SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

This is a choice a lot of women I know have made and one I made too. I didn't work at all when my child was little and then started working part time when they went to kindergarten, but really I made very little money. It was more to use my degrees and have something to say when people asked me what I did.

Then I got a full time job for a few years and was laid off (not my fault...downsized). Then I got very sick...actually I was sick while I had my job, but my flexibility made it okay to work around. This was before everyone was working from home, and it would have been hard for me to have a 9-5 with my illness because I get random flares that can last for days or weeks or even months.

So I didn't work at all for a few more years, and now I'm working for myself and making more than I did with my full time job. But it is precarious and not something I think I can count on forever. I stumbled into it. I have never made close to what my husband does.

We have a lot of life insurance.

A lot of the women I know who didn't return to the workforce are now kind of rethinking things that their kids are getting older. I know one person who is getting another degree to theoretically go into another profession, although I sort of wonder if she will really do it. It's really hard when you've been out of things for a long time. You don't have references. You're older and competing with jobs with much younger people. If you can do it financially, sometimes it just seems a lot easier not to if you don't have to do it.

But I feel better about myself when I'm contributing to our household income. My husband has never made me feel like it's "his" money. But I just like making my own money to contribute. I feel less shackled to my husband--not that I am--but I like feeling like I have some financial power.

And I admit that I do get nervous about divorce. I don't think we will divorce, but our marriage isn't perfect, and I know that I really can't afford to divorce even if I wanted to. Knowing that makes me sad and scared. Sometimes I feel trapped. I wonder if I would still be in my marriage if I had continued in my career, but honestly, I could never afford the lifestyle I have with my former career because it just wasn't that lucrative. I do have family money, but I won't get any of it until I inherit that, and I have no idea when that will be. It's not like I want my parents to die. So, I don't count on that.

Just things to think about. I totally don't judge anyone for making that choice...it's really easy to slip into it if you are financially able to do so. But if you are younger you also should really think about what your life might look like in 10, 20 or 30 years and how much individual financial freedom you will have or want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, change the way you speak about yourself! You are valuable. You are important. What you do everyday matters. There is nothing more important than being available for your children. They need you more as teens than they did as young children. And, they’ll need you as adults. I just returned from helping my oldest and my DIL. I spent two weeks with them after she had a complicated delivery. I’m so grateful I was able to care for their three year old and help with the newborn while she recovered.

Being a SAHM/SAHW is rewarding and important work. Managing a home takes time. I’ve worked outside the home and I still work part time. I have no issues with women who choose to work. But, you should NEVER feel less than for staying at home.

This is such BS and sounds as ridiculous as putting caregiver on your resume

Like most people op is not saving ithe world and will be forgotten shortly after she died. True for sahm and those who don't.

If you and your husband are are happy with the arrangement who cares about other opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a choice a lot of women I know have made and one I made too. I didn't work at all when my child was little and then started working part time when they went to kindergarten, but really I made very little money. It was more to use my degrees and have something to say when people asked me what I did.

Then I got a full time job for a few years and was laid off (not my fault...downsized). Then I got very sick...actually I was sick while I had my job, but my flexibility made it okay to work around. This was before everyone was working from home, and it would have been hard for me to have a 9-5 with my illness because I get random flares that can last for days or weeks or even months.

So I didn't work at all for a few more years, and now I'm working for myself and making more than I did with my full time job. But it is precarious and not something I think I can count on forever. I stumbled into it. I have never made close to what my husband does.

We have a lot of life insurance.

A lot of the women I know who didn't return to the workforce are now kind of rethinking things that their kids are getting older. I know one person who is getting another degree to theoretically go into another profession, although I sort of wonder if she will really do it. It's really hard when you've been out of things for a long time. You don't have references. You're older and competing with jobs with much younger people. If you can do it financially, sometimes it just seems a lot easier not to if you don't have to do it.

But I feel better about myself when I'm contributing to our household income. My husband has never made me feel like it's "his" money. But I just like making my own money to contribute. I feel less shackled to my husband--not that I am--but I like feeling like I have some financial power.

And I admit that I do get nervous about divorce. I don't think we will divorce, but our marriage isn't perfect, and I know that I really can't afford to divorce even if I wanted to. Knowing that makes me sad and scared. Sometimes I feel trapped. I wonder if I would still be in my marriage if I had continued in my career, but honestly, I could never afford the lifestyle I have with my former career because it just wasn't that lucrative. I do have family money, but I won't get any of it until I inherit that, and I have no idea when that will be. It's not like I want my parents to die. So, I don't count on that.

Just things to think about. I totally don't judge anyone for making that choice...it's really easy to slip into it if you are financially able to do so. But if you are younger you also should really think about what your life might look like in 10, 20 or 30 years and how much individual financial freedom you will have or want. [/quote]. This part and make sure you know everything about finances in your home. Dealing with this now with an older family member who chose to sahm and now in her 70s is totally lost. Just make sure you don't forget to look after you will looking after others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is that uncommon, I think it is just less visible.

I have several friends in their 50s+ who never returned to work. My one caution to you is make sure you have your own interests and passions and ways to spend your time that isn't only centered on raising your family. Empty nest hits hard and can be hard on a marriage in some cases, but those who did well seemed to have interests of their own.

You may want to consider a post-nup agreement depending on the state you are in and community property rules. Have also seen women get hit hard during mid-life divorce on retirement accounts.

Fundamentally, you do what is best for you and your family. If this is what works, great! I'm glad you have the option to do that.

And, about +1000 on the bolded above. While you're not working outside the home, you should have your own retirement accounts and ensure that in the (hopefully) unlikely event of divorce, you are walking away with a monetary amount equivalent to the work you contributed.

+1 I was working a P/T, low-paying, but very fulfilling job when hit with a divorce. Husband got a very good lawyer, 50% custody (after calling his daughters a bunch of bit's, just like their mom) and he got away with a lot of *our* money. Secure your standing in writing, even when you think it could never happen to you.

Of course. Here is what all women (SAHM, low earning WOHMs, trophy wives) should be doing in a marriage.
- No prenup
- Hold all assets jointly and be beneficiary of all accounts
- Loads of life and disability insurance for both. Make sure that if your DH dies, you have enough to keep your house, retire, afford medical care, pay for your kid's college and wedding/first car/downpayment for home - without ever needing to go back to work
- Have access to all accounts, know what to do incase of death or disease of spouse, pay the bills, keep all papers together - in short - take care of your financial business.

All women should have, control, invest money of their own. Regardless of if this money was - earned, married into, gifted, inherited, won, stolen, found, bestowed upon etc.

All women should know where all the money is. I am a SAHM and I invest the money and know every bank account. It is shocking how even some working married friends I know let their husbands manage all their finances.

A LOT of men AND women hide secretbank accounts and credit cards. You don't know what your husband is doing when you're not around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally, if you are in a position to be a SAHP, you should be in a position to put away money every month (you should have put away a lot more when you were DINKs). By the time you are 40s/50s, you shouldn't need a make-work busy job.

If you aren't as prepared for retirement, that is a different story.

This is kind of the position I’m in. Everyone tells me to worry about my lack of earning potential and how I am in a financially precarious position. But how is that the case when I have a couple million dollars in diversified assets? (Marital but in my name) In the case of divorce I’m sure I’d get a job for the sake of the extra income even if it didn’t pay much, but right now if I were to get a job it would just be a hobby that disrupted family life. Neither I nor my husband wants that.

And yeah bad things could happen in a divorce or afterward but bad things can always happen, divorce or no.

Women like you are so dense. And it's exactly why no one feels bad when women like you get divorced.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation.

If I went back to work I would cap out at 150-200. It would be nice but wouldn’t provide for a major change/benefit in our lifestyle.

DH really only works 1 -2 hours a day so we get to hang out and enjoy life together. It is awesome.