When one sibling lives in parents' house

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming SIL is your DH"s sister?

I would rip a new one into my SIL if she thought she was going to tell me when and how I was going to see my OWN parents on Christmas, especially when it isn't even her godamn house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not once has OP said what the grandparents want to do. It's their house, OP, what do THEY want to do?

I've said multiple times that they originally liked the plan, but are now concerned that their child is upset, and hope to find a solution that pleases everyone.

So they really don't like the plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm assuming SIL is your DH"s sister?

I would rip a new one into my SIL if she thought she was going to tell me when and how I was going to see my OWN parents on Christmas, especially when it isn't even her godamn house!

OP and family are living with his parents. It’s the ILs celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the pages, but if DH is not at greater risk for covid, and it’s about his stamina, can’t you still have the cousins at the grandparents’ house? Your DH can still focus on your kids in the morning and retire to the bedroom as needed.

This would seem to be the logical solution but apparently OP feels it unfair that he should have to be relegated to the bedroom if he wants to escape the noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do the inlaws want? Their house and they are of sound what the grandparents want is what' should happen. It's not up to you or your SIL.

OP would be the one cooking and cleaning for the ILs. I wonder if this is really the reason she doesn’t want the whole family over.

If the hosting is what’s bothering you, OP, look for ways to make it easier on you. Order food from a grocery store or restaurant — you can get takeout for everything from breakfasts through dinner. Ask the sibling who was willing to host if they’d be willing to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read all the pages, but if DH is not at greater risk for covid, and it’s about his stamina, can’t you still have the cousins at the grandparents’ house? Your DH can still focus on your kids in the morning and retire to the bedroom as needed.

This would seem to be the logical solution but apparently OP feels it unfair that he should have to be relegated to the bedroom if he wants to escape the noise.

Op, I’m really sorry that you are in this situation. It must be really tough for you, your dh and your kids. But it also must be pretty awful for his parents to see him so sick and for his siblings to not understand the situation. His parents likely need the support of their other kids. I can’t quite follow all the variations of the plans but if there is a way for everyone to sleep over and for you and dh to also stay at the house so you can see your kids Christmas Eve and morning, that sounds ideal. Also, if his sister spends more time with her brother, she will see how much you have to do and how hard it is for your dh. In terms of your dh resting, if he goes to his room, can you put on a white noise app to drown out the sound or ask everyone to go outside for awhile? In terms of meals, can you do something simple like go to Costco and buy prepared dishes that you just have to heat up or get Chinese food or something Christmas Eve? I totally understand how protective you are of your dh but the in-laws likely want to have the sleepover (which is why they aren’t backing you up). Good luck - I can sense from your posts that you are really on edge - maybe once they all see the situation in person you will get more support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the inlaws want? Their house and they are of sound what the grandparents want is what' should happen. It's not up to you or your SIL.

OP would be the one cooking and cleaning for the ILs. I wonder if this is really the reason she doesn’t want the whole family over.

If the hosting is what’s bothering you, OP, look for ways to make it easier on you. Order food from a grocery store or restaurant — you can get takeout for everything from breakfasts through dinner. Ask the sibling who was willing to host if they’d be willing to help.

Why does it have to be all or nothing? Sil and family can stay over but op does not need to slave away. They can insist on staying over, but they can't force her to serve them. She can facilitate who's in charge of what or tell sil to do it and be a hands off sort of host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the inlaws want? Their house and they are of sound what the grandparents want is what' should happen. It's not up to you or your SIL.

OP would be the one cooking and cleaning for the ILs. I wonder if this is really the reason she doesn’t want the whole family over.

If the hosting is what’s bothering you, OP, look for ways to make it easier on you. Order food from a grocery store or restaurant — you can get takeout for everything from breakfasts through dinner. Ask the sibling who was willing to host if they’d be willing to help.

No really the reason is that I don’t want him to go to the hospital again and I am kind of terrified of that. And I want my husband with us as much as he is able.

But I have also already bought nice food for the meals with the people who, as of Saturday, had told me they planned to be here.

[Anonymous]

I talked to my in laws. They don’t want the sleepover here. They share my fear. They would happily go there but they have not been invited.

I think after watching their son and grandkids suffer they just really want people to be happy, so they were hoping for some magic solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the inlaws want? Their house and they are of sound what the grandparents want is what' should happen. It's not up to you or your SIL.

OP would be the one cooking and cleaning for the ILs. I wonder if this is really the reason she doesn’t want the whole family over.

If the hosting is what’s bothering you, OP, look for ways to make it easier on you. Order food from a grocery store or restaurant — you can get takeout for everything from breakfasts through dinner. Ask the sibling who was willing to host if they’d be willing to help.

No really the reason is that I don’t want him to go to the hospital again and I am kind of terrified of that. And I want my husband with us as much as he is able.

But I have also already bought nice food for the meals with the people who, as of Saturday, had told me they planned to be here.

Sounds like you finally have a decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talked to my in laws. They don’t want the sleepover here. They share my fear. They would happily go there but they have not been invited.

I think after watching their son and grandkids suffer they just really want people to be happy, so they were hoping for some magic solution.

And they have now shared this with their daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the inlaws want? Their house and they are of sound what the grandparents want is what' should happen. It's not up to you or your SIL.

OP would be the one cooking and cleaning for the ILs. I wonder if this is really the reason she doesn’t want the whole family over.

If the hosting is what’s bothering you, OP, look for ways to make it easier on you. Order food from a grocery store or restaurant — you can get takeout for everything from breakfasts through dinner. Ask the sibling who was willing to host if they’d be willing to help.

Some of the other family members need to come over and help clean/set up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talked to my in laws. They don’t want the sleepover here. They share my fear. They would happily go there but they have not been invited.

I think after watching their son and grandkids suffer they just really want people to be happy, so they were hoping for some magic solution.

Then, send a family email or text saying that neither you or the inlaws are up to hosting a sleep over but if they'd like to host, grandparents would love to start a new tradition and go to stay with the other family members. You'd be happy to come or just drop off the inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talked to my in laws. They don’t want the sleepover here. They share my fear. They would happily go there but they have not been invited.

I think after watching their son and grandkids suffer they just really want people to be happy, so they were hoping for some magic solution.

Where haven't they been invited? I'm confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I talked to my in laws. They don’t want the sleepover here. They share my fear. They would happily go there but they have not been invited.

I think after watching their son and grandkids suffer they just really want people to be happy, so they were hoping for some magic solution.

Where haven't they been invited? I'm confused.

Because my SIL is insistent that the cousins (my kids) be there, and isn’t interested in hosting.