How To Find A SAHM?

[Anonymous]

It is wrong to ask a woman to give up her financial security. Do you get that, OP?

If you make her sign a prenup, you need to agree to make up for all lost wages and salary increases and retirement benefits she gave up while being a SAHM. You also need to provide several years of alimony until she gets back on her feet. Did your prenup include these points? Or was it all about your assets and your future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

OP here. I said I’m happy to have a wife who wants to go back to work when the kids are older.

OP I agree with PP who recommended finding a conservative church. (Anglican or Presbyterian evangelical or Baptist)
But I disagree that you’re too late. There are plenty of single women in the DMV who are also seeking a loving relationship with this specific division of labor. And they would be happy to know that there are men who appreciate that same view and don’t loom down on them for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

OP here. I said I’m happy to have a wife who wants to go back to work when the kids are older.

Look, OP, there’s nothing wrong with wanting the life you want but no woman with an ounce of self-preservation will go for what you are offering unless she is completely desperate. If you want a SAHM but want to cut her out in the event of a divorce, you need to write into the prenup that she will be paid for the years of wages and career potential she lost raising your kids and taking care of your home. Depending on she was doing before and how long she stays at home, it may be cheaper for you to resign yourself to a 50/50 split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is wrong to ask a woman to give up her financial security. Do you get that, OP?

If you make her sign a prenup, you need to agree to make up for all lost wages and salary increases and retirement benefits she gave up while being a SAHM. You also need to provide several years of alimony until she gets back on her feet. Did your prenup include these points? Or was it all about your assets and your future?

I don’t think OP is asking to find a woman who will “give up financial security” at all. He doesn’t want to marry someone who sees this arrangement as a sacrifice or concession.
OP is seeking a woman who WANTS to take on this role in marriage and who wants to marry a man who will be the sole provider while she raises kids and manages the house.
I honestly don’t think a marriage like this would work in 2020 unless BOTH parties agreed that these were the roles they wanted!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the details of the prenup your fiancée rejected?

OP here. She won’t be able to touch my businesses or family money or money before we met. Everything else is hers. Money we earn together is hers. The house and car are hers. I kept the house when she left but I let her keep a new $40k car, didn’t ask for the $20kdebt I paid off for her, and she kept the $30k ring I bought her. Any gift I gave her she kept.

Do you miss her? Do you feel like she was the one who got away? Do you wish you had sweetened the deal to keep her?

Or are you perfectly fine with the fact that she walked away?

OP here. No. She found a new guy not even a week later.

Hold up.
Family money? That usually has tons of strings attached and matriarch / patriarch power plays. Yuck.

Oh shut up.

Now I suspect these are all family run businesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wrong to ask a woman to give up her financial security. Do you get that, OP?

If you make her sign a prenup, you need to agree to make up for all lost wages and salary increases and retirement benefits she gave up while being a SAHM. You also need to provide several years of alimony until she gets back on her feet. Did your prenup include these points? Or was it all about your assets and your future?

I don’t think OP is asking to find a woman who will “give up financial security” at all. He doesn’t want to marry someone who sees this arrangement as a sacrifice or concession.
OP is seeking a woman who WANTS to take on this role in marriage and who wants to marry a man who will be the sole provider while she raises kids and manages the house.
I honestly don’t think a marriage like this would work in 2020 unless BOTH parties agreed that these were the roles they wanted!

But who, among the types of women he seemingly wants, would agree to this arrangement knowing that if they divorce, she will be left in a very bad position? If OP didn’t believe in divorce, that would be one thing, but he clearly is ok with it, as evidenced by his prenup demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:mail order bride from a 3rd world country?

But be careful, I've known a few men who have done this, and the women all left the men as soon as they got their green cards. Buyer beware.

I highly doubt you know “a few men who have done this” but it makes for a cool story bro

Really? I’m a DP and I know at least 3. Not the wife leaving part, although this has happened, but the mail order bride part. It’s more common than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is wrong to ask a woman to give up her financial security. Do you get that, OP?

If you make her sign a prenup, you need to agree to make up for all lost wages and salary increases and retirement benefits she gave up while being a SAHM. You also need to provide several years of alimony until she gets back on her feet. Did your prenup include these points? Or was it all about your assets and your future?

I don’t think OP is asking to find a woman who will “give up financial security” at all. He doesn’t want to marry someone who sees this arrangement as a sacrifice or concession.
OP is seeking a woman who WANTS to take on this role in marriage and who wants to marry a man who will be the sole provider while she raises kids and manages the house.
I honestly don’t think a marriage like this would work in 2020 unless BOTH parties agreed that these were the roles they wanted!

Hello, not earning an income means giving up financial security. A wife and mother who chooses to stay at home is giving up her income and relying on the good grace of her husband. If they divorce, she will not have a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

OP here. I said I’m happy to have a wife who wants to go back to work when the kids are older.

OP I agree with PP who recommended finding a conservative church. (Anglican or Presbyterian evangelical or Baptist)
But I disagree that you’re too late. There are plenty of single women in the DMV who are also seeking a loving relationship with this specific division of labor. And they would be happy to know that there are men who appreciate that same view and don’t loom down on them for it.

Read the thread, people. OP doesn't want a religious woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Because he is ticking off the boxes of what is suppose to happen in life. He just doesn't want to do any of the actual work that goes with it. He wants the female to do that, take care of the kids, keep them out of his hair, make sure his dinner is ready on the table, clean his toilet. But then he wants to make sure that he protects all his money in case they divorce, he doesn't care if the mother of his child is destitute and the reason for that is that she stayed home to take care of the household duties and childcare, nope its all I, I, I, I, I want in all his posts. Of course she will have to portray the picture perfect image for everyone as well.

He sounds abusive and I don't believe in his story of wanting real love. When talking about his life he says "I know the life I want". There is no room in that I for a we. He is just following his parents set up. This is what my parents did and this is what I'll do. It just makes me want to vomit.

All of this, but especially the bold. In typical DCUM fashion, some want to turn this into a SAHM war or even more disgustingly an American woman bashing thread, ignoring the real red flags with OP.

OP here. I hate that a man who wants a certain lifestyle is deemed “ abusive”. I have never and will never be abusive. I would never harm anyone. I’m not controlling and do not expect a submissive woman. I have an ideal way of how I want my life to look, but I know that may not happen. I realize I may need to relax some of my wants to get what I need. I think it’s better to be honest and upfront about what I want than blindside her 2-3 years down the road. Many women want certain lifestyles and they are not deemed “ abusive” or other derogatory terms.

Abusive people cannot take constructive criticism. Abusive people twist words. You weren't deemed abusive "for wanting a certain lifestyle". You know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Why would you even want kids?!

Because he is ticking off the boxes of what is suppose to happen in life. He just doesn't want to do any of the actual work that goes with it. He wants the female to do that, take care of the kids, keep them out of his hair, make sure his dinner is ready on the table, clean his toilet. But then he wants to make sure that he protects all his money in case they divorce, he doesn't care if the mother of his child is destitute and the reason for that is that she stayed home to take care of the household duties and childcare, nope its all I, I, I, I, I want in all his posts. Of course she will have to portray the picture perfect image for everyone as well.

He sounds abusive and I don't believe in his story of wanting real love. When talking about his life he says "I know the life I want". There is no room in that I for a we. He is just following his parents set up. This is what my parents did and this is what I'll do. It just makes me want to vomit.

All of this, but especially the bold. In typical DCUM fashion, some want to turn this into a SAHM war or even more disgustingly an American woman bashing thread, ignoring the real red flags with OP.

OP here. I hate that a man who wants a certain lifestyle is deemed “ abusive”. I have never and will never be abusive. I would never harm anyone. I’m not controlling and do not expect a submissive woman. I have an ideal way of how I want my life to look, but I know that may not happen. I realize I may need to relax some of my wants to get what I need. I think it’s better to be honest and upfront about what I want than blindside her 2-3 years down the road. Many women want certain lifestyles and they are not deemed “ abusive” or other derogatory terms.

PP here and I'll add to originall pp's list of red flags OP's victimizing of men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Did your husband ( then boyfriend) tell you you were going to be a SAHM or was that your choice? Because you wanting to or the two of you deciding together this is what you want is a lot different than dictating to you want you will do.

Also, your husband is super involved with the kids, OP says he doesn't want to be involved with th kids until they are 7 or 8, and then only as much as he can.

OP here. Yes. He told me in the early stages of dating it was important to him to find a wife who wants to stay home. I let my husband handle the jig decisions so it worked for me.

My husband is involved but I still do 90% of the work. My husband helps with cooking, bedtime routines, and on the weekends. The rest of the stuff I do.

Sorry, meant to say * pp here.

An we may have believed that if " OP" wasn't on a string of answering questions. You messed up., you had a good troll going for awhile though.

[Anonymous]

This isn't the 1950s, though, OP. Your SAHM will be playing on her phone all day instead of working on household chores and reading to the kids. She'll probably have a boyfriend while you're working.

[Anonymous]

Have seen the movie Stay? The main character was a man like you and wanted a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't the 1950s, though, OP. Your SAHM will be playing on her phone all day instead of working on household chores and reading to the kids. She'll probably have a boyfriend while you're working.

If you aren't OP since we know he likes to sockpuppet it sounds like you came from the same incel boards he did.