SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My favorite is when people say “the work a SAHM does could be done by anybody, you’re totally replaceable.”

So what? In what line of work are you *not* replaceable? Your boss might be sad if you disappeared but they would make do without you.

Except for the role of mother (or father). Just being there and being a presence in their lives. That is absolutely irreplaceable. As for the other work, no one will do the same work for my kids with the love and care that I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have the luxury of this choice - staying home or working full time - should do what they want, OP. For many if not most women, it is not even an option.

The financial aspects are important but aren’t the only important thing to consider. I stayed home for several years. I wish I hadn’t. I think I was depressed, and I knew a number of SAHMs who were medicated for depression and anxiety. I’m happier working, but that’s just me. Watch for depression and anxiety, especially as your kids grow up and your role changes, and as you hit perimenopause, which can wreak havoc on your mind and body.

Just enjoy your life. All we really have is now.

I agree in general with your post, but... do you also tell working people to watch out for signs of depression and anxiety? PLENTY of working women rely on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, too. It's not like depression is unique to SAHM's.

It's not unique to SAHMs, of course, but working a 9-5 imposes some order/purpose/social interaction on your everyday life that can be helpful. As a SAHM, you have unstructured days, you're never really "off the clock," but at the same time there's not a lot of external validation for the (very hard) work you are doing, and it's easy to become isolated from other adults if you don't make an effort to socialize.

I know myself and even though I sometimes fantasize about quitting my job so I can focus all my energy on my kids and home (instead of feeling like I am failing at both work and home all the time), it would be a bad choice for my mental health.

This really isn’t the case. As a SAHM, I structure my days myself. I find routines and there are a multitude of chores and management issues I deal with. And there could be no better purpose in life than to serve my family. Even if the worst happened and my DH and I divorced, I would never regret that for a moment. Sure, I’m never off the clock, but I find most working people aren’t anymore either. I think the rise of Blackberry put that to an end back in the day.

[Anonymous]

A family friend just passed away at the end of the year. He was at the pinnacle of his career and department head at a major metropolitan hospital. He was replaced within days by another competent physician. Everyone is replaceable except to their close family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How DOESN’T raising kids advance and benefit the society as whole? It may not benefit YOU personally. But raising well adjusted, enriched kids does affect the next generation to come. What that looks like might be different from family to family. But for some it means having a mother at home.

The thing is that you couldn't make an argument that only families with SAHP raise well adjusted, enriched kids. Nor could you argue that every child in a family with a SAHP grows up well adjusted and enriched. All kinds of kids grow up in all kinds of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite is when people say “the work a SAHM does could be done by anybody, you’re totally replaceable.”

So what? In what line of work are you *not* replaceable? Your boss might be sad if you disappeared but they would make do without you.

Except for the role of mother (or father). Just being there and being a presence in their lives. That is absolutely irreplaceable. As for the other work, no one will do the same work for my kids with the love and care that I do.

PP here and yes I totally agree. But, that’s the case for all parents, not just SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How DOESN’T raising kids advance and benefit the society as whole? It may not benefit YOU personally. But raising well adjusted, enriched kids does affect the next generation to come. What that looks like might be different from family to family. But for some it means having a mother at home.

The thing is that you couldn't make an argument that only families with SAHP raise well adjusted, enriched kids. Nor could you argue that every child in a family with a SAHP grows up well adjusted and enriched. All kinds of kids grow up in all kinds of families.

PP isn’t making the argument you are attributing to him/her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have the luxury of this choice - staying home or working full time - should do what they want, OP. For many if not most women, it is not even an option.

The financial aspects are important but aren’t the only important thing to consider. I stayed home for several years. I wish I hadn’t. I think I was depressed, and I knew a number of SAHMs who were medicated for depression and anxiety. I’m happier working, but that’s just me. Watch for depression and anxiety, especially as your kids grow up and your role changes, and as you hit perimenopause, which can wreak havoc on your mind and body.

Just enjoy your life. All we really have is now.

I agree in general with your post, but... do you also tell working people to watch out for signs of depression and anxiety? PLENTY of working women rely on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, too. It's not like depression is unique to SAHM's.

It's not unique to SAHMs, of course, but working a 9-5 imposes some order/purpose/social interaction on your everyday life that can be helpful. As a SAHM, you have unstructured days, you're never really "off the clock," but at the same time there's not a lot of external validation for the (very hard) work you are doing, and it's easy to become isolated from other adults if you don't make an effort to socialize.

I know myself and even though I sometimes fantasize about quitting my job so I can focus all my energy on my kids and home (instead of feeling like I am failing at both work and home all the time), it would be a bad choice for my mental health.

This really isn’t the case. As a SAHM, I structure my days myself. I find routines and there are a multitude of chores and management issues I deal with. And there could be no better purpose in life than to serve my family. Even if the worst happened and my DH and I divorced, I would never regret that for a moment. Sure, I’m never off the clock, but I find most working people aren’t anymore either. I think the rise of Blackberry put that to an end back in the day.

You do realize not everyone is wired like you, right? I’m a SAHM right now due to a my son’s medical condition, but I did much better on a more structured schedule. Yes, one can make a schedule for oneself, but not all of us are wired to deal well with a lot of flexibility/ambiguity in planning. Given some of the chaos I’ve seen with some other SAHMs I know, I don’t think I’m the only one. It’s great that SAH is seamless for you. It’s not that way for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My favorite is when people say “the work a SAHM does could be done by anybody, you’re totally replaceable.”

So what? In what line of work are you *not* replaceable? Your boss might be sad if you disappeared but they would make do without you.

+1
Isn't it funny that at the office, the work of a recently deceased colleague gets quickly distributed among others within a day or two? When SAHM dies the family does not recover so easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you. I never went back into work force! My children adore me, my husband loves me and all of thank me for staying home! I was so happy to be at home. It was my first choice! Money is not everything. I loved being there for everyone and everything. I loved being the go to person. It so worked for our family, no regrets ever. And now, the grandchildren are here all the time. Sweet life!

Says the non-earner who fully depended on her husband’s income. Wonder whether you’d have thought that way if he lost his income.

^^ Says the person who cannot imagine that time with the family is better than time away from the family. Tsk, tsk. I am sure that the previous PP would have struggled and managed something to meet ends meet if the breadwinner wasn't able to work.

By the same logic, you would agree that WOHMs have wasted their whole life working if their husbands did not lose their jobs ever? They worked as an insurance and lost out on time with their families because nothing catastrophic happened to their finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have the luxury of this choice - staying home or working full time - should do what they want, OP. For many if not most women, it is not even an option.

The financial aspects are important but aren’t the only important thing to consider. I stayed home for several years. I wish I hadn’t. I think I was depressed, and I knew a number of SAHMs who were medicated for depression and anxiety. I’m happier working, but that’s just me. Watch for depression and anxiety, especially as your kids grow up and your role changes, and as you hit perimenopause, which can wreak havoc on your mind and body.

Just enjoy your life. All we really have is now.

I agree in general with your post, but... do you also tell working people to watch out for signs of depression and anxiety? PLENTY of working women rely on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, too. It's not like depression is unique to SAHM's.

It's not unique to SAHMs, of course, but working a 9-5 imposes some order/purpose/social interaction on your everyday life that can be helpful. As a SAHM, you have unstructured days, you're never really "off the clock," but at the same time there's not a lot of external validation for the (very hard) work you are doing, and it's easy to become isolated from other adults if you don't make an effort to socialize.

I know myself and even though I sometimes fantasize about quitting my job so I can focus all my energy on my kids and home (instead of feeling like I am failing at both work and home all the time), it would be a bad choice for my mental health.

That’s you, and I can believe that. But again, not everyone has the same needs you do. Plenty of women are happier at home and miserable at work. And again, it’s just clear that so many working people also use antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs. Or they just drink or chain smoke to get through the day. We cannot pretend that the workplace is a mental health paradise for everyone - we all know that’s not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have the luxury of this choice - staying home or working full time - should do what they want, OP. For many if not most women, it is not even an option.

The financial aspects are important but aren’t the only important thing to consider. I stayed home for several years. I wish I hadn’t. I think I was depressed, and I knew a number of SAHMs who were medicated for depression and anxiety. I’m happier working, but that’s just me. Watch for depression and anxiety, especially as your kids grow up and your role changes, and as you hit perimenopause, which can wreak havoc on your mind and body.

Just enjoy your life. All we really have is now.

I agree in general with your post, but... do you also tell working people to watch out for signs of depression and anxiety? PLENTY of working women rely on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, too. It's not like depression is unique to SAHM's.

It's not unique to SAHMs, of course, but working a 9-5 imposes some order/purpose/social interaction on your everyday life that can be helpful. As a SAHM, you have unstructured days, you're never really "off the clock," but at the same time there's not a lot of external validation for the (very hard) work you are doing, and it's easy to become isolated from other adults if you don't make an effort to socialize.

I know myself and even though I sometimes fantasize about quitting my job so I can focus all my energy on my kids and home (instead of feeling like I am failing at both work and home all the time), it would be a bad choice for my mental health.

That’s you, and I can believe that. But again, not everyone has the same needs you do. Plenty of women are happier at home and miserable at work. And again, it’s just clear that so many working people also use antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs. Or they just drink or chain smoke to get through the day. We cannot pretend that the workplace is a mental health paradise for everyone - we all know that’s not true.

For heaven’s sake…there are plenty of bored SAHM. Where the heck did you work that this is your impression of most work places?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have the luxury of this choice - staying home or working full time - should do what they want, OP. For many if not most women, it is not even an option.

The financial aspects are important but aren’t the only important thing to consider. I stayed home for several years. I wish I hadn’t. I think I was depressed, and I knew a number of SAHMs who were medicated for depression and anxiety. I’m happier working, but that’s just me. Watch for depression and anxiety, especially as your kids grow up and your role changes, and as you hit perimenopause, which can wreak havoc on your mind and body.

Just enjoy your life. All we really have is now.

I agree in general with your post, but... do you also tell working people to watch out for signs of depression and anxiety? PLENTY of working women rely on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, too. It's not like depression is unique to SAHM's.

I am not saying it’s unique to SAHMs. It’s not a judgment, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite is when people say “the work a SAHM does could be done by anybody, you’re totally replaceable.”

So what? In what line of work are you *not* replaceable? Your boss might be sad if you disappeared but they would make do without you.

+1
Isn't it funny that at the office, the work of a recently deceased colleague gets quickly distributed among others within a day or two? When SAHM dies the family does not recover so easily.

What, and if a WOHM parent dies, the family is just fine?! I don't understand the point of those comments at all.

The part that is irreplaceable is Parent, not SAH/WOH.

[Anonymous]

I'm from a small town where SAHMs were the norm, and also the backbone of the community. It was expected that up until elementary or so your sole focus was on the kids and family, but after that moms would branch out into community work and volunteer service. Moms organized the clothing drives and worked the soup kitchens and picked up litter and planted gardens. They absolutely did "real"work and it's a shame it was never really appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have the luxury of this choice - staying home or working full time - should do what they want, OP. For many if not most women, it is not even an option.

The financial aspects are important but aren’t the only important thing to consider. I stayed home for several years. I wish I hadn’t. I think I was depressed, and I knew a number of SAHMs who were medicated for depression and anxiety. I’m happier working, but that’s just me. Watch for depression and anxiety, especially as your kids grow up and your role changes, and as you hit perimenopause, which can wreak havoc on your mind and body.

Just enjoy your life. All we really have is now.

I agree in general with your post, but... do you also tell working people to watch out for signs of depression and anxiety? PLENTY of working women rely on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds, too. It's not like depression is unique to SAHM's.

It's not unique to SAHMs, of course, but working a 9-5 imposes some order/purpose/social interaction on your everyday life that can be helpful. As a SAHM, you have unstructured days, you're never really "off the clock," but at the same time there's not a lot of external validation for the (very hard) work you are doing, and it's easy to become isolated from other adults if you don't make an effort to socialize.

I know myself and even though I sometimes fantasize about quitting my job so I can focus all my energy on my kids and home (instead of feeling like I am failing at both work and home all the time), it would be a bad choice for my mental health.

That’s you, and I can believe that. But again, not everyone has the same needs you do. Plenty of women are happier at home and miserable at work. And again, it’s just clear that so many working people also use antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs. Or they just drink or chain smoke to get through the day. We cannot pretend that the workplace is a mental health paradise for everyone - we all know that’s not true.

For heaven’s sake…there are plenty of bored SAHM. Where the heck did you work that this is your impression of most work places?

What? Are you implying there are not also bored people at work…?