Why are dating apps filled with MC or LMC guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes.

Amazing isn't it? The problem is always someone else, and not you. ALL your friends deserted you? They're ALL flakes? What are the odds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the women who get married in mid to late 20's are usually the ones with no ambition beyond 'landing a man'. THe ones who got married in grad school never finished the degree or got a job in their field. Instead, a lot of them still work as glorified research assistants for their husbands, who publish the papers and get the credit. Um, no thanks.

I'd also worry about any guy who was looking for that in a woman. Like those lawyers in the 1950's who married their secretaries.

I literally know no one in my social circle like this and we all got married mid to late 20s.

Seriously! All the power couples I know met in college or grad school and got married either right before it right after graduation - so late 20’s.

It’s the ones who got married much later it much younger who tend to have imbalanced relationships with a SAHM dynamic.

Oh please, just because someone is a SAHM doesn't mean she is in an imbalanced relationship and the decision to become one has to do with the jobs/pay/commutes at hand, not the age when they got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

I'm a man.

Here are the things from your list about positives about yourself that no successful UMC man cares about (and maybe even no man at all cares about):
- I am a good and kind sister, daughter
- I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place
- I was a live-in nanny for a few years
- I completed prestigious unpaid internships
- I know how to host dinner parties
- I am goal oriented

Here are things a man might care about from your list:
- clear eyed about what I want (men can't stand wishy washy behavior)
- I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy. (always good to have fun)
- am a wonderful cook (semi-bonus)
- I waited until marriage to have sex at 29 (shows you didn't piss away your 20s boozing and sleeping around, a strong negative for wife material)
- I am cultured and well traveled. (potential positive but certainly not necessary)

Here are things a man definitely cares about:
- I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day.

You've got some positives but it's worth noting that you listed an equal number of things that a man most likely doesn't care about at all as your marketable positives. Does it mean you are overperceiving your value by 50%? You be the judge.

I agree. Know what you want and be clear on what you expect. If you know what you want, you have a better chance of getting it. I knew the type of guy I wanted would probably not go on a dating app, so I focused on networking and asking friends to set me up. It worked.

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes. I'm a very young looking late 30s f never married who 20 somethings always mistake me for their age. Younger men frequently hit on me but I'd like someone single mature and settled and a little closer to my age. If I look at guys in their 40s they look like my father.

I'd work on this. Hard to select a great future mate if you can't select future friends without issue.

[Anonymous]

And I was obtuse in assuming that everyone would understand that the pressure faced by educated Black professionals to settle in urban areas to 'give back' described by Brittney Cooper in her book 'Eloquent Rage' is significant. This would be a move into the unknown for me as I was raised in a suburb of Atlanta and only came close as a student at Howard University. I am definitely a striver from a family of strivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
As to where to look, among all my friends who are 30s and 40s men and UMC to UC, none of them use the dating apps you mention. Some are on sugar dating sites (the only sites out there where women outnumber men), and others meet socially. These days, if you want to meet someone socially, you'll need to make the first move and be very clear about it (maybe even asking the person out). A lot of men I know are wary at doing this at networking/work events for fear of the metoo stuff. At a purely social event, it's less of a concern, but just realize this if it's a professional event.

This just isn't true. Online dating is your greatest field in which to find a guy. Let's say you go to a social event, maybe you see a few guys who may (or may not) be available. They may be married, gay, asexual, etc. You just don't know what their situation is. Sure, there is a chance you'll meet a single, heterosexual guy looking for someone like you, but more likely than not, you won't. Online dating, supplemented by getting out and meeting as many people as possible, is the way to go. There are lots of guys available online, it's just a matter of filtering and then meeting the ones that interest you. Of course, the more picky you are, the fewer there are to meet. If you are open to age, height, race and profession, there are no shortage of 30-something men that will likely go out with you if you have decent photos and a semi-interesting write up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As to where to look, among all my friends who are 30s and 40s men and UMC to UC, none of them use the dating apps you mention. Some are on sugar dating sites (the only sites out there where women outnumber men), and others meet socially. These days, if you want to meet someone socially, you'll need to make the first move and be very clear about it (maybe even asking the person out). A lot of men I know are wary at doing this at networking/work events for fear of the metoo stuff. At a purely social event, it's less of a concern, but just realize this if it's a professional event.

This just isn't true. Online dating is your greatest field in which to find a guy. Let's say you go to a social event, maybe you see a few guys who may (or may not) be available. They may be married, gay, asexual, etc. You just don't know what their situation is. Sure, there is a chance you'll meet a single, heterosexual guy looking for someone like you, but more likely than not, you won't. Online dating, supplemented by getting out and meeting as many people as possible, is the way to go. There are lots of guys available online, it's just a matter of filtering and then meeting the ones that interest you. Of course, the more picky you are, the fewer there are to meet. If you are open to age, height, race and profession, there are no shortage of 30-something men that will likely go out with you if you have decent photos and a semi-interesting write up.

OP is looking for UMC men. At least among all the men I know who meet this criteria, none of them are on Tinder or the typical apps. I haven't quizzed them that much on it, but my guess is they value their time and there's a lot of time to be wasted on there. I'm guessing every woman on there gets a sea of messages to filter through, and a busy UMC man isn't going to spend a lot of time crafting a great message to hope it gets viewed in the woman's inbox of hundreds.

[Anonymous]

Why? ... because they are lazy
or at least, less motivated, in dating, in life. It's tied together in quite a few cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes.

Amazing isn't it? The problem is always someone else, and not you. ALL your friends deserted you? They're ALL flakes? What are the odds?

They didn't desert me. I did because I realized they just came to me to gossip negatively, turned 2 face on me, or only called me when they needed me but women friends are like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As to where to look, among all my friends who are 30s and 40s men and UMC to UC, none of them use the dating apps you mention. Some are on sugar dating sites (the only sites out there where women outnumber men), and others meet socially. These days, if you want to meet someone socially, you'll need to make the first move and be very clear about it (maybe even asking the person out). A lot of men I know are wary at doing this at networking/work events for fear of the metoo stuff. At a purely social event, it's less of a concern, but just realize this if it's a professional event.

This just isn't true. Online dating is your greatest field in which to find a guy. Let's say you go to a social event, maybe you see a few guys who may (or may not) be available. They may be married, gay, asexual, etc. You just don't know what their situation is. Sure, there is a chance you'll meet a single, heterosexual guy looking for someone like you, but more likely than not, you won't. Online dating, supplemented by getting out and meeting as many people as possible, is the way to go. There are lots of guys available online, it's just a matter of filtering and then meeting the ones that interest you. Of course, the more picky you are, the fewer there are to meet. If you are open to age, height, race and profession, there are no shortage of 30-something men that will likely go out with you if you have decent photos and a semi-interesting write up.

OP is looking for UMC men. At least among all the men I know who meet this criteria, none of them are on Tinder or the typical apps. I haven't quizzed them that much on it, but my guess is they value their time and there's a lot of time to be wasted on there. I'm guessing every woman on there gets a sea of messages to filter through, and a busy UMC man isn't going to spend a lot of time crafting a great message to hope it gets viewed in the woman's inbox of hundreds.

Idk. Are lawyers upc? I see them online a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a man.

Here are the things from your list about positives about yourself that no successful UMC man cares about (and maybe even no man at all cares about):
- I am a good and kind sister, daughter
- I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place
- I was a live-in nanny for a few years
- I completed prestigious unpaid internships
- I know how to host dinner parties
- I am goal oriented

Here are things a man might care about from your list:
- clear eyed about what I want (men can't stand wishy washy behavior)
- I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy. (always good to have fun)
- am a wonderful cook (semi-bonus)
- I waited until marriage to have sex at 29 (shows you didn't piss away your 20s boozing and sleeping around, a strong negative for wife material)
- I am cultured and well traveled. (potential positive but certainly not necessary)

Here are things a man definitely cares about:
- I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day.

You've got some positives but it's worth noting that you listed an equal number of things that a man most likely doesn't care about at all as your marketable positives. Does it mean you are overperceiving your value by 50%? You be the judge.

Another man here, and I agree with this. I also chuckle at posters recommending OP meet men at book clubs. I could never imagine one of my guy friends saying "Hey, let's go to the book club on Friday!" or church. There are single men in church, but all the ones I've come into contact with there are weirdos.

The issue is you're looking for:
a) what everyone else is looking for
and
b) there just aren't that many of them

For example, let's take your requirement that they be college-educated. Not much of an ask, right? Well most universities at undergrad-level are 60-65% female, so just out of the gate, there's 3 women for every 2 men graduating. Then you want a person who is UMC, so by definition that includes the majority of people (as they are MC) and everyone below them too.

Fine.. you want what you want. Just realize it's not easy to find.

As to where to look, among all my friends who are 30s and 40s men and UMC to UC, none of them use the dating apps you mention. Some are on sugar dating sites (the only sites out there where women outnumber men), and others meet socially. These days, if you want to meet someone socially, you'll need to make the first move and be very clear about it (maybe even asking the person out). A lot of men I know are wary at doing this at networking/work events for fear of the metoo stuff. At a purely social event, it's less of a concern, but just realize this if it's a professional event.

Wow I'm too shy to ask a man out. I don't support pound me too. Its ridiculous. I like chivalry and being more polite to women but that's bc my family's culture is that way. My dad still holds open doors for women. All I get is men leering at me though with no talk. So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you look like? Are you a catch? Or are you one of those frumpy girls who put too much time into their masters degrees? Are you a workaholic?

Also, define UMC. Does age/race/height matter?

Hi, Op here. I think I am a catch. I was raised conservatively so I waited until marriage to have sex at 29. I am cultured and well traveled. I am a good and kind sister, daughter and friend. I am passionate about my work and making the world a better place although I wish I earned more. I was a live-in nanny for a few years as I completed prestigious unpaid internships and raising those kids was some of the best and most fulfilling times I have had. My parents are what you would say are "nice" people. I know how to host dinner parties and am a wonderful cook. I also have a high sex drive and want it at least once a day. I am goal oriented and clear eyed about what I want. I am mature, thoughtful and silly and goofy.

I don't care so much about race but I want a clean cut well education man with goals and a good head on his shoulders. Someone who wants a family and has high standards for himself and those around him. Salary should be over 120k at least, if we are going to be living locally.

You had me, OP, until your salary requirements.

When does 120,000 in the DMV equal UC/UMC? It is a respectable salary, but definitely not UC

Physician assistants and physical therapists make less so are they just mc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you getting divorced? Why not work on your marriage? Or does your husband earn under 120k so you are going to dump him?

When I met my husband he was an electrician. So according to your standards -a blue collar worker who isn't acceptable. Later after dating a while I found out the incredibly nice guy I met actually owned his own electric company and has several employees. They wire commercial buildings. He has a degree. He makes well over 120k. He is amazing with our kids. He coaches their sports teams, helps them with science fairs, reads books at night to them.

Yep electricians are smart. You can't be dumb to be an electrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.I am recently separated and would like to meet a similar minded professional guy to build a family with.

Uhhh you’re not going to find a guy to build a family with on TINDER

[Anonymous]

OP:

You find a guy by going to places where you’d like a guy to be: museums, church, etc.

You can also volunteer at a hospital and try to meet a doctor.

Running groups are a great place to meet guys. I’m not a runner but dated several guys in my running groups.

UMC guys don’t have time for dating and bars. They work and then do a few social things, like a running group. Join an activity or volunteer.

You’ll never find a future husband on ok Cupid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

You find a guy by going to places where you’d like a guy to be: museums, church, etc.

You can also volunteer at a hospital and try to meet a doctor.

Running groups are a great place to meet guys. I’m not a runner but dated several guys in my running groups.

UMC guys don’t have time for dating and bars. They work and then do a few social things, like a running group. Join an activity or volunteer.

You’ll never find a future husband on ok Cupid!

Great sweat pouring down wheezing as I keep up red face with no makeup sounds great to meet guys.