How To Find A SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

I was exactly like you described, a SAHM raising kids, and managing small family rental business while my husband was taking care of his high flying corporate career and finances. You know what? 15 years later I discovered he cheated on me for 5 years, cheated IRS for hundreds of thousands, and hid a business in Switzerland under a fake beneficiary. I am now trying to get out from this near criminal story with no independent job of myself, and he tries to make me sink with him, and to divide our small rentals, while he hid millions in Swiss accounts.

If any normal woman is reading it: NEVER, EVER GIVE UP INDEPENDENT CORPORATE INCOME TO BE SAHM!!! I am paying for my decision dearly 15 years after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

OP here. I said I’m happy to have a wife who wants to go back to work when the kids are older.

How nice of you. If she sacrifices the most important decade of her working life for you, she’ll be starting from scratch in some low-level job making a pittance and you both might feel that her sudden in availability to you and the kids is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need to look in certain places. I don’t see the hate you’re getting.

I met my husband at 35. He had some family money and a lucrative business. I signed a prenup. I’m a nurse and took 5 years off to raise our two boys. I managed all of the childcare and household stuff. My husband is super involved in our kids lives. I have everything I want. You can find it. Don’t give up hope.

Pretty sure OP is not interested in someone who wants to go back to work in 5 years. If she goes back to work, household chores and school pickups may fall on him.

OP here. I said I’m happy to have a wife who wants to go back to work when the kids are older.

How nice of you. If she sacrifices the most important decade of her working life for you, she’ll be starting from scratch in some low-level job making a pittance and you both might feel that her sudden in availability to you and the kids is not worth it.

+1 basically it becomes a "job" just to fill some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I found your soul mate:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/917099.page

Haha!

It’s only funny because it’s true!

OP said he doesn't want someone who is divorced.

I didn't read through all the posts. Why not? OP seems quite picky. IMO, those two are perfect for each other.

I bet OP is the type who will expect the wife will:
1. put out on demand
2. stay slim after all the pregnancies
3. be submissive to what he wants

OP here. I don’t expect sex on demand. My ex and I only had sex 2-3 times a week most of the time. I’m fine with that. I don’t expect a submissive woman.

I actually prefer woman on the curvier side. I’m not into a skeleton. Not obese but my last girlfriend was 5’2, 150lbs. Busty and curvy. That’s what I prefer.

1. If you've read some of the posts on this forum you'll note that some men get sex maybe once every few months post baby. I lol at you who thinks 2 to 3x/week is going to stay the same after kids are born

2. More than likely a woman who is 5'2 and 150lbs will end up closer to 200lbs after kids are born. You ok with that? I'm barely 5' btw, and 118lbs post 12 yrs after my last kid. But I was 103lbs to start with. I was 127lb for a while after the kids were born.

3. "submissive" comes in many forms. I bet you expect her to do what you want because you are making all the money.

And abuse also comes in many forms. You don't ever have to lay a finger on a woman and still be abusive, mentally and emotionally.

[Anonymous]

This OP is creepy.

I hope he is crystal clear in his social media search, so strong women who would serve as healthy role models for the next generation can steer clear of him.

(Unless we want to come reliving 1950 on a loop. I guess he just want to make the family great again.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This OP is creepy.

I hope he is crystal clear in his social media search, so strong women who would serve as healthy role models for the next generation can steer clear of him.

(Unless we want to come reliving 1950 on a loop. I guess he just want to make the family great again.)

it's not even reflective of the 50s, those men didn't demand prenups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a very high earner and work 70-80 hour weeks. I will be involved as I possibly can with kids, but she will be the default parent. We will hire help with childcare and housekeeping, but she will manage the day-to-day responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, shuffling kids to school, etc. My parents had the same setup and it worked. My dad was very involved in raising us, but my mom did the bulk of it.

Define “very high earner.” Are you talking 300 or 400 thousand? Or seven figures?

Are you on board with hiring a housekeeper and babysitters or nannies or night nurses?

Are do you expect your wife to do all the cleaning and cooking and childcare without our sourcing?

OP here. I’m looking for a normal relationship. I do not want an arranged marriage or a religious person. I also do not want anyone that is younger than 30. A mature women is more important to me than a younger woman.

I’m more than fine with her having her own career. What I do want is her to stay at home while the kids need FT care because I do not want them to be 100% raised by nannies.

I make in the $400k/year range and have assets in the millions range.

Is any of your wealth from family or family biz? Or r u totally self made? (Ie start up wealth)

Start up is not self-made and more than family businesses are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

I was exactly like you described, a SAHM raising kids, and managing small family rental business while my husband was taking care of his high flying corporate career and finances. You know what? 15 years later I discovered he cheated on me for 5 years, cheated IRS for hundreds of thousands, and hid a business in Switzerland under a fake beneficiary. I am now trying to get out from this near criminal story with no independent job of myself, and he tries to make me sink with him, and to divide our small rentals, while he hid millions in Swiss accounts.

If any normal woman is reading it: NEVER, EVER GIVE UP INDEPENDENT CORPORATE INCOME TO BE SAHM!!! I am paying for my decision dearly 15 years after.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Maybe you could do an AMA. I think it could help people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Join a conservative church.

You’re getting kind of old for this type of pairing to be honest. Most women who are okay with this marry a college sweetheart shortly after graduation. You’re over a decade too late.

If he’s got a little bit of money and/or a half-decent career, he can find an eager gal 10 years his junior quiet easily. One of DiCaprio’s 29-yo exes just married a 40-yo man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you want someone who is smart? Here’s my advice. Find a mid-level associate at a large firm who wants to have kids right away and isn’t a total workaholic must make partner type. Once she has the baby and stays home for 6 months to a year she won’t want to go back if you hire a house cleaner and a part time sitter so she can get some me time. That would be a sweet deal that I would totally have taken. She’ll realize she likes staying home in yoga pants and wasn’t going to make partner anyway.

Hahaha

You seriously think a lawyer is going to sign OP’s prenup giving him control of all finances and relinquishing her rights to marital assets??? That’s cute.

OP here. She will have full access to anything earned while we are married. That will be “ our money”. The prenup is to make sure she doesn’t get half of my businesses in the event of a divorce, and she won’t get the money I have now.

OP, are you stupid or what? Businesses grow and appreciate over years. Lets say, you have 5mln in stock options when getting married in your business. In 20 years it became 40mln. Would she have to give up on her 50% of that appreciation?

This is the whole point and you didn't answer it.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you want to want to miss out on that much of your kids lives? 70-80 hours a week for the first 10 years of your kids lives sounds awful. You will not have a great relationship with your kids if you’re minimally there and working all the time when they are older. My mom was a SAHM and my dad was a workaholic who traveled for weeks at a time - I didn’t even recognize him when he came home once when I was really young. He was very involved with my academics as I got older and always supportive but we are not close now. He definitely regrets it, and that has only become more clear once I had kids (his grandkids). For what it’s worth, my FIL is the same way. They dote on their grandkids way more than they did on their own kids as they weren’t around or as hands on for the early years. My dad is very successful financially but he has let it slip that he wishes he Hadn’t traveled so much when I was young.

[Anonymous]

It should be easy for you to find. Lots of unambitious women that don’t want to work.

[Anonymous]

OP - I’m 34 and currently enjoy my career but ready to have children and want to focus on that while they’re young (with the right partner). Give me a way to contact you, I think we’d be a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

I was exactly like you described, a SAHM raising kids, and managing small family rental business while my husband was taking care of his high flying corporate career and finances. You know what? 15 years later I discovered he cheated on me for 5 years, cheated IRS for hundreds of thousands, and hid a business in Switzerland under a fake beneficiary. I am now trying to get out from this near criminal story with no independent job of myself, and he tries to make me sink with him, and to divide our small rentals, while he hid millions in Swiss accounts.

If any normal woman is reading it: NEVER, EVER GIVE UP INDEPENDENT CORPORATE INCOME TO BE SAHM!!! I am paying for my decision dearly 15 years after.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Maybe you could do an AMA. I think it could help people.

Happened to my friend too. Navy guy. Started abusing her. She did everything for him. Even supported his family who came over and couldn’t live on their own. Had the family member live with them. Was ok giving the family member money. Took care of everything at home. The guy was just extremely controlling. I think it’s the guys that really want the SAHP that are the ones to look out for. They can be inflexible and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 37 and single. I’ve been trying I find a certain type of woman and just haven’t. You can say I’m looking for a 1950’s housewife. I don’t expect a servant or anything like that, but I wanted a woman who wants to stay at home taking care of her kids and husband. I’m looking for a woman who wants to take care of raising the kids and responsibilities of the household, while I work and manage things like finances. Most of the women I meet want to be a SAHM only short-term, or want to be a SAHM but expect the man to be a 50/50 partner in childcare and household responsibilities. I’m looking for a woman who can handle the bulk of it. How do I find a woman like this?

I was exactly like you described, a SAHM raising kids, and managing small family rental business while my husband was taking care of his high flying corporate career and finances. You know what? 15 years later I discovered he cheated on me for 5 years, cheated IRS for hundreds of thousands, and hid a business in Switzerland under a fake beneficiary. I am now trying to get out from this near criminal story with no independent job of myself, and he tries to make me sink with him, and to divide our small rentals, while he hid millions in Swiss accounts.

If any normal woman is reading it: NEVER, EVER GIVE UP INDEPENDENT CORPORATE INCOME TO BE SAHM!!! I am paying for my decision dearly 15 years after.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Maybe you could do an AMA. I think it could help people.

Happened to my friend too. Navy guy. Started abusing her. She did everything for him. Even supported his family who came over and couldn’t live on their own. Had the family member live with them. Was ok giving the family member money. Took care of everything at home. The guy was just extremely controlling. I think it’s the guys that really want the SAHP that are the ones to look out for. They can be inflexible and controlling.

The bolded. Not only should you look out for men who are insistent for a sahw, likewise men should watch out for women who want literally nothing more than being a sahw.

The men in this scenario are inflexible and have lousy traditional views (OP for example). The women in this scenario bring literally nothing to the table. A good friend was insistent on having a sahw - got one who had a series of failed gig jobs and “retired” when they were engage. 5 years later he was so frustrated and what a lousy, lazy mom and wife she was. We all laughed, because what did he expect from someone who had literally no aspiration or motivation to do anything?

I have lots of friends who married a friend and partner, open to whatever came, and following kids, mom decided to stay home. These are totally normal, healthy relationships. Big difference than what OP wants.