If you were beaten as a child….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

Hitting and tapping is not the same. You are insane. Tapping the hand of a 3 year old reaching for the candle is not abuse. Stop it.

Couldn’t you just move the hand away rather than swatting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

Hitting and tapping is not the same. You are insane. Tapping the hand of a 3 year old reaching for the candle is not abuse. Stop it.

Yes I agree. Tapping a hand is a useful reminder or attention getting action. How can that be true for being hit on the rear? What situation would require a butt “tap”?

BTW we are talking about “discipline” not guiding a three year old away from danger. People in this thread are talking about creating fear of being hit as a method to control their kids. A three year old is not being disciplined when you move their hand away from a candle.

Butt taps are just that butt taps. Like who is whipping a 3 year old? I've seen people do both and it's not wrong to me. They aren't abusers. You can say it's wrong and that's fine. But no police or child protective service is coming for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

[Anonymous]

I went to therapy and learned proper coping techniques and desensitized from triggers instilled in childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

I bet you think it’s a liberal thing too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

I was spanked but I am caring for my elderly parents because I love them. These general statements are crazy. And I don't even spank my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.

[Anonymous]

Spanking is very common in the evangelical community. I'm sure many people don't even know some people are spanking. To each their own I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

I was spanked but I am caring for my elderly parents because I love them. These general statements are crazy. And I don't even spank my kids.

There is always an exception. There is a reason why you don’t hit your own kids and I am pretty sure it’s not because you had such a great experience yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.

Yes, but as a teacher I hate parents that believe they should not teach kids to respect authority. It makes our job so impossibly hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

I was spanked but I am caring for my elderly parents because I love them. These general statements are crazy. And I don't even spank my kids.

There is always an exception. There is a reason why you don’t hit your own kids and I am pretty sure it’s not because you had such a great experience yourself.

No it's not. My experience was fine. I don't spank my kids mainly b/c of what society thinks. It's sad but true.

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Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.

Yes, but as a teacher I hate parents that believe they should not teach kids to respect authority. It makes our job so impossibly hard.

Real power is earned and not given based on job title or rank. That is a universal fact among human beings.

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Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

I was spanked but I am caring for my elderly parents because I love them. These general statements are crazy. And I don't even spank my kids.

There is always an exception. There is a reason why you don’t hit your own kids and I am pretty sure it’s not because you had such a great experience yourself.

No it's not. My experience was fine. I don't spank my kids mainly b/c of what society thinks. It's sad but true.

But if spanking is not necessary in order to raise children then why would it not be abusive when some parents hit their kids unnecessarily? You can’t have it both ways.