Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

[Anonymous]

Return your bridal gift and consider the $800 a bridal and wedding gift, and don’t attend the wedding. This bridge sounds like a disgusting person.

[Anonymous]

*bride

[Anonymous]

This bridge is going to want a private chef at the Airbnb, matching bags, tops, slippers, and spa gear. Plus also expect to have it chip in for a group gift in addition to your own gift. There will be no end. Abort, abort!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did OP ever come back?

I did lol. I just provided the screenshot of the pricing after a poster said I must have misunderstood about the pricing

So what are you going to do?

OP you got 10 pages of opinions. What are you going to do? What are your thoughts at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you truly can’t afford it, back out. But in this case I think you are to blame - a four-night stay in Napa was obviously going to be very expensive. In fact you’re getting off pretty cheap on the lodging. You already RSVP’d so you need to suck it up if you can.

This.
Also $200/night is really very reasonable for Napa.
The limo seems to be on the expensive side but for 4 days it’s not that bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly can’t afford it, back out. But in this case I think you are to blame - a four-night stay in Napa was obviously going to be very expensive. In fact you’re getting off pretty cheap on the lodging. You already RSVP’d so you need to suck it up if you can.

This.
Also $200/night is really very reasonable for Napa.
The limo seems to be on the expensive side but for 4 days it’s not that bad?

Covering the costs for the bride for the entire trip is not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly can’t afford it, back out. But in this case I think you are to blame - a four-night stay in Napa was obviously going to be very expensive. In fact you’re getting off pretty cheap on the lodging. You already RSVP’d so you need to suck it up if you can.

This.
Also $200/night is really very reasonable for Napa.
The limo seems to be on the expensive side but for 4 days it’s not that bad?

Who has a 4 day spa chauffeur massage drinks dinner vacation for 10 and calls it a bachelorette party? Ultimate money grab unless very very wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Did OPs cousin watch too much Crazy Rich Asians??

[Anonymous]

If I were Op that $800 would be the wedding gift and send a short note of decline without explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly can’t afford it, back out. But in this case I think you are to blame - a four-night stay in Napa was obviously going to be very expensive. In fact you’re getting off pretty cheap on the lodging. You already RSVP’d so you need to suck it up if you can.

This.
Also $200/night is really very reasonable for Napa.
The limo seems to be on the expensive side but for 4 days it’s not that bad?

Who has a 4 day spa chauffeur massage drinks dinner vacation for 10 and calls it a bachelorette party? Ultimate money grab unless very very wealthy.

This but have everyone else pay for the everything on the trip. Like I said it’s a great scam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did OPs cousin watch too much Crazy Rich Asians??

But even there the mother owned the island and the resort…and the plane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

Many (probably the majority) of air bnb rentals have significant penalties for cancellations so it’s unlikely that they can just “easily” cancel the Airbnb and find an alternative…especially a month or less out in Napa valley. I’m baffled by the people who think that OP should be able to just back out of something that she has not only already committed to but actually paid for because she has had a change of heart and expect the remaining participants to just eat the higher resulting cost.

I think she can back out but I don’t think she can ask for a refund of the $800.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back out and I wouldn’t even eat the $800. They are being extremely inconsiderate by springing up expenses as if money grows on trees.

You should tell her that when you agreed to go to the bachelorette party you had no clue it was going to be in California, cost $800 plus airfare plus all the other expenses.

This.

Agree. They can easily cancel the Air BnB, look for a cheaper place, stay further away, fewer nights, etc. There are lots of options and giving an $800 gift doesn't have to be the only one here. Why wouldn't she be able to get her money back at this point? None of it is paid for.

She should be able to get her money back, especially if it’s the air bnb and they’re all staying there. How many people are going OP?

Many (probably the majority) of air bnb rentals have significant penalties for cancellations so it’s unlikely that they can just “easily” cancel the Airbnb and find an alternative…especially a month or less out in Napa valley. I’m baffled by the people who think that OP should be able to just back out of something that she has not only already committed to but actually paid for because she has had a change of heart and expect the remaining participants to just eat the higher resulting cost.

I think she can back out but I don’t think she can ask for a refund of the $800.

You can ask, and they might say no. I would plead my case and see where they go from there.

[Anonymous]

Why isn’t your cousin/bride not paying for anything??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were Op that $800 would be the wedding gift and send a short note of decline without explanation.

I would do this. And then I wouldn't go out of my way to be friends with my cousin anymore.