SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

[Anonymous]

If you are already in your 50's or 60's, you've done enough, forget what anyone else says or wants you to do, do as you please. Its your life, you should care less and give zero *ucks about judgmental jealous jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are already in your 50's or 60's, you've done enough, forget what anyone else says or wants you to do, do as you please. Its your life, you should care less and give zero *ucks about judgmental jealous jerks.

I love this and agree. I stayed at home for a long time, and now I work after divorce. Staying at home was rewarding and valuable. The moment I can responsibly retire, I'm going to work part-time or not at all.

I don't care what anyone thinks, and neither should you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

No, then I become a stay at home wife. Yes, there won’t be as much to do but there is still work to be done. And like others have said, after raising children for two decades, don’t I deserve a break/ retirement as well? After all. I am on duty 24/7, 7 days a week, no vacations. I have taken exactly 7 nights away from my family in the last 16 years. One weekend away with a friend, and a few nights here and there with my parents. I deserve a break at the end of this just as much as anyone else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

Well no unless you hire a maid to do everything for you. You aren’t retired you still do everything you did before.,, cook, clean, your still a mom, run errands. Do your not retired, your just unemployed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

No, then I become a stay at home wife. Yes, there won’t be as much to do but there is still work to be done. And like others have said, after raising children for two decades, don’t I deserve a break/ retirement as well? After all. I am on duty 24/7, 7 days a week, no vacations. I have taken exactly 7 nights away from my family in the last 16 years. One weekend away with a friend, and a few nights here and there with my parents. I deserve a break at the end of this just as much as anyone else!

You just sound like you badly managed your “work” life balance. There is no honor in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

Who cares what you think?

That’s my feeling too. I like staying home, it makes our family life easy and enjoyable. Whether I’m a called a SAHM or someone “who doesn’t work” - it makes zero difference to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you work or decide to SAHM it, you are providing for your family. Don’t let anyone shame you into doing what’s best for you and your fam.

They shouldn’t but creating a rivalry between women is how patriarchal system survived and that’s how industrial system survives and women keep falling for this trap and shoving each other under the bus to validate their own choices is the way to go.

Yessssssss go off sis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

No, then I become a stay at home wife. Yes, there won’t be as much to do but there is still work to be done. And like others have said, after raising children for two decades, don’t I deserve a break/ retirement as well? After all. I am on duty 24/7, 7 days a week, no vacations. I have taken exactly 7 nights away from my family in the last 16 years. One weekend away with a friend, and a few nights here and there with my parents. I deserve a break at the end of this just as much as anyone else!

Basically all parents do that. The only time I’m not with my kids is when they’re in school, and then I’m working. I still have to do all of the 24/7 stuff. Sure, you deserve a break, but that level of time commitment is not unique to SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

No, then I become a stay at home wife. Yes, there won’t be as much to do but there is still work to be done. And like others have said, after raising children for two decades, don’t I deserve a break/ retirement as well? After all. I am on duty 24/7, 7 days a week, no vacations. I have taken exactly 7 nights away from my family in the last 16 years. One weekend away with a friend, and a few nights here and there with my parents. I deserve a break at the end of this just as much as anyone else!

You just sound like you badly managed your “work” life balance. There is no honor in that.

The honor is in being there for her children and raising them herself. What's the use of having a so-called "work life balance" when you are neglecting your children?? Her honor is in knowing that her kids felt secure and happy because they did not have to book an appointment to see their mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

No, then I become a stay at home wife. Yes, there won’t be as much to do but there is still work to be done. And like others have said, after raising children for two decades, don’t I deserve a break/ retirement as well? After all. I am on duty 24/7, 7 days a week, no vacations. I have taken exactly 7 nights away from my family in the last 16 years. One weekend away with a friend, and a few nights here and there with my parents. I deserve a break at the end of this just as much as anyone else!

Basically all parents do that. The only time I’m not with my kids is when they’re in school, and then I’m working. I still have to do all of the 24/7 stuff. Sure, you deserve a break, but that level of time commitment is not unique to SAHP.

No all parents do not do it. SAHPs create home to be a safe place for everyone in the family and that is a psychological benefit for everyone. SAHPs are not punting off the care of their family members to others. The truth of how hallow and miserable the claim of "We do all the parenting + our paid work" was when women left their jobs in droves during pandemic because they did not have other low paid WOHMs to take care of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

Well no unless you hire a maid to do everything for you. You aren’t retired you still do everything you did before.,, cook, clean, your still a mom, run errands. Do your not retired, your just unemployed.

Does that make you feel better about your own miserable existance? Then ok.

I am happily unemployed with no intention of ever looking for paid work. Life is wonderful. I have a cleaning lady too, even though now there is only two of us, but we have the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is that uncommon, I think it is just less visible.

I have several friends in their 50s+ who never returned to work. My one caution to you is make sure you have your own interests and passions and ways to spend your time that isn't only centered on raising your family. Empty nest hits hard and can be hard on a marriage in some cases, but those who did well seemed to have interests of their own.

You may want to consider a post-nup agreement depending on the state you are in and community property rules. Have also seen women get hit hard during mid-life divorce on retirement accounts.

Fundamentally, you do what is best for you and your family. If this is what works, great! I'm glad you have the option to do that.

And, about +1000 on the bolded above. While you're not working outside the home, you should have your own retirement accounts and ensure that in the (hopefully) unlikely event of divorce, you are walking away with a monetary amount equivalent to the work you contributed.

+1 I was working a P/T, low-paying, but very fulfilling job when hit with a divorce. Husband got a very good lawyer, 50% custody (after calling his daughters a bunch of bit's, just like their mom) and he got away with a lot of *our* money. Secure your standing in writing, even when you think it could never happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Work inside, work outside, volunteer, take leave, go back, don’t go back, just be good people. That should make enough difference. It’s like the people volunteering or visiting for an hour at old home and thinking they are Mother Teresa but not respecting people taking care of their old parents 24/7/365 for a decade or more. Same way, picking up kid from daycare at 7 and putting to bed in a separate room at 8.30 feel free to judge mothers spending 24/7/365 or a decade or more on top of household work. All while daycare and elder care work is considered hard work if done for someone else, outside your home.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what you do but call it what it is. If your kids are grown you are not a SAHM. You just don’t work.

I think raising children and running household is hard work and after two decades of it, a retirement is as okay as anyone else retiring after some other sort of work. If you can afford it, all the power to you. If you can afford it, live a little before aging limits or end you.

No, then I become a stay at home wife. Yes, there won’t be as much to do but there is still work to be done. And like others have said, after raising children for two decades, don’t I deserve a break/ retirement as well? After all. I am on duty 24/7, 7 days a week, no vacations. I have taken exactly 7 nights away from my family in the last 16 years. One weekend away with a friend, and a few nights here and there with my parents. I deserve a break at the end of this just as much as anyone else!

Basically all parents do that. The only time I’m not with my kids is when they’re in school, and then I’m working. I still have to do all of the 24/7 stuff. Sure, you deserve a break, but that level of time commitment is not unique to SAHP.

No all parents do not do it. SAHPs create home to be a safe place for everyone in the family and that is a psychological benefit for everyone. SAHPs are not punting off the care of their family members to others. The truth of how hallow and miserable the claim of "We do all the parenting + our paid work" was when women left their jobs in droves during pandemic because they did not have other low paid WOHMs to take care of their children.

And this right here is why SAHM get so much shit. Fine. You don't work. I don't care. I'm not paying your bills. You aren't parenting my children. Don't pretend you have any idea.