Can you tell me about upscale southern culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think it's weird how people get so captivated by southern people.

Hilarious!

it's like they are aliens

They are fascinating. It’s like watching a bad play, or a reality tv show. They hide everything and it is all a dog and pony show (apparently literally at times). With a version of Blanche Devareux.

I’m much more of a Sophia and Dorothy fan.

[Anonymous]

PP with Southern in-laws who have intense expectations of adult children...they may not be supportive of your daughter working if/when she has children. That's probably not a Southern thing, but many grandparents would also realize that they don't get "a vote" in the matter whereas wealthy Southern grandparents seem to think their adult children should adhere to certain family traditions (like leaving the workplace the minute you get married to a higher-earning man).

My MIL constantly drops hints that I shouldn't be working while I have young kids. (I guess Northern/Midwestern family members have said things too, so maybe I can't blame the South for this one!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H comes from a family like this one. Old southern $$$, probably mixed with slavery. Incredible furniture and valuable antiques with guns unlocked in random places in the house. Kids get smacked if they say anything that can be interpreted as cursing. Everyone is dressed up all the time, including the kids. Good china all the time. Formula feeding. Gossip. OMG, the gossip and backstabbing. I'm European and they are worse than us about gossiping. Racism. Manners are huge, also hypocrisy. The younger generation drinks way way too much. Vacation houses in Alys Beach. UVA and Princeton are the only respectable school choices. Lots and lots of plastic surgery. GOP.

What happened to Duke? Emory?

I have no clue; we went to Brown, where the devil is in charge with the education lol. They are Baptists, so allegedly alcohol free, and the teens drink heavily while also boating. Have I mentioned the hypocrisy? They all have gorgeous, big houses but with the master on the first floor, so I suspect they do hard core sleep training with the infants.

Oh sh&t.

This is so funny b/c "Moms on Call" books/method/FB group is SO popular in the South. I remember (and this was a few years ago) I did a search for the term on DCUM and only got like one hit. (not relevant but the schedules are great!! but I didn't do the CIO at 12 weeks b/c that was a bit much for me...).

I find this interesting because I am a southerner and would be considered to have grown up wealthy. The southern moms I know seem way less bothered or challenged by having children. Some of it is that they have more help and/or they aren't working. I have definitely noticed that kids not sleeping isn't much of a thing. It seems to be a major problem in DC and I'm not convinced it needs to be this way. I never entertained a baby over 2-3 months not sleeping for a good stretch each night. Older baby? Unless there is a weight issue, no overnight feed required. I only get up for sick children and emergencies. It's not as if the child not sleeping is good for the child.

[Anonymous]

We have louder fire trucks in dc and motorcades every 5 min to be a bit more disruptive than the crickets in the south. Here in these parts we believe in Benadryl and melatonin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I lived in the Deep South, I spent a lot more time with black people than I do now in DC. I went to school with them, played sports with them. Traveled to school events and sat together on the bus. I'd call them friends, and I think it was reciprocal.

North Arlington is nowhere near as integrated as my life in a southern state.

North Arlington is nowhere near as integrated as Montgomery or Fairfax, much less Georgia.

There's a long history of racial housing discrimination in Arlington. Redlining and restrictive covenants led to segregated neighborhoods, and the effects are still noticeable today. Some people living in North Arlington still have restrictive covenants (now unenforceable) on their deeds.

https://arlingtonva.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/15/2020/08/VirginiaTech_ArlingtonStudy_HistoryofResidentialDevelopmentandPlanning.pdf

Yep. Part of the wall is still up on S. Arlington. Wasn't the American Nazi part headquartered in Arlington? The Klan also burned crosses at the now Ballston mall and sponsored LL in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H comes from a family like this one. Old southern $$$, probably mixed with slavery. Incredible furniture and valuable antiques with guns unlocked in random places in the house. Kids get smacked if they say anything that can be interpreted as cursing. Everyone is dressed up all the time, including the kids. Good china all the time. Formula feeding. Gossip. OMG, the gossip and backstabbing. I'm European and they are worse than us about gossiping. Racism. Manners are huge, also hypocrisy. The younger generation drinks way way too much. Vacation houses in Alys Beach. UVA and Princeton are the only respectable school choices. Lots and lots of plastic surgery. GOP.

What happened to Duke? Emory?

I have no clue; we went to Brown, where the devil is in charge with the education lol. They are Baptists, so allegedly alcohol free, and the teens drink heavily while also boating. Have I mentioned the hypocrisy? They all have gorgeous, big houses but with the master on the first floor, so I suspect they do hard core sleep training with the infants.

Oh sh&t.

This is so funny b/c "Moms on Call" books/method/FB group is SO popular in the South. I remember (and this was a few years ago) I did a search for the term on DCUM and only got like one hit. (not relevant but the schedules are great!! but I didn't do the CIO at 12 weeks b/c that was a bit much for me...).

I find this interesting because I am a southerner and would be considered to have grown up wealthy. The southern moms I know seem way less bothered or challenged by having children. Some of it is that they have more help and/or they aren't working. I have definitely noticed that kids not sleeping isn't much of a thing. It seems to be a major problem in DC and I'm not convinced it needs to be this way. I never entertained a baby over 2-3 months not sleeping for a good stretch each night. Older baby? Unless there is a weight issue, no overnight feed required. I only get up for sick children and emergencies. It's not as if the child not sleeping is good for the child.

What do you do when the baby is screaming during the night?

[Anonymous]

Check out the Murdaugh family in SC if you want to know What they are like. Shiny on the outside, dark and dirty on the inside. They aren’t better behaved or more cultured than anyone else they just put more effort into hiding it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H comes from a family like this one. Old southern $$$, probably mixed with slavery. Incredible furniture and valuable antiques with guns unlocked in random places in the house. Kids get smacked if they say anything that can be interpreted as cursing. Everyone is dressed up all the time, including the kids. Good china all the time. Formula feeding. Gossip. OMG, the gossip and backstabbing. I'm European and they are worse than us about gossiping. Racism. Manners are huge, also hypocrisy. The younger generation drinks way way too much. Vacation houses in Alys Beach. UVA and Princeton are the only respectable school choices. Lots and lots of plastic surgery. GOP.

What happened to Duke? Emory?

I have no clue; we went to Brown, where the devil is in charge with the education lol. They are Baptists, so allegedly alcohol free, and the teens drink heavily while also boating. Have I mentioned the hypocrisy? They all have gorgeous, big houses but with the master on the first floor, so I suspect they do hard core sleep training with the infants.

Oh sh&t.

This is so funny b/c "Moms on Call" books/method/FB group is SO popular in the South. I remember (and this was a few years ago) I did a search for the term on DCUM and only got like one hit. (not relevant but the schedules are great!! but I didn't do the CIO at 12 weeks b/c that was a bit much for me...).

I find this interesting because I am a southerner and would be considered to have grown up wealthy. The southern moms I know seem way less bothered or challenged by having children. Some of it is that they have more help and/or they aren't working. I have definitely noticed that kids not sleeping isn't much of a thing. It seems to be a major problem in DC and I'm not convinced it needs to be this way. I never entertained a baby over 2-3 months not sleeping for a good stretch each night. Older baby? Unless there is a weight issue, no overnight feed required. I only get up for sick children and emergencies. It's not as if the child not sleeping is good for the child.

What do you do when the baby is screaming during the night?

Provide comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out the Murdaugh family in SC if you want to know What they are like. Shiny on the outside, dark and dirty on the inside. They aren’t better behaved or more cultured than anyone else they just put more effort into hiding it.

This 100 percent.

- North Carolina person

[Anonymous]

It's all about church. Where you go to church. I was invite to a Welcome Party, given in my honor when I moved to the neighborhood. All they wanted to ask about was church. Finally, for a few of them, I talked about our very urban church ...thinking, gee I guess they really have an interest. Wrong.

I think mostly, the ladies wanted to know -- which of their social circles I would frequent. When there wasn't any overlap, I was unimportant. I don't think it's that they decided, on any deep level, that we had nothing in common. I think it was more - their relationships are shallow and all they cared about was knowing I wouldn't have any affect on their established social circles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all about church. Where you go to church. I was invite to a Welcome Party, given in my honor when I moved to the neighborhood. All they wanted to ask about was church. Finally, for a few of them, I talked about our very urban church ...thinking, gee I guess they really have an interest. Wrong.

I think mostly, the ladies wanted to know -- which of their social circles I would frequent. When there wasn't any overlap, I was unimportant. I don't think it's that they decided, on any deep level, that we had nothing in common. I think it was more - their relationships are shallow and all they cared about was knowing I wouldn't have any affect on their established social circles.

Not for the wealthy! The wealthy southerners typically attend church, but their social lives and conversations rarely have anything to do with church. Trust me, I know. What you are describing is more middle class southern culture in a rural area or exurb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H comes from a family like this one. Old southern $$$, probably mixed with slavery. Incredible furniture and valuable antiques with guns unlocked in random places in the house. Kids get smacked if they say anything that can be interpreted as cursing. Everyone is dressed up all the time, including the kids. Good china all the time. Formula feeding. Gossip. OMG, the gossip and backstabbing. I'm European and they are worse than us about gossiping. Racism. Manners are huge, also hypocrisy. The younger generation drinks way way too much. Vacation houses in Alys Beach. UVA and Princeton are the only respectable school choices. Lots and lots of plastic surgery. GOP.

What happened to Duke? Emory?

I have no clue; we went to Brown, where the devil is in charge with the education lol. They are Baptists, so allegedly alcohol free, and the teens drink heavily while also boating. Have I mentioned the hypocrisy? They all have gorgeous, big houses but with the master on the first floor, so I suspect they do hard core sleep training with the infants.

Oh sh&t.

This is so funny b/c "Moms on Call" books/method/FB group is SO popular in the South. I remember (and this was a few years ago) I did a search for the term on DCUM and only got like one hit. (not relevant but the schedules are great!! but I didn't do the CIO at 12 weeks b/c that was a bit much for me...).

I find this interesting because I am a southerner and would be considered to have grown up wealthy. The southern moms I know seem way less bothered or challenged by having children. Some of it is that they have more help and/or they aren't working. I have definitely noticed that kids not sleeping isn't much of a thing. It seems to be a major problem in DC and I'm not convinced it needs to be this way. I never entertained a baby over 2-3 months not sleeping for a good stretch each night. Older baby? Unless there is a weight issue, no overnight feed required. I only get up for sick children and emergencies. It's not as if the child not sleeping is good for the child.

What do you do when the baby is screaming during the night?

Baby slept in our room for the first few months. Then transitioned to nursery. Once in nursery, I tried to only go in for one feed until it was no longer needed (5 months?). I had baby on a strict schedule during the day and made sure to do everything one can do to encourage night time sleep. This is similar to southern friends of mine. Waking up every few hours for months on end is only something a woman who can do who is 1) privileged to not work during the day and 2) foolish. Babies cry and most need to be taught that we sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all about church. Where you go to church. I was invite to a Welcome Party, given in my honor when I moved to the neighborhood. All they wanted to ask about was church. Finally, for a few of them, I talked about our very urban church ...thinking, gee I guess they really have an interest. Wrong.

I think mostly, the ladies wanted to know -- which of their social circles I would frequent. When there wasn't any overlap, I was unimportant. I don't think it's that they decided, on any deep level, that we had nothing in common. I think it was more - their relationships are shallow and all they cared about was knowing I wouldn't have any affect on their established social circles.

Not for the wealthy! The wealthy southerners typically attend church, but their social lives and conversations rarely have anything to do with church. Trust me, I know. What you are describing is more middle class southern culture in a rural area or exurb.

+1 Social life revolves more around secular clubs than church for this set. Besides the big obvious ones like a country club and junior league, there are millions of other random clubs. My inlaws belonged to clubs related to things like showing dogs, gardens, sorority alumni, bridge, boats, books, and a bunch of other things I can't remember. All of these clubs have some sort of socializing element.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all about church. Where you go to church. I was invite to a Welcome Party, given in my honor when I moved to the neighborhood. All they wanted to ask about was church. Finally, for a few of them, I talked about our very urban church ...thinking, gee I guess they really have an interest. Wrong.

I think mostly, the ladies wanted to know -- which of their social circles I would frequent. When there wasn't any overlap, I was unimportant. I don't think it's that they decided, on any deep level, that we had nothing in common. I think it was more - their relationships are shallow and all they cared about was knowing I wouldn't have any affect on their established social circles.

Not for the wealthy! The wealthy southerners typically attend church, but their social lives and conversations rarely have anything to do with church. Trust me, I know. What you are describing is more middle class southern culture in a rural area or exurb.

+1 Social life revolves more around secular clubs than church for this set. Besides the big obvious ones like a country club and junior league, there are millions of other random clubs. My inlaws belonged to clubs related to things like showing dogs, gardens, sorority alumni, bridge, boats, books, and a bunch of other things I can't remember. All of these clubs have some sort of socializing element.

This. Middle class southerners want to know where you go to church. Rich southerners want to know your favorite drink.
~private school white trash poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all about church. Where you go to church. I was invite to a Welcome Party, given in my honor when I moved to the neighborhood. All they wanted to ask about was church. Finally, for a few of them, I talked about our very urban church ...thinking, gee I guess they really have an interest. Wrong.

I think mostly, the ladies wanted to know -- which of their social circles I would frequent. When there wasn't any overlap, I was unimportant. I don't think it's that they decided, on any deep level, that we had nothing in common. I think it was more - their relationships are shallow and all they cared about was knowing I wouldn't have any affect on their established social circles.

Not for the wealthy! The wealthy southerners typically attend church, but their social lives and conversations rarely have anything to do with church. Trust me, I know. What you are describing is more middle class southern culture in a rural area or exurb.

+1 Social life revolves more around secular clubs than church for this set. Besides the big obvious ones like a country club and junior league, there are millions of other random clubs. My inlaws belonged to clubs related to things like showing dogs, gardens, sorority alumni, bridge, boats, books, and a bunch of other things I can't remember. All of these clubs have some sort of socializing element.

Yes - the +1 PP gets it. Thursday night Supper Clubs were a big thing in my state. Football tailgates every weekend. Hunting & fishing weekends for the guys. A week in Florida with extended family or maybe a friend with kids the same age as yours. Church is part of it but only a fraction.

The Southern church people that the first poster above refers to are probably aware that they're being judged and are holding you at arm's length until they get to know you better. Can you blame them? You clearly held them in low esteem.