Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shut up about how everyone is vaxxed and boosted. Guess what? That doesn’t stop them from spreading COVID.

Signed,
A person whose pastor BIL just led the funeral service for a FOUR YEAR OLD in the Midwest who died of COVID

Pay the obituary or this didn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

OP back with updates.
Spoiler alert- no one is allowed, still, to hold the baby.
I offered up a lovely mother's day celebration for my sister- since this is her first. She said she would come for an outdoor visit, only if everyone masked (yet she wears a crappy cloth mask), for 15 minutes.
Okie.
So we did that, to accomodate her, and then the rest of the family enjoyed a lovely lunch at our parents' house.
Baby is 6 months, healthy, robust, sleeping well, and has had no interaction longer than 15 min with anyone except for the new nanny and my sister and her husband.
New nanny asked about going for walks, taking baby to playground, music mommy and me type classes. My sister said no to all.
Baby spends every day inside the house. Outings and contact with the outside world is to the pediatrician.
We are honestly over it and have had so many lovely family dinners and celebrated birthdays together- making up for 2 years of lost time. My sister and unfortunately her baby are missing out. But that is her choice.
Oh well.

[Anonymous]

The baby is only six months? So when you made this thread, it was about not being allowed to hold someone else’s three-month-old baby?

Listen, it’d be hard for you to find someone who cares less about covid than I do. And it does sound to me like your sister is having major anxiety issues and that it would really help her to seek treatment for it.

But you are not entitled to hold someone else’s baby, especially their very young baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby is only six months? So when you made this thread, it was about not being allowed to hold someone else’s three-month-old baby?

Listen, it’d be hard for you to find someone who cares less about covid than I do. And it does sound to me like your sister is having major anxiety issues and that it would really help her to seek treatment for it.

But you are not entitled to hold someone else’s baby, especially their very young baby.

Right?! I assume sister is refusing to let the family interact with the family in part because they were such jerks when she was first postpartum. (OP’s initial post was about not being allowed to hold her nibling when they were one month old.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with updates.
Spoiler alert- no one is allowed, still, to hold the baby.
I offered up a lovely mother's day celebration for my sister- since this is her first. She said she would come for an outdoor visit, only if everyone masked (yet she wears a crappy cloth mask), for 15 minutes.
Okie.
So we did that, to accomodate her, and then the rest of the family enjoyed a lovely lunch at our parents' house.
Baby is 6 months, healthy, robust, sleeping well, and has had no interaction longer than 15 min with anyone except for the new nanny and my sister and her husband.
New nanny asked about going for walks, taking baby to playground, music mommy and me type classes. My sister said no to all.
Baby spends every day inside the house. Outings and contact with the outside world is to the pediatrician.
We are honestly over it and have had so many lovely family dinners and celebrated birthdays together- making up for 2 years of lost time. My sister and unfortunately her baby are missing out. But that is her choice.
Oh well.

OP it is incredibly likely your sister is having postpartum anxiety, it's a disorder and not her just trying to be a b. I completely understand your concern but all your posts come across like it's about you and your families enjoyment, rather than of deep concern for your sister. Which I do think you have, but it sounds like you're being like "well she's bringing this on herself so oh well!!!" and I do understand your frustration. She's not making rational reasonable decisiosn right now. But she needs your empathy not your condemnation. She needs her husband to get her help STAT. I know that's not easy but if I were him (and I've been in this position with a spouse who needed help) I would demand that she at least start seeing a therapist to support her with this transition. Preferably one skilled in CBT and postpartum depression/anxiety (I wonder if ther eis some depression there as well because it's not typical to not want to have some interaction within a six month period).

Anyway my point is this is most likely truly a mental health disorder. So you can be frustrated (and it is frustrating when a family member is having mental health issues, believe me I know, because they aren't rational!) but at the end of the day she needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is only six months? So when you made this thread, it was about not being allowed to hold someone else’s three-month-old baby?

Listen, it’d be hard for you to find someone who cares less about covid than I do. And it does sound to me like your sister is having major anxiety issues and that it would really help her to seek treatment for it.

But you are not entitled to hold someone else’s baby, especially their very young baby.

Right?! I assume sister is refusing to let the family interact with the family in part because they were such jerks when she was first postpartum. (OP’s initial post was about not being allowed to hold her nibling when they were one month old.)

+1 I’d never want to accommodate somebody who acted like OP. It’s an infant, not a purse or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby is only six months? So when you made this thread, it was about not being allowed to hold someone else’s three-month-old baby?

Listen, it’d be hard for you to find someone who cares less about covid than I do. And it does sound to me like your sister is having major anxiety issues and that it would really help her to seek treatment for it.

But you are not entitled to hold someone else’s baby, especially their very young baby.

10000% agree on major anxiety issues. But she doesn't want to hear it- from anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby is only six months? So when you made this thread, it was about not being allowed to hold someone else’s three-month-old baby?

Listen, it’d be hard for you to find someone who cares less about covid than I do. And it does sound to me like your sister is having major anxiety issues and that it would really help her to seek treatment for it.

But you are not entitled to hold someone else’s baby, especially their very young baby.

Right?! I assume sister is refusing to let the family interact with the family in part because they were such jerks when she was first postpartum. (OP’s initial post was about not being allowed to hold her nibling when they were one month old.)

She has been sliding into a very closed off life since before covid. Covid was turning point where she went completely (and justifiably so in march 2020) no contact with the outside world and very paranoid, anxious.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update. It was harder to tell before whether or not your sister was being reasonable or not. Now it's clear she's severely disordered and is hurting her baby's development.

I don't know what to suggest, except that her husband, the baby's father, has to be the one to lead on this. Surely he must be concerned, too. I hope he can connect with the baby's pediatrician and hatch a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with updates.
Spoiler alert- no one is allowed, still, to hold the baby.
I offered up a lovely mother's day celebration for my sister- since this is her first. She said she would come for an outdoor visit, only if everyone masked (yet she wears a crappy cloth mask), for 15 minutes.
Okie.
So we did that, to accomodate her, and then the rest of the family enjoyed a lovely lunch at our parents' house.
Baby is 6 months, healthy, robust, sleeping well, and has had no interaction longer than 15 min with anyone except for the new nanny and my sister and her husband.
New nanny asked about going for walks, taking baby to playground, music mommy and me type classes. My sister said no to all.
Baby spends every day inside the house. Outings and contact with the outside world is to the pediatrician.
We are honestly over it and have had so many lovely family dinners and celebrated birthdays together- making up for 2 years of lost time. My sister and unfortunately her baby are missing out. But that is her choice.
Oh well.

OP it is incredibly likely your sister is having postpartum anxiety, it's a disorder and not her just trying to be a b. I completely understand your concern but all your posts come across like it's about you and your families enjoyment, rather than of deep concern for your sister. Which I do think you have, but it sounds like you're being like "well she's bringing this on herself so oh well!!!" and I do understand your frustration. She's not making rational reasonable decisiosn right now. But she needs your empathy not your condemnation. She needs her husband to get her help STAT. I know that's not easy but if I were him (and I've been in this position with a spouse who needed help) I would demand that she at least start seeing a therapist to support her with this transition. Preferably one skilled in CBT and postpartum depression/anxiety (I wonder if ther eis some depression there as well because it's not typical to not want to have some interaction within a six month period).

Anyway my point is this is most likely truly a mental health disorder. So you can be frustrated (and it is frustrating when a family member is having mental health issues, believe me I know, because they aren't rational!) but at the end of the day she needs help.

Completely agree she is having mental health issues- I led with that, and many accused me of being a b for equating "covid conscious" with anxiety.

Perhaps my tone no longer comes off as concerned- bc she has made it so hard to be caring and patient. Honestly.
She is not making reasonable decisions but she is also totally unwillng to hear any other perspective or gentle suggestions to speak with someone re her anxiety.
She shuts down all conversations. It's her way or the highway. If you want to get a glimpse of the baby, it's on her (ridiculous) terms. We maintain the facade and agree to these things to try and keep up some level of contact with her.

I'm talking about the level of anxiety and completely cut off from the world that, when she resigned from her remote job, she refused to go into her office for the offboarding and returning of equipment. She demanded that someone from HR come to her PORCH and pick up her work equipment, because "it's not safe and I'm not going into an office."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with updates.
Spoiler alert- no one is allowed, still, to hold the baby.
I offered up a lovely mother's day celebration for my sister- since this is her first. She said she would come for an outdoor visit, only if everyone masked (yet she wears a crappy cloth mask), for 15 minutes.
Okie.
So we did that, to accomodate her, and then the rest of the family enjoyed a lovely lunch at our parents' house.
Baby is 6 months, healthy, robust, sleeping well, and has had no interaction longer than 15 min with anyone except for the new nanny and my sister and her husband.
New nanny asked about going for walks, taking baby to playground, music mommy and me type classes. My sister said no to all.
Baby spends every day inside the house. Outings and contact with the outside world is to the pediatrician.
We are honestly over it and have had so many lovely family dinners and celebrated birthdays together- making up for 2 years of lost time. My sister and unfortunately her baby are missing out. But that is her choice.
Oh well.

Have you ever considered she just doesn't want to deal with you. Good for her for being safe. Covid is getting worse right now and she has a little one.

I haven't seen my sister in two years. Covid made me realize I never want to see her again.

[Anonymous]

OP, how do you know the nanny asked to take the baby out and she said no? Just wondering where you’re getting your info and if it’s possible that it might be incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know the nanny asked to take the baby out and she said no? Just wondering where you’re getting your info and if it’s possible that it might be incorrect.

She told me herself. I asked how the nanny was going etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know the nanny asked to take the baby out and she said no? Just wondering where you’re getting your info and if it’s possible that it might be incorrect.

She told me herself. I asked how the nanny was going etc.

She knows you are not behaving in a safe way so why are you surprised she doesn't want to see you. Her child, her rules. If you want to see her and the child, change your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know the nanny asked to take the baby out and she said no? Just wondering where you’re getting your info and if it’s possible that it might be incorrect.

She told me herself. I asked how the nanny was going etc.

Oy, that nanny is not going to last long.