SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Let’s not downplay social and economical aspects of working. It’s hard work to raise children, take care of the house, do logistics, accounting and taxes and what not but having to deal with stigma of “not working” after whole day of work is what makes it worse. Who wouldn’t pick going out and having socialization, getting appreciation, societal acceptance and money you can play with. If work is interesting and meaningful, its a cherry on the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with being a SAHM.

I wish we as a society were as open-minded about men staying home as we are about women. Imagine how many of them also struggle with learning disabilities but have no excuse to stay home take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

How many stay at home spouses can actually trust their husbands or wives or themselves not wanting to get out of a marriage? All your years of investing into family life can be a waste if marriage ends. Not everyone lives in a secure happily ever after. If you do, more power to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

Don’t apologize, be proud of what you two have built together.

[Anonymous]

More and more fathers are taking choices of being stay at home or work from home hands on parents. Stigma of their choices is even worse but tide is turning. Sometimes, being a real man means doing a traditionally female role for your family, it takes balls to make such choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2022, family structures and lifestyles have changed, cost of living has gone up, two income household isn’t a choice, it’s a necessity. To be be brutally honest, not many women have such choices. Not everyone out there is doing meaningful or interesting work, people ate trying to make ends meet or maintain life styles even if they hate their jobs and lives or if personal or family life is suffering. Mental health is in crisis mode for all age groups.

I definitely hear what your saying. And I know I’m very fortunate to have this choice. But when I first made this decision over a decade ago, it wasn’t a choice. Child care was more than my salary and I kept getting pregnant in spite of birth control. I’m THAT statistic. We made many sacrifices and were dirt poor for a long time. My husband can be proud of getting us to this point! He has worked hard to get us here.

He worked hard but he also had someone taking care of everything they could for the family.

[Anonymous]

Do it. Like they say, 'On their death bed, nobody wishes they'd worked more.' I'm s single woman working towards the goal.
My investments have been growing fast in last 2 years that I might be able to do it also. Working towards making it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I recently decided I will not return to the workforce. I’ve been a SAHM for over a decade. I never really had a fulfilling career to begin with. I was spending a lot of time trying to figure out what I could do, feeling a societal pressure to go back. DH makes plenty of money. I have some learning disabilities that always made work life hard for me. I could never be successful in that sense. I am happy and fulfilled as SAHM. Both DH and I feel like I am still needed at home even though kids are older. Our marriage is very good and he’s always been supportive of my decision to stay home.

I realize I am a throw back to the 1950s at this point. Most likely this post will get crickets or trolled. But I am wondering if there are any other women out there that have made this decision? I do think my disability makes things a little different for our situation, but still just curious. I feel we’ve made the perfectly right decision for us. Are we a total anomaly though?

You are not alone, op! That is me too in a nutshell. I've taken up painting and hope to make a side career out of that but, otherwise I don't see myself "working". After being out of the workforce so long I have no hope of getting any interesting or creative job and since I don't have to financially really don't want to.

[Anonymous]

I am a 44 year old single mom of a 7 year old. I have 16 years at one company and a 30 year work history. I wish I partnered or married someone who could take me out of the workforce. I just don't care about work anymore. The work from home life has made things easier but I just want to focus on parenthood and keeping a home.

You are so fortunate and smart to marry a man who values you staying home. I pray to hit the lottery so I can walk away.

I don't really believe most of our jobs are that important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:e. Who wouldn’t pick going out and having socialization, getting appreciation, societal acceptance and money you can play with. If work is interesting and meaningful, its a cherry on the top.

I think with COVID, the whole "going out socializing" aspect is not as appealing or even possible. So now women must work at home, care for the family without the interesting and meaningful part.
Overall, I think work and family life need an overhaul.

[Anonymous]

I have been a SAHM for 15 years. I have a good marriage, husband makes good money, financial security, lots of insurance and our children are thriving. I am well educated and very capable. I had a good career before becoming a SAHM and we live below our means.

Not having to work for a living is amazing because of the flexibility it gives me. I do a lot of volunteering but I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do. In my years as a SAHM, my focus has centered so much around my home, kids and husband, our personal life and relationships - that I do become resentful when I am forced to do something that is not a priority for me or my family.

I would certainly go back to work if our family ever needed the money. That is not even a question.

[Anonymous]

Two of my neighbors never went back, and they are not disabled. I don’t think anyone judges them one way or the other. I will probably work until I either die or no one wants to hire me because I’m too old to be employable - not a great position to be in, but it’s the reality for many people. Enjoy and be thankful that you are in this privileged position!

[Anonymous]

This is fine. But I would advise that you split your retirement savings so that you have an account of your own, too. Don't forgo DH's match, but if possible, budget for an IRA or something that is YOURS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for 15 years. I have a good marriage, husband makes good money, financial security, lots of insurance and our children are thriving. I am well educated and very capable. I had a good career before becoming a SAHM and we live below our means.

Not having to work for a living is amazing because of the flexibility it gives me. I do a lot of volunteering but I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do. In my years as a SAHM, my focus has centered so much around my home, kids and husband, our personal life and relationships - that I do become resentful when I am forced to do something that is not a priority for me or my family.

I would certainly go back to work if our family ever needed the money. That is not even a question.

+1

In our case, my husband is going to retire in about three years anyway. I have zero regrets.