How To Find A SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I will be head of the finances but she will have full access to it. My ex worked a non-profit job and didn’t make much. We lived together for a year and she had full access to our joint account. I have no problem making sure the women is well taken care of in the event of a divorce. I’m just not willing to give up half of what I worked for and earned to her.

The problem is that you are expecting sacrifice on the part of the woman (to give up a career, financial freedom and control, etc.) but you won’t actually view her as equally entitled to everything you’ve “worked for.” What about the work that she would do at home? What’s in it for her?

I've posted something supportive of OP before, but I think this is a valid point. It is hard to ask for this division of labor if the wife isn't protected financially.

What are the terms of the pre-nup you are proposing? If you are coming in with significant assets, it is reasonable for you to want to protect a lot of those. But, what about your ability to grow your businesses/assets while you are married and having your wife take over all other responsibilities? I understand why she wouldn't sign if she didn't get an equal-ish share of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Ok. No. You cannot expect a woman to stay home and not have a job and also not have economic security. That woman was very smart not to agree to stay home with no pay and be your maid, nanny, etc but not have a fair share to the money you earn while she is home raising your family.

No wonder no one wants to marry you and be a sahm. You sound like you want a slave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else getting abusive red flags from OP?

No. I'm getting serious Troll vibes.

I don’t know. I think a lot a lot of men that can afford it would like this set up, and with a prenup, yeah, I think many men would be a-ok with this.

[Anonymous]

You're not going to get the answers you want here, but what you are looking for is not that difficult if you truly make that much.

I know from my own dating experience that plenty of women in their late 20s/early 30s would love to quit their job at some dogshit non-profit that barely pays for their non-STEM grad school debt.

But they have to see that you can provide a wealthy lifestyle for them to make the leap. They will still have some side project they talk about as a money maker (my current GF makes and sells candles; a former GF still worked as a coordinator for live events a couple days a month) but it's not that big a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I will be head of the finances but she will have full access to it. My ex worked a non-profit job and didn’t make much. We lived together for a year and she had full access to our joint account. I have no problem making sure the women is well taken care of in the event of a divorce. I’m just not willing to give up half of what I worked for and earned to her.

Imagine how hard have worked for an earned to get ahead. Now stop working completely tomorrow, completely drop your career. Do nothing but raise kids and housekeeping for 10 hrs. Then try and pick back up that awesome career you once had. Half your old work contacts are probably dead by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Good for her. I wouldn’t either if I’m expected to give up my means of providing for myself and rely solely on my husband. That is a risky move for a women. I’m a SAHM and will likely never work again. No way I would ever sign a prenup, especially if I planned to be SAHM or my husband wanted me to. The years of income and career advancement I gave up are irreplaceable, add to that a shitty divorce settlement, no.

Another SAHM who agrees with this.

Also, I'm a SAHM in that I am with my children during the workday rather than outsourcing that to a nanny. It doesn't mean that my husband walks through the door after work and I'm still doing all childcare solo. He is still their father and an equal parent, even if I am yes, the "default" parent. He helps out with dinner chores, bathing, putting the kids to bed. And he's 100 percent on board during the weekends when we are going different directions with dance and sports for our kids. I'm kind of a concerned about the way you are looking at the role of a SAHM. It's one thing to want a parent home during the workday and another to think this is a way to get out of childcare altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a ton of money. A fair amount of women would be willing to do the bulk of of the child/household work, so long as you make plenty to provide a good lifestyle and house help when she needs/wants it, since you aren’t willing to pitch in. She will also want to make sure, in the event of divorce, that her “half” will be still be a lot and keep her comfortable , since she pretty much gave up a career and even if she goes back to work, so won’t make nearly what she could have or once did.

OP here. I was in a relationship that just ended here I thought I found the one. We were very in love and happy but she refused to sign a prenup. I own multiple businesses and have a decent net worth. A prenup is non-negotiable. Most women do not want to sign one.

Let me understand this...

You want a sahm who will be dependent on you financially AND you want her to sign a prenup so that she is dependent on you financially?

Yea. ok. I'm not sure if you are for real or just a troll, but unless you are SUPER rich, you won't find what you are looking for. You might want to try the mail order bride route from Slovenia. I hear they have "models" there who are willing to sign a prenup and take care of the kids and home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

You sound like my DH. It works for us. But I did give up a lot and I wouldn’t have agreed to sign a prenup.

[Anonymous]

I am the kind of wife you’re looking for, but I got engaged at 21 and had my first kid at 24. Frankly, any woman your age you find is going to have spent the last decade of her life having her own little world and life and things that bring her accomplishment and joy. I think my marriage, which had the dynamic you’re describing (though DH does hang with the kids a lot when he isn’t working and is happy to help me with chores when he can) only works because we grew up together. His career and responsibilities at work and to provide for his family, my workload and number of kids/ages/size of house — these were all things we took on together, as partners with different spheres but substantial knowledge of the other’s world. (Non-overlapping magisteria, you could say.) Neither of us really had an independent life to give up when we joined our lives together. We got together at 19 and 20. We were engaged before I graduated college. We’re deliriously happy (or possibly just delirious with exhaustion? Three kids and a pregnancy and a startup!) but it’s not for everyone and it’s a lot harder to do that sort of symbiosis if you’re starting late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else getting abusive red flags from OP?

No. I'm getting serious Troll vibes.

Absolutely. The prenup post pushed it over the edge. Clearly the OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

The prenup is the dealbreaker, OP. You're asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Look for a nanny or someone in childcare. If I were single I would have looked for someone like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The prenup is the dealbreaker, OP. You're asking too much.

+1

OP you want your contribution to be financial and hers to be taking care of hearth and home, but you get the full benefit from her contribution and you want to be able to wall her off from your contribution on a whim. The only person who is going to agree to this is someone very desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Define “very high earner.” Are you talking 300 or 400 thousand? Or seven figures?

Are you on board with hiring a housekeeper and babysitters or nannies or night nurses?

Are do you expect your wife to do all the cleaning and cooking and childcare without our sourcing?

OP here. I’m looking for a normal relationship. I do not want an arranged marriage or a religious person. I also do not want anyone that is younger than 30. A mature women is more important to me than a younger woman.

I’m more than fine with her having her own career. What I do want is her to stay at home while the kids need FT care because I do not want them to be 100% raised by nannies.

I make in the $400k/year range and have assets in the millions range.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster from above who said a woman who desires this lifestyle will not be difficult to find. I guarantee they are out there because I've met them dating.

But the pre-nup insistence does show that you are not serious and you are not seeking a true partner; just a housekeeper/nanny who will also have sex with you.