Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t go and I’d tell them it’s too expensive.

+1 this is supremely obnoxious and one of the worst ways I can think of to spend 2+ grand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t go and I’d tell them it’s too expensive.

+1 this is supremely obnoxious and one of the worst ways I can think of to spend 2+ grand

Exactly. You can spend $2k going on a very nice vacation outside of the country. Please back out OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the expensive restaurants this party will patronize. Expect another huge expense.

And the footing the bill for the bride when she goes too.

I must give it to the bride - this a very smart way to scam for a free expensive trip.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s shitty to back out at this point. Just say you’re not contributing to XYZ. Though for transportation I mean, how did you *think* you were going to drink and also be transported?

Did you *think* about how they could use Ubers and not a private driver for $590 per person aka 6k (10 people attending) for 4 days? Don’t be a pretentious imbecile.

And nothing is stopping OP from replying all and suggesting that as an alternative- there may be others who are similarly concerned with escalating costs who would appreciate it. That being said, having once gone that route, ubers can be extremely difficult to get in that area and very pricy even in non-Covid times. With current Covid restrictions they will need 4 ubers for each excursion. It’s questionable that they will be able to even find sufficient availability without hour+ waits for each leg and its questionable that it will come out much cheaper.

No matter what you say it’s still much cheaper than 6k.

I think there's probably a miscommunication on the transport. They ought to be able to get a party bus for 600/night for everyone, not per person. So OP is looking at probably around $200 for transport assuming they go out 3 nights.

No, I read it correctly….

https://imgur.com/a/RLWJYEB

We’re covering the transport for the bride as well….

Holy cow, wow. You sure do have one entitled bride on your hands. You need to back away from this spendthrift and demand your $800 back. This bride is out of control. That's crazy.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Is the bride planning it or someone on her behalf?

[Anonymous]

OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

[Anonymous]

I did not go to my SIL's bachelorette party, and there wasn't even really travel involved. We weren't close at that time (we'd had some small disagreements and there were hurt feelings) and I just felt she'd have more fun without me there, so I didn't go. This didn't cause any hurt feelings at all. We're close now.

Just say "I'm so sorry but now that I know the expenses related to this event, I won't be able to attend. Looking forward to seeing Gabi at the wedding!" Pay nothing. Don't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

+1

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

+1

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

This is on the organizer, not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

+1

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

This is on the organizer, not OP

This.

If you’re not organized and not be transparent that all of the attendees will be paying for the bride expect for people to back out.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. You would not be a jerk for backing out. Just be prepared to not get your $800 back. Who knows…maybe you’ll get lucky and get the $ back but I doubt it unless you throw a big fit about it. People who plan big $$$ events like this won’t think anything of keeping your money even if you don’t go.

But if you do go, you’ll wind up spending 4-5 times that $800 so it makes no sense to go even if you can’t get that $ back.

Your cousin, if she has any decency/is at all a reasonable person, will understand and not be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

+1

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

This is on the organizer, not OP

This.

If you’re not organized and not be transparent that all of the attendees will be paying for the bride expect for people to back out.

The cost of the lodging is not on the organizer at this point. The organizer sent an email saying the lodging would be $X, and I need $Y from each person by Z date. OP sent the money, which meant she agreed to the cost of the lodging. OP could have backed out at that point, or said she wasn’t comfortable committing to anything at that point without an itinerary or an idea of what the other costs would be. She did not do that, and sent the money. It’s sunk cost - they are not going to send it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

+1

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

This is on the organizer, not OP

This.

If you’re not organized and not be transparent that all of the attendees will be paying for the bride expect for people to back out.

The cost of the lodging is not on the organizer at this point. The organizer sent an email saying the lodging would be $X, and I need $Y from each person by Z date. OP sent the money, which meant she agreed to the cost of the lodging. OP could have backed out at that point, or said she wasn’t comfortable committing to anything at that point without an itinerary or an idea of what the other costs would be. She did not do that, and sent the money. It’s sunk cost - they are not going to send it back.

Wrong. OP said the organizer sent a text the same day saying I need $800 by this afternoon and that when she disclosed where they were going in the same message. There was only a few hours turnaround to collect money and to let people know the details =disorganized. I’ll say it again, if you’re disorganized and spring things on people last minute expect people to back out.

[Anonymous]

OP, what have you decided?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between flight, housing and transportation you are already at $2000. And you haven't eaten a single thing, visited a single winery, etc. I would expect to spend another $1500-2000 for that stuff.

Can you afford a $4000 trip? If not, back out. Don't make your decision based on whether you'll get back the $800 or not - consider it a sunk cost if you can't recoup. But don't throw away another $3000 chasing it.

Under no circumstances should you go into any sort of debt for this. In other words, if you would have to put any of this on a credit card, don't go. Only go if you can pay for the whole thing in cash (symbolically of course - don't actually take $4000 in cash).

+1

The $800 is a sunk cost - you (stupidly) agreed to it, and sent the money before you had an idea of the trip cost. In theory, I agree with those that say you should have known this was going to be an expensive trip. You all haven’t even discussed food yet. Based on the way they are planning lodging and transportation, it’s going to be $$$.

As someone that has been the planner (I ALWAYS give costs up front) for various groups, I despise when people back out because the organizer usually ends up eating that money. I’m still salty about the ticket to a football game a friend never paid for. Not a soul volunteered to split the cost with me. People generally do not understand how this works until *they* do the planning for the group.

This is on the organizer, not OP

This.

If you’re not organized and not be transparent that all of the attendees will be paying for the bride expect for people to back out.

The cost of the lodging is not on the organizer at this point. The organizer sent an email saying the lodging would be $X, and I need $Y from each person by Z date. OP sent the money, which meant she agreed to the cost of the lodging. OP could have backed out at that point, or said she wasn’t comfortable committing to anything at that point without an itinerary or an idea of what the other costs would be. She did not do that, and sent the money. It’s sunk cost - they are not going to send it back.

Wrong. OP said the organizer sent a text the same day saying I need $800 by this afternoon and that when she disclosed where they were going in the same message. There was only a few hours turnaround to collect money and to let people know the details =disorganized. I’ll say it again, if you’re disorganized and spring things on people last minute expect people to back out.

And if you back out of something after paying for it expect not to get that money back