Going no screens on a vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

+1

Nope. I think it was more likely that the son was trying to work up the courage to tell his mom to back off, but he chickens out. His wife finally said *she* would do it and the son left her out to dry when he didn’t pipe up in support.

Yeah that's how I read it too. I think it's extremely odd that this other poster went right to the wife being abusive. I mean how many posts do we see on here that shows that the husband doesn't have the balls to stand up to mommy and puts the needs of his wife first? The he hangs his wife to dry?

Yeah, but those posts are usually written by demanding, strident narcissists so I'm not really surprised about their posts. OP's post sounds different. She sounds over the edge of narcissism and well into controlling and isolating. Like her husband can't even call or text anyone during the two week trip? I love my husband unconditionally and we've been married a long time but if he told me that I'd tell him to pound sand.

You've just made an assumption that the son doesn't want to do this and its all DIL. OP said that both son and DIL were there when it was mentioned. I would think that both son and DIL have decided on this together. A lot of couples are doing this now, just because you aren't doesn't mean it isn't a thing. People are different and being different doesn't mean controlling and isolating.

It is for 2 weeks. Not a lifetime, not forever, 2 weeks.

OP also said her son didn't say a word. That's weird. I agree that the DIL sounds like she is trying to isolate OP's son. I would be concerned. I also cannot imagine anyone telling me that I wouldn't be using my phone or electronics for 2 weeks so that I could focus on the other person. That smacks of controlling out the wazoo.

Its also controlling to demand someone contact you on their vacation if they have asked for a screen free holiday. I dare say they told OP so she wouldn't worry. They could have simply turned their phones off but OP probably would have had a heart attack with that, hence they have said it prior to leaving to give her a heads up so she won't worry.

It speaks to the heart of the issue in this relationship that the DIL is sidelined and the OP will only believe her son and what he says. I guess her son sitting there when it was said with no objection from him wasn't good enough. Hence why advice is given in this type of relationship for the DIL to give up and drop the rope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

+1

Nope. I think it was more likely that the son was trying to work up the courage to tell his mom to back off, but he chickens out. His wife finally said *she* would do it and the son left her out to dry when he didn’t pipe up in support.

Yeah that's how I read it too. I think it's extremely odd that this other poster went right to the wife being abusive. I mean how many posts do we see on here that shows that the husband doesn't have the balls to stand up to mommy and puts the needs of his wife first? The he hangs his wife to dry?

Yeah, but those posts are usually written by demanding, strident narcissists so I'm not really surprised about their posts. OP's post sounds different. She sounds over the edge of narcissism and well into controlling and isolating. Like her husband can't even call or text anyone during the two week trip? I love my husband unconditionally and we've been married a long time but if he told me that I'd tell him to pound sand.

You've just made an assumption that the son doesn't want to do this and its all DIL. OP said that both son and DIL were there when it was mentioned. I would think that both son and DIL have decided on this together. A lot of couples are doing this now, just because you aren't doesn't mean it isn't a thing. People are different and being different doesn't mean controlling and isolating.

It is for 2 weeks. Not a lifetime, not forever, 2 weeks.

OP also said her son didn't say a word. That's weird. I agree that the DIL sounds like she is trying to isolate OP's son. I would be concerned. I also cannot imagine anyone telling me that I wouldn't be using my phone or electronics for 2 weeks so that I could focus on the other person. That smacks of controlling out the wazoo.

DP

+1

I honestly can't believe people are defending the DIL here, who sounds extremely controlling and possibly abusive (she is, at least, doing what abusers often do).

If the genders were reversed here, people would be telling OP that she needs to help her daughter escape the marriage, not defending the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just the start. They are showing OP she can survive the 2 weeks without contact. They will then look at slowing down the daily calls upon return.

Yeah, this is a reasonable theory.

I am one of the PP's that has been arguing that the son should talk directly to the mother. And it very well could be that he decided (likely with a lot of prompting from the wife) that he needs to pull back on that level of communication. My point though is that the right thing to do in that case is have an honest conversation with the mother/OP about that desire. This is his mother, not a random acquaintance. "Ghosting" is not a good option. He needs to explain what he is doing and why, and then follow through. Not to do so is cowardly and cruel.

Ghosting, you realise this is just for a vacation. Just a vacation. Nothing more. People do this these days because their lives are attached to devices these days. This isn't even a new thing, people have been doing it for a while.

Interestingly last tour I did in Iceland a couple of years back, the tour guide said at the start of the tour, 'Put away your phones, turn them off and get back to the moment. You need this time, so I would recommend you do this for the tour'. Its ok, its just a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

+1

Nope. I think it was more likely that the son was trying to work up the courage to tell his mom to back off, but he chickens out. His wife finally said *she* would do it and the son left her out to dry when he didn’t pipe up in support.

Yeah that's how I read it too. I think it's extremely odd that this other poster went right to the wife being abusive. I mean how many posts do we see on here that shows that the husband doesn't have the balls to stand up to mommy and puts the needs of his wife first? The he hangs his wife to dry?

Yeah, but those posts are usually written by demanding, strident narcissists so I'm not really surprised about their posts. OP's post sounds different. She sounds over the edge of narcissism and well into controlling and isolating. Like her husband can't even call or text anyone during the two week trip? I love my husband unconditionally and we've been married a long time but if he told me that I'd tell him to pound sand.

You've just made an assumption that the son doesn't want to do this and its all DIL. OP said that both son and DIL were there when it was mentioned. I would think that both son and DIL have decided on this together. A lot of couples are doing this now, just because you aren't doesn't mean it isn't a thing. People are different and being different doesn't mean controlling and isolating.

It is for 2 weeks. Not a lifetime, not forever, 2 weeks.

OP also said her son didn't say a word. That's weird. I agree that the DIL sounds like she is trying to isolate OP's son. I would be concerned. I also cannot imagine anyone telling me that I wouldn't be using my phone or electronics for 2 weeks so that I could focus on the other person. That smacks of controlling out the wazoo.

DP

+1

I honestly can't believe people are defending the DIL here, who sounds extremely controlling and possibly abusive (she is, at least, doing what abusers often do).

If the genders were reversed here, people would be telling OP that she needs to help her daughter escape the marriage, not defending the behavior.

Sorry I missed the part where it was said that DIL is the only one to agree to this. You have made an assumption. The son and DIL both sat down with OP, together. You have made a massive leap to assume that this is solely DIL to have made the decision. There is nothing OP has said to suggest this. You have rewritten the script here, often what abusers do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

+1

Nope. I think it was more likely that the son was trying to work up the courage to tell his mom to back off, but he chickens out. His wife finally said *she* would do it and the son left her out to dry when he didn’t pipe up in support.

Yeah that's how I read it too. I think it's extremely odd that this other poster went right to the wife being abusive. I mean how many posts do we see on here that shows that the husband doesn't have the balls to stand up to mommy and puts the needs of his wife first? The he hangs his wife to dry?

Yeah, but those posts are usually written by demanding, strident narcissists so I'm not really surprised about their posts. OP's post sounds different. She sounds over the edge of narcissism and well into controlling and isolating. Like her husband can't even call or text anyone during the two week trip? I love my husband unconditionally and we've been married a long time but if he told me that I'd tell him to pound sand.

You've just made an assumption that the son doesn't want to do this and its all DIL. OP said that both son and DIL were there when it was mentioned. I would think that both son and DIL have decided on this together. A lot of couples are doing this now, just because you aren't doesn't mean it isn't a thing. People are different and being different doesn't mean controlling and isolating.

It is for 2 weeks. Not a lifetime, not forever, 2 weeks.

OP also said her son didn't say a word. That's weird. I agree that the DIL sounds like she is trying to isolate OP's son. I would be concerned. I also cannot imagine anyone telling me that I wouldn't be using my phone or electronics for 2 weeks so that I could focus on the other person. That smacks of controlling out the wazoo.

DP

+1

I honestly can't believe people are defending the DIL here, who sounds extremely controlling and possibly abusive (she is, at least, doing what abusers often do).

If the genders were reversed here, people would be telling OP that she needs to help her daughter escape the marriage, not defending the behavior.

OMG I have just had a light bulb moment. I finally see it. As a DIL you think 'oh it will be so nice to relax and unwind and connect on holiday its only two weeks'.

Meanwhile MIL is thinking 'That thing is so controlling, she is so emotionally abusive. She is out to pull my baby boy away from me and take him away, this is just the start, its not just two weeks, she is making him ghost me and I'll lose him forever, he will stop speaking to me, she is so evil'.

OMG I finally understand how some MIL's think now and why some are so wacky.

[Anonymous]

It seems like there's little chance they're really going "no screens" though, right? I think it's fair for DH/DS to say to Mom, "I probably won't have time to call during the trip" etc. etc., but they're certainly going to be on phones to take photos, check reservation emails, book dinner reservations, etc. Seems like H/S could offer to send a text once in a while to say hello while not having to spend vacation time talking to mom. If that's against the rules, then I guess I agree with some of the PPs that this is veering into controlling territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

LOL

Now I’ve heard it all.

OP, you better schedule an intervention with your son to save him from his abusive wife! A vacation without daily calls to mom is the telltale sign your baby boy is being abused! He NEEDS you to save him! Better cancel this whole vacation altogether. Give him the gift of a retainer for a divorce attorney.

+1,000. How freaking absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just the start. They are showing OP she can survive the 2 weeks without contact. They will then look at slowing down the daily calls upon return.

Which would be absolutely 100% reasonable to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there's little chance they're really going "no screens" though, right? I think it's fair for DH/DS to say to Mom, "I probably won't have time to call during the trip" etc. etc., but they're certainly going to be on phones to take photos, check reservation emails, book dinner reservations, etc. Seems like H/S could offer to send a text once in a while to say hello while not having to spend vacation time talking to mom. If that's against the rules, then I guess I agree with some of the PPs that this is veering into controlling territory.

But why does he have to contact his mom at all when again there are no health issues at play. If he is catering to his mom's wishes over his wife's that's a problem because that's going to fall into other aspects of his marriage. The fact he would allow his mom to change his plans with his wife plans that are reasonable because plenty of couples go screen free shows he is a momma's boy which is maybe one of the reasons his wife wants screen free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

+1

Nope. I think it was more likely that the son was trying to work up the courage to tell his mom to back off, but he chickens out. His wife finally said *she* would do it and the son left her out to dry when he didn’t pipe up in support.

Yeah that's how I read it too. I think it's extremely odd that this other poster went right to the wife being abusive. I mean how many posts do we see on here that shows that the husband doesn't have the balls to stand up to mommy and puts the needs of his wife first? The he hangs his wife to dry?

Yeah, but those posts are usually written by demanding, strident narcissists so I'm not really surprised about their posts. OP's post sounds different. She sounds over the edge of narcissism and well into controlling and isolating. Like her husband can't even call or text anyone during the two week trip? I love my husband unconditionally and we've been married a long time but if he told me that I'd tell him to pound sand.

You've just made an assumption that the son doesn't want to do this and its all DIL. OP said that both son and DIL were there when it was mentioned. I would think that both son and DIL have decided on this together. A lot of couples are doing this now, just because you aren't doesn't mean it isn't a thing. People are different and being different doesn't mean controlling and isolating.

It is for 2 weeks. Not a lifetime, not forever, 2 weeks.

OP also said her son didn't say a word. That's weird. I agree that the DIL sounds like she is trying to isolate OP's son. I would be concerned. I also cannot imagine anyone telling me that I wouldn't be using my phone or electronics for 2 weeks so that I could focus on the other person. That smacks of controlling out the wazoo.

DP

+1

I honestly can't believe people are defending the DIL here, who sounds extremely controlling and possibly abusive (she is, at least, doing what abusers often do).

If the genders were reversed here, people would be telling OP that she needs to help her daughter escape the marriage, not defending the behavior.

Oh spare me. Abusive? Plenty of couples now a days go screen free. How is it abusive when DIL made it very clear she is doing the same thing as well. She didn't say to MIL Jeff will be screen free the whole vacation. She said we will be going screen free.

I find it interesting how people are calling the DIL controlling when it's the MIL losing sleep over a 2 week no contact from her GROWN son and trying to change her son's plan in their marriage. That's shows more controlling behavior than anything. It also shows that MIL is seriously enmeshed with her son.

What if they went someplace remote that had little to no cell service for 2 weeks what would MIL do then if she couldn't contact her precious baby boy?

If DIL announced or told her husband it's a permanent thing of not talking to certain people or in general this is when he can and can't talk to certain people that would be an entirely different thing.

MIL is the one being deeply controlling trying to get involved and change what the plan is and mommy needs to ween herself off the nipple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know who sounds controlling to me? The DIL.

It is weird that the son didn't express agreement or disagreement when his wife made the announcement. I also think the 2-week focus thing is odd. Any relationship that needs 2 weeks of one-on-one focus is a relationship that is floundering. It sounds to me like the DIL is trying to make one last attempt and the way she is doing it is by getting the son away from friends/family and his support system.

The whole thing is setting of warning bells for me.

How is DIL controlling when she wants to take a no screen trip away from her spouse? They are married and plenty of married people want uninterrupted time together? MIL is more controlling by getting this bothered by not being able to talk to her grown married son for 2 weeks. Shows she has major enmeshment issues that she needs to resolve.

DIL probably mentioned is because it came up in convo or she knew her husband doesn't have balls to bring it up himself to his mother.

It's very common to go away with no screens. I ask my husband to do that a lot when we are away.

I disagree with your assessment because of how the husband responded to the announcement. His response was to sit there mutely. That is not the response of someone who supports what his wife is saying; that is the response of someone who is being intimidated into something he doesn't want to do. If I knew him I would start considering whether his wife was an emotional (or other) type of abuser who was trying to control her husband and alienate him from his support group. My response would have been different if he had said "Yeah, Mom, Larla is right. When we go away we'll be on 'no phone' status. I'll talk to you when we get back." He didn't.

+1

Nope. I think it was more likely that the son was trying to work up the courage to tell his mom to back off, but he chickens out. His wife finally said *she* would do it and the son left her out to dry when he didn’t pipe up in support.

Yeah that's how I read it too. I think it's extremely odd that this other poster went right to the wife being abusive. I mean how many posts do we see on here that shows that the husband doesn't have the balls to stand up to mommy and puts the needs of his wife first? The he hangs his wife to dry?

Yeah, but those posts are usually written by demanding, strident narcissists so I'm not really surprised about their posts. OP's post sounds different. She sounds over the edge of narcissism and well into controlling and isolating. Like her husband can't even call or text anyone during the two week trip? I love my husband unconditionally and we've been married a long time but if he told me that I'd tell him to pound sand.

You've just made an assumption that the son doesn't want to do this and its all DIL. OP said that both son and DIL were there when it was mentioned. I would think that both son and DIL have decided on this together. A lot of couples are doing this now, just because you aren't doesn't mean it isn't a thing. People are different and being different doesn't mean controlling and isolating.

It is for 2 weeks. Not a lifetime, not forever, 2 weeks.

OP also said her son didn't say a word. That's weird. I agree that the DIL sounds like she is trying to isolate OP's son. I would be concerned. I also cannot imagine anyone telling me that I wouldn't be using my phone or electronics for 2 weeks so that I could focus on the other person. That smacks of controlling out the wazoo.

DP

+1

I honestly can't believe people are defending the DIL here, who sounds extremely controlling and possibly abusive (she is, at least, doing what abusers often do).

If the genders were reversed here, people would be telling OP that she needs to help her daughter escape the marriage, not defending the behavior.

NP. How do you see the DIL as controlling instead of realizing the heart of the issue that MIL has taken to a message board throwing an adult tantrum because she can't talk to her precious boy for 2 weeks? Sounds like a nightmare overly attached MIL to me.

I find MILs like this often don't lead a very full filling life therefore they allow they put that on their son's for fulfillment which leads to unhealthy boundaries and enmeshment.

I'm curious and also concerned that MIL doesn't have any social life outside of her son that she is this shaken by no contact for a couple of weeks. Does she have other children, other activities, a SO, friends, other family??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there's little chance they're really going "no screens" though, right? I think it's fair for DH/DS to say to Mom, "I probably won't have time to call during the trip" etc. etc., but they're certainly going to be on phones to take photos, check reservation emails, book dinner reservations, etc. Seems like H/S could offer to send a text once in a while to say hello while not having to spend vacation time talking to mom. If that's against the rules, then I guess I agree with some of the PPs that this is veering into controlling territory.

Sorry wife the fact that you would like to completely unplug for 2 weeks I can't do because despite that you are my wife my mommy can't go 2 weeks without talking to me so therefore your wishes don't matter I have to check in with mommy because I can't detach from her and I have to cater to her wishes.

With people like MIL you give an inch and they take a mile. So in this case I can very well see it going as MIL shoots her son a text and then keeps texting him and son feels bad so he keeps responding and soon the convo keeps going so the screen free rule goes out the window hence that DIL wanted to be screen free. DIL probably knows how OP is so she said in her mind screw this we are just going to go completely screen free.

[Anonymous]

To all you people so passionately defending the wife: the fact that MIL is creepy and weird -- no debate there -- doesn't erase the fact that the behavior of the DIL is extremely controlling and is consistent with what abusers do. She may or may not be an abuser (we do not know), but she is certainly doing something that abusers do. Both facts (that MIL is creepy and too enmeshed, and that DIL is inappropriately controlling) are simultaneously true here.

The number of women on this website who would be totally fine 100% controlling their spouse's access to their spouse's own phone should unpleasantly surprise me, but then again, this website tends to be an object lesson in what not to do for a happy life and marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just the start. They are showing OP she can survive the 2 weeks without contact. They will then look at slowing down the daily calls upon return.

Yeah, this is a reasonable theory.

I am one of the PP's that has been arguing that the son should talk directly to the mother. And it very well could be that he decided (likely with a lot of prompting from the wife) that he needs to pull back on that level of communication. My point though is that the right thing to do in that case is have an honest conversation with the mother/OP about that desire. This is his mother, not a random acquaintance. "Ghosting" is not a good option. He needs to explain what he is doing and why, and then follow through. Not to do so is cowardly and cruel.

Ghosting, you realise this is just for a vacation. Just a vacation. Nothing more. People do this these days because their lives are attached to devices these days. This isn't even a new thing, people have been doing it for a while.

Interestingly last tour I did in Iceland a couple of years back, the tour guide said at the start of the tour, 'Put away your phones, turn them off and get back to the moment. You need this time, so I would recommend you do this for the tour'. Its ok, its just a vacation.

I was specifically talking about the theory proposed that this change in the level of communication was meant to be for longer than the vacation. So no, in the context of this exchange, it is not just about the vacation. It is about wanting a more permanent change int he relationship, which is something the son should talk to his mother about (if true).

[Anonymous]

I have to think that some of the defense of the wife and the son's lack of weighing in at all is influenced by people's experiences/perceptions of overbearing MILs.

1. You have a best friend you talk to one or more times a day. She is happily married and you like the husband well enough. Over dinner one day with that couple, the husband informs you that they are going on vacation and won’t be talking to anyone at all for two weeks. Your best friend says nothing at all. Mute. Do you not mention this at all to your friend? You don’t bring it up because doing so would undermine them as “a married unit” and hearing from the husband is basically the same as hearing from your good friend? You have no questions for her?

2. Or, if it was the husband in this scenario that delivered the message to his MIL? You, as MIL, watch your daughter sit silently as you hear this from your son-in-law? You don't follow up?

Again, no issues with the decision itself. It is fine. But it is odd that the person with the primary relationship to OP did not speak at all. And to have some questions, even just "That will be interesting. How did you guys decide to do that? Do you think it will be a challenge for you to not be in contact with anyone? I was told "no screens", are you really not going to check news or social media? Impressive!"