mind having more kids in mid age. No point in messing up with marriage otherwise.

To clarify, I wouldn’t sacrifice my health and financial well being to having a late birth. But I want to remarry to someone who potentially would support the idea of having more kids, not totally against it. The longevity of current 40 year old women is 95 years! I don’t want to be an empty nester for 50 more years, I feel like there is still time to enjoy motherhood and a second baby if it’s in the cards for me

Good to know. Women in their 40s who still have baby fever are definitely not what I'm after.

Yep, I had a very attractive profile and was indicating it on the very top to avoid being contacted by those commitment phobic or marriage/kids phobic, or much older guys. Without this note my profile was just bombed with hundreds of messages and I had no idea to whom respond.
I still was able to find someone nice to date and he’s more family oriented than me, we are about same age and income levels.

[Anonymous]

I’d take a pert 32B to a saggy 34DD or 36DD any day (or night).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gorgeous, soft, affectionate, oral fixation, not naggy, not princessy, impeccable hygiene, smart, curious about things active, not fat, not smoker, not whore, great mother

If you are going to use words like “whore,” you better hope her list does not include “not misogynistic “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

Why would any adult woman want to live her life in a house she doesn’t own and has no equity in? Unless the alternative is exorbitant rent she’d be an idiot to settle for this, she gets nothing if they split.

Because it is free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Widowed man and I'm looking for her now. Have been on about 15 dates. Didn't want any second dates so far. It's a lot of effort.

Fit, financially secure, likes to stay in and let me cook us a meal then watch a movie as much as dress up and go out dancing, or maybe a hike in the woods. No ex baggage at all-none. Grown kids who don't live with her. Not allergic to cats. Adventurous and expects the same in me. Willing to try new things. Bonus if she has a nice a$$.

Let me guess. You’re 60 and she should be under 45.

You're close. You say that like it's a bad thing.

It’s uneven. Men die earlier typically. People like this don’t want to be known for their money but what else are they actually bringing to the table

Exactly. So let’s see: second marriage, maybe they don’t combine finances because if existing kids. She gets what, ten years if companionship before he’s an old man and then she’s still active while he needs caretaking. Then he dies and she is not only alone with no one to take care of her, but also no money to replace someone taking care of her because it all goes to his kids.

+1

So who do they date? If I imagine a counterfactual version of myself now having never married or had kids, I think dating would be hard. Not sure I'd date younger because I don't respect men who are clearly subordinate to me, and not sure I'd want to date older, especially if he had kids and I didn't. The dating pool seems impossibly small....

Money goes to kids. This.

That’s why nobody needs these old men. They have literally nothing to offer. I would rather date a 40 something type PP who doesn’t want anything serious: at least I have my freedom to date while I have a FWB my age and his younger body to enjoy

+1 I have a few friends who meet all the criteria listed here and are in their 40s. Attractive, fit, well-dressed, lots of hobbies, great jobs and own their own homes, no kids, etc. None of them are interested in the old retiree men.

I'm not retired. I plan to work until I'm about 70.

Yeah and then you’re retired at home while she’s still in her career prime. And when she’s retired and wants to travel you’re 80 if you’re alive at all.

You can't travel while you're still working? Wow, I'm glad I don't have your miserable life or outlook on life. I travel at least every other month and take a lot of time off during the year.

Arguably retirees travel more than actively working adults. My job is WFH I can work remotely from anywhere in the world. But I certainly prefer to build life locally to travel: have a nice modern house with my second husband, have a child, go to Disneyland, hold parties, socialize with other mid age couples with kids. Not to travel on cruises amongst other retirees drinking liquors

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.”


― Ogden Nash, Hard Lines

Oh, and last but not the least - I want to be sexually satisfied which my first (13 years older) husband could never accomplish. Before you say you want a younger woman think hard if you are still able climax her several times a night!

I'm mid 50s, been with four women under 30 in the last year. All were gf material, and all came more than one.

You sound pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

There is too much bad information in your post to unpack it all. Anyone who thinks a man can "leave it all to his kids" doesn't understand the financial or legal system of the US. Anyone who thinks either future earning or future property equity are guaranteed is a fool. The reason women want a man with a house is because housing costs are typically the largest share of an adult's living costs. Women want the house so they can live rent-free and spend more on themselves (or their children).

Why would any adult woman want to live her life in a house she doesn’t own and has no equity in? Unless the alternative is exorbitant rent she’d be an idiot to settle for this, she gets nothing if they split.

Because it is free?

But I would have then to tend to my aging husband’s wants and needs, and tolerate a 20 years older body in same bed with me! I mean, I could rent out my mansion for $15k/month on Airbnb and live in his house prentice free saving my $15/month. The question is whether it’s worth the things I would be asked to tolerate for $180k/year extra in my personal gross income. IMHO it’s not worth it to me, I already have enough money. I can always downsize to an apartment in nice building with a gym and pool, and still have $150k in my pocket and totally free of old men!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these dudes who say ‘not fat’ havevsex packs and are over 6’1”, right?

Women: What do men want?

Men: We want these things.

Women: F-you!! And you're fat!

Yep, every time. The women of DCUM love to tell us what we should want, and correct us when we answer the question of what we do want. Really, why ask?

You have an issue with people who age at the same rate as you. Have some introspection as to why this is an issue for you.

Exactly - why don’t all these 60+ men date 60+ women who would be on same page with retirement, kids, time availability etc? Nope, they all try to find a good looking, financially secure 40 yo. Believe me - 40 yo women that you want have no problem finding men their age or slightly younger to date. All my girlfriends remarried to men who are within 5 years of their own age. Younger second husbands outweigh older ones in my circle (more couples when she’s 48 he’s 43 etc at the time of making the second marriage official).

The men are too nusy paying off their first and second wives - women don't think this through, just want a man with a house. Sad, but true.

It’s not financially wise: a man with good salary (200+) and no first house in his 40s is > than 60+ man with a house. You can build a life with option 1, and will have leftovers from prior marriages with option 2. I have a fully paid off house from my own generous divorce settlement. Of course all option 2 men look for well-off much younger divorcees. But income and future earning capacity is worth way more than a house. I can build multiple properties with someone my age and income level instead of retiring with 60+ husband, devoting all my time to his interests of a retiree, and who would leave everything to his kids regardless. WTF!

Just faced this exact scenario and it’s true.

Did you face it with your partner ? Just curious why you got into this relationship if it was nothing for you?

Honestly I just wanted to find someone I clicked with and was more open on age than I’ve been in the past. I didn’t think through this aspect of things until months in.