How To Find A SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question - why have kids if you don't really want anything to do with them?

If you want to be hands-off and continue working 80 hour weeks, just stay a bachelor and become an awesome uncle.

It's not okay to bring children into this world if you're not totally invested in it. And I don't mean financially - children would rather have an involved parent than college tuition or a car.

OP here. I want kids and will be involved. I’m not much of a baby person, and I don’t think many men are. I want to work as much as I can and have my family set for life so when they get schools aged, I’m able to be more invested in their life.

Not being “a baby person” doesn’t get you off the hook. The whole idea that you want to basically ignore your kids until they’re more fun is insane. You have to be an equal partner when they’re young - that’s when it’s most important.

Sorry, but career vs family is a choice we all have to make. You don’t get both. I have big dreams too but they would mean neglecting my family.

Your attitude is completely wrong. It’s not “put my kids on the back burner until my career is in a certain place”. It’s “put my career on the back burner until my kids are in a certain place”.

If you can’t cut down to reasonable hours, don’t have kids. It’s not fair to them. Children shouldn’t exist solely for your entertainment when you feel like it.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read this whole thread but OP there are women out there who believe children (until kindergarten starts) should spend most of their waking hours with someone who loves them. I am a bad ass patent litigator who married a much lower paid, older guy for live and shared values. I quit to be home with the kids until the last entered grade school. We lived for more than a decade on his salary (it wasn’t easy) then I went back to work and he stepped back to help more during the elementary school years. It needs to be a flexible partnership. Not some iron clad contract. Few women with anything going on professionally will know she wants to stay home for decades.

[Anonymous]

Love and shared values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

You want her to give up any chance of getting back into the job market at her current level with no assurances that she’ll be taken care of when you dump her? Wow!

OP here. I said I’m open to a woman who wants to put her career on hold to raise kids and then go back to work once they are school aged.

The prenup will be for my businesses and my assets. Any money that we make after we are married will be considered “our” money and she is entitled to. She is welcome to handle the finances as well. She will have full access to all accounts that is ours and can spends as she pleases.

How much money will she have sacrificed by taking years off her career? How much advancement will she have sacrificed?

OP, my DH makes 10x what you make, and I am a SAHM. We have no pre-nup, but we own everything jointly. DH has also offered to put some property in my name only so I feel secure. He recognizes that I made significant sacrifices to stay home. I think that makes him 10x the man you are.

Oh. And I’m in charge of the finances. I have an MBA from Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here. You can find a SAHM here. I will have your babies, clean house, etc. You will need to pay off my student loans and provide me an allowance, with a separate personal shopping stipend, and keep me in a late model car. Leasing is fine if you end up needing to do that.

Still here. Ready and willing, OP. READY AND WILLING.

I have open legs and an open mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know why this thread is 12 pages.

I haven’t read all 12... but if you are serious you may want to start with a currently single mom who already handles her home, and may also work in a situation where she is overqualified for the job but the job she has affords her time and flexibility with her current kid/kids.

Teachers, social workers, nurses, caregivers. These are all professions where there may be room for a worker to take a break from being a giver...

I’d love to be in a position like this... but alas.

Good luck finding your match!

[Anonymous]

I'd do it too. I'm pleased with the prospect of not seeing you most of the time since you work so much, and I'm happy to sign a pre-nup that lets you keep the value of whatever "businesses" you've established prior to our relationship. Obviously, the kids are mine whether you decide to continue this relationship or not after they learn to walk (since they are nothing but resume fodder to you) and you'll pay handsomely for their upkeep and my service in bearing/raising them.

I assume we don't have to interact physically after conception, but I'm wondering if you will have to be around in the daytime much later on? Because you sound absolutely revolting. I'm really just looking for (1) sperm and (2) a bank account. If you want more than that, I think you need a personality transplant.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess this is not the right place to ask this. I’m still a little surprised with most saying they would never sign a prenup considering this forum is filled with divorced people, people having affairs, and people who hate their spouses.

The prenup is to protect my businesses and certain assets. Any money we earn once married is considered “ ours” and she will have full access to. I don’t plan to get divorced but divorce rates are high.

I’m fine with a woman who wants to keep her career but I would prefer a woman who wants to take time off and be a SAHM while the kids are young.

I want a woman who is kind, attractive, smart, etc. I didn’t say those because they’re a given. Everyone wants that. Everyone wants to be married to a kind, loving, attractive, funny, and faithful person.

I want a true marriage. I do not want a mail order bride or someone young. I’m looking for a woman over 30 who is mature.

I have never cheated and never will. Divorce is not something I want.

At 37, I feel it’s normal to be single. Many people are getting married later in life. The PP who said having a kid at 40 means a child with special needs is wrong and insensitive. Many men and women have children at 40 or over 40 who do not have special needs. The age increases the chances, but that doesn’t mean it will happen in every case.

I can afford the lifestyle I want. I do think it’s ridiculous that some people on here think you can’t raise children with less than $400. I’ve known many families who have made less and still live in move homes, send their kids to private schools, and outsource help.

I want children. I will be part of their lives as much as possible. I will not be around as much in the earlier years because I want to set my family up for a great life. I’ve known many people who have similar situations.

[Anonymous]

NP. FWIW I would sign a prenup, but I’m divorced so have a different appreciation for one. I’d also include other terms and stipulations that would protect me and children in future. You’re working in an interesting window of time 30-35 yrs. It can happen but be smart about it. Don’t discuss your status up front people will want you for your money. You know the role you have and you’re looking for someone else that wants the role to support you. Not the worst thing in the world. Good luck, you seem very logical but a little chilled emotionally. I hope you find what you (and your future wife) are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Woman like an honest man, OP was pretty honest.

[Anonymous]

Of course every person on this board is a badass with some amazing career as an attorney or scientist they can't imagine leaving behind.

That doesn't match my experience when dating when as many women as not (when they admit it) hate their mid-level job as a marking coordinator for some dumb brand or production manager for some worthless non-profit. Or they're a teacher or nurse who would gladly spend the elementary years of their children at home if they could afford to do so.

OP, there are plenty of women who would go that route, but out of a true loving partnership and not some negotiation. Drop the pre-nup and you'll do fine (within your range of attractiveness).

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am repeating my comment about the Russian speaking women. Not the mail order bride variety, but the ones already here, educated and established. They are just more prone to staying home with kids at least until K. They lie the idea of a man being the provider. They won’t like the prenup idea but I think you can work it out.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess this is not the right place to ask this. I’m still a little surprised with most saying they would never sign a prenup considering this forum is filled with divorced people, people having affairs, and people who hate their spouses.

The prenup is to protect my businesses and certain assets. Any money we earn once married is considered “ ours” and she will have full access to. I don’t plan to get divorced but divorce rates are high.

I’m fine with a woman who wants to keep her career but I would prefer a woman who wants to take time off and be a SAHM while the kids are young.

I want a woman who is kind, attractive, smart, etc. I didn’t say those because they’re a given. Everyone wants that. Everyone wants to be married to a kind, loving, attractive, funny, and faithful person.

I want a true marriage. I do not want a mail order bride or someone young. I’m looking for a woman over 30 who is mature.

I have never cheated and never will. Divorce is not something I want.

At 37, I feel it’s normal to be single. Many people are getting married later in life. The PP who said having a kid at 40 means a child with special needs is wrong and insensitive. Many men and women have children at 40 or over 40 who do not have special needs. The age increases the chances, but that doesn’t mean it will happen in every case.

I can afford the lifestyle I want. I do think it’s ridiculous that some people on here think you can’t raise children with less than $400. I’ve known many families who have made less and still live in move homes, send their kids to private schools, and outsource help.

I want children. I will be part of their lives as much as possible. I will not be around as much in the earlier years because I want to set my family up for a great life. I’ve known many people who have similar situations.

Hello, jackass?! Neglecting your children for the first eight years of their life is not how you set them up for a great life. I suggest you listen to “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Cat Stevens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

Time travel?

I’m sorry, but in this day and age women can and do change their minds about what they want to do. The days in which being a SAHM was a decent gig are over. Have you ever tried doing the work you want your wife to do? It’s mind numbing, repetitive, and high burnout. Even people who love it and are convinced for religious and social reasons that it’s their destiny really struggle. I think the fact that you are 37 and still haven’t found someone means you might be struggling too. For a relationship to work there has to be a lot of give and take. Coming in with a rigid view of what unpaid job your partner needs to have for the rest of her life for you to be happy is just not a thing any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question - why have kids if you don't really want anything to do with them?

If you want to be hands-off and continue working 80 hour weeks, just stay a bachelor and become an awesome uncle.

It's not okay to bring children into this world if you're not totally invested in it. And I don't mean financially - children would rather have an involved parent than college tuition or a car.

OP here. I want kids and will be involved. I’m not much of a baby person, and I don’t think many men are. I want to work as much as I can and have my family set for life so when they get schools aged, I’m able to be more invested in their life.

What if your wife dies or becomes seriously ill during the early years? Are you just going to hand the kids over to nannies then because you don't like babies?