Why are dating apps filled with MC or LMC guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow I'm too shy to ask a man out. I don't support pound me too. Its ridiculous. I like chivalry and being more polite to women but that's bc my family's culture is that way. My dad still holds open doors for women. All I get is men leering at me though with no talk. So weird.

Whether you support metoo or not isn't the issue. Men are more hesitant now in professional or pseudo-professional situations, to ask any woman out.

It sounds like you want to do things your way, but aren't willing to do the work to achieve your goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

You find a guy by going to places where you’d like a guy to be: museums, church, etc.

You can also volunteer at a hospital and try to meet a doctor.

Man here and I don't think that will work well. How many single guys do you see at museums, or at church who aren't weirdos? At all the church events I've seen, the "singles" group is clique-y and full of odd folks who date one parishioner after another.

Then at the hospital... doctors aren't going to risk a harrassment charge and losing privileges at that hospital by flirting with the volunteers.

Now.. I know some museums have after-hours social events, and hospitals probably do also. That's a bit more likely, but those just don't come along too often.

I'm imagining OP at the local museum looking for love, surround by sixth graders from Iowa on a field trip. Love is in the air!

[Anonymous]

Younger men frequently hit on me but I'd like someone single mature and settled and a little closer to my age. If I look at guys in their 40s they look like my father.

OP in ten years: "I wish I'd married a guy in his 40s ten years ago. Now I'm in my 40s and still single and the only guys who hit on me are in their 50s, ewww."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP:

You find a guy by going to places where you’d like a guy to be: museums, church, etc.

You can also volunteer at a hospital and try to meet a doctor.

Running groups are a great place to meet guys. I’m not a runner but dated several guys in my running groups.

UMC guys don’t have time for dating and bars. They work and then do a few social things, like a running group. Join an activity or volunteer.

You’ll never find a future husband on ok Cupid!

Great sweat pouring down wheezing as I keep up red face with no makeup sounds great to meet guys.

Men love you anyway if you are in exercise gear and are not fat. See also: women at the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As to where to look, among all my friends who are 30s and 40s men and UMC to UC, none of them use the dating apps you mention. Some are on sugar dating sites (the only sites out there where women outnumber men), and others meet socially. These days, if you want to meet someone socially, you'll need to make the first move and be very clear about it (maybe even asking the person out). A lot of men I know are wary at doing this at networking/work events for fear of the metoo stuff. At a purely social event, it's less of a concern, but just realize this if it's a professional event.

This just isn't true. Online dating is your greatest field in which to find a guy. Let's say you go to a social event, maybe you see a few guys who may (or may not) be available. They may be married, gay, asexual, etc. You just don't know what their situation is. Sure, there is a chance you'll meet a single, heterosexual guy looking for someone like you, but more likely than not, you won't. Online dating, supplemented by getting out and meeting as many people as possible, is the way to go. There are lots of guys available online, it's just a matter of filtering and then meeting the ones that interest you. Of course, the more picky you are, the fewer there are to meet. If you are open to age, height, race and profession, there are no shortage of 30-something men that will likely go out with you if you have decent photos and a semi-interesting write up.

OP is looking for UMC men. At least among all the men I know who meet this criteria, none of them are on Tinder or the typical apps. I haven't quizzed them that much on it, but my guess is they value their time and there's a lot of time to be wasted on there. I'm guessing every woman on there gets a sea of messages to filter through, and a busy UMC man isn't going to spend a lot of time crafting a great message to hope it gets viewed in the woman's inbox of hundreds.

Well, that's the genius of apps like Bumble, where you both have to "swipe right" on each other to be matched, and then the woman has to send the first message. So, the "busy UMC man" as you put it, doesn't actually have to spend his precious time crafting a great message. He just has to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes.

Amazing isn't it? The problem is always someone else, and not you. ALL your friends deserted you? They're ALL flakes? What are the odds?

They didn't desert me. I did because I realized they just came to me to gossip negatively, turned 2 face on me, or only called me when they needed me but women friends are like that.

Nope, nope nope. As a woman, I tell my male single friends to be very cautious of a woman who doesn't have at least a small circle of female friends. It's not a deal breaker, but it should be a yellow caution light.

You really need to get a handle on why you are choosing people that are untrustworthy or gossipy or what have you as friends. It's simply not the norm for people to not have friends, to always have people desert you. Are you driving people away? Work on your judgment, your ability to perceive someone's good character (or lack thereof). You can't separate male-female relationships from the overall issue you are having with interpersonal relationships as a whole.

[Anonymous]

Separated and has salary demands? That's easy; hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes.

Amazing isn't it? The problem is always someone else, and not you. ALL your friends deserted you? They're ALL flakes? What are the odds?

They didn't desert me. I did because I realized they just came to me to gossip negatively, turned 2 face on me, or only called me when they needed me but women friends are like that.

Nope, nope nope. As a woman, I tell my male single friends to be very cautious of a woman who doesn't have at least a small circle of female friends. It's not a deal breaker, but it should be a yellow caution light.

You really need to get a handle on why you are choosing people that are untrustworthy or gossipy or what have you as friends. It's simply not the norm for people to not have friends, to always have people desert you. Are you driving people away? Work on your judgment, your ability to perceive someone's good character (or lack thereof). You can't separate male-female relationships from the overall issue you are having with interpersonal relationships as a whole.

Yes, you're right. I have a big lack of trust in people because people I loved or was close to and thought they were friends betrayed at some point in our friendship. When I lose trust I can't gain it back and I tread carefully. I think that makes me appear distant and careful with people. I do regret not bonding and making friends with people who wanted to bond.

[Anonymous]

I'm an UMC woman with multiple advanced degrees --like everyone else around the DMV- who married the electrician who came to fix her porch light. He is 9 years younger and hot as hell.

Open up and knock down those barriers. It's been 11 sexy years now plus 2 kids that UMC men were not interested in having with me.

[Anonymous]

I never dated on-line. I joined running and triathlon-training groups. Sooooo many men! Grabbed a good one and made him my husband. I was 39. We had one child and then adopted another.

[Anonymous]

OP, the problem is that you view yourself the same as when you were dating in your 20’s.

I hate to break it to you but as a 30’s divorcée your desirability has decreased substantially.

You want an UMC guy to build a family with, well, those guys can easily get a woman your age who’s never been married. They can also get a younger woman in her late 20’s who’s never been married. Either of those options are more desirable than you. You have baggage, so you can’t afford to be as judgmental about men with baggage. That’s the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you expect from free dating apps? Use an app that costs money like EHarmony

This

[Anonymous]

When i was 25 there were so many women my age i knew who were marring 40-year old divorced men who already had a child. I mean, it actually became common in my circle. 20 years later, only one of them has been divorced. They all met thru work or friends. I think guys know this and skip straight to the 23-to-30 year old single women demographic. I feel very lucky to have found a husband at 41 who was my own age. But I was prepared to stay single rather than become one of those very-apparent desperate women who marry men whom they obviously don't love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, try Match, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel. I think the men you are looking for (UMC men looking for a relationship) frequent these sites more than Tinder or OFC.

The advice of "meet people in person" sounds great but is very hard to make work in real life. Advice like "try church" for meeting men is almost always useless as the age demo is weighted much heavier to toward those above 40 (at least it is at my church.) I think McLean Bible may have a younger demo, so there is that.

Meetup also works well if you find an active group and you like what the group is doing (i.e., do not sign up for "Running in DC" if you hate to run.) There are tons of Meetup groups so you should find something you like.

Thank you! I am a meet up participant. I am a member of several book clubs which are mostly women. What type of groups would cater to men?

I really hope a certain friend of mine is not on this site. He will know I am talking about him. He joined a book club specifically to meet women. He knew these clubs are majority women. Welp, he met his wife the *the very first time* he went. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Once you are past 32, the world is no longer "your dating oyster." You have to change your strategy. You have to open yourself up to different kinds of men.