I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Where I live, the biggest need for foster homes is for foster parents willing to take in teen girls with babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You handle it by taking her to an abortion clinic.

+1

It's the best decision for everyone.

Agreed.

Except OPd grandchild, of course

OP is she in a relationship with the father?

Try reading the post before you comment, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I was the pp who came across as extremely critical of your DD. I'm not in the camp of "this isn't fair to you," - it's not, but as parents, we know that things happen with our kids (either within or not within their control) that aren't fair to their parents.

I think your DD has made an adult decision to have sex, and it seems, has made an adult decision to get pregnant. I'm not sure why-- and if I were you, I would start there.

I think the outcomes are probably rosier if it was an accident and she is otherwise a responsible kid-- if this was purposeful or deliberately neglecting using birth control, then I really do think that you should back off offering a lot of tangible support at this point. If you enable one terrible decision, there may be more to follow.

+1

+2. This is solid advice. Any help (financial or otherwise) that you are willing to offer should be contingent upon her getting an IUD as soon as possible after giving birth. I admit to skimming the middle of this thread, but the young man and his parents should be involved in these conversations. They should be on the hook for any child-raising expenses just as much as you are.

[Anonymous]

I was that unmarried teen and did not tell my parents because I knew they would be angry, disappointed and devastated. I took care of it myself and am forever grateful that I could do so legally and safely at 18.

My parents still don’t know but I have told other very close and trusted family and friends, including DH. It was a turning point in my life and helped me to take responsibility for myself. My boyfriend wanted to keep the baby but he was an alcoholic and already struggling financially to get through college. I do not regret my decision, only that I let my boyfriend persuade me not to use birth control during the first week after my period. He told me I couldn’t get pregnant and stupid me let myself be convinced.

I still feel sad that I couldn’t tell my parents but my mother had told me not to come home from college pregnant and had been very strict about dating before I went away. I think it is a good sign that she told you, OP. It means she needs you. I hope you will reach out to her and help guide her on her new path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP still here? How did it happen?

I know birth control can fail and I know some kids are fed inaccurate/incomplete information in religious settings but I grew up with healthcare and comprehensive sex ed and I’m always curious about how this happens to girls today. I’m not just imagining it either - teen pregnancy rates are way, way down due to comprehensive sex ed and access to contraception. I mean she had the internet!

I e heard antibiotics can make the pill ineffective? I always tell my College DD to use double (condom/BCP) if sexually active. I don’t know if this is still true about antibiotics but my guess is teens are t always up to date on issues such as this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that unmarried teen and did not tell my parents because I knew they would be angry, disappointed and devastated. I took care of it myself and am forever grateful that I could do so legally and safely at 18.

My parents still don’t know but I have told other very close and trusted family and friends, including DH. It was a turning point in my life and helped me to take responsibility for myself. My boyfriend wanted to keep the baby but he was an alcoholic and already struggling financially to get through college. I do not regret my decision, only that I let my boyfriend persuade me not to use birth control during the first week after my period. He told me I couldn’t get pregnant and stupid me let myself be convinced.

I still feel sad that I couldn’t tell my parents but my mother had told me not to come home from college pregnant and had been very strict about dating before I went away. I think it is a good sign that she told you, OP. It means she needs you. I hope you will reach out to her and help guide her on her new path.

Did you know this was false? Did you have access to accurate information from school or otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a military veteran and spouse, I do not encourage this.

What happens when her husband deploys and she’s stuck in a far flung base at the age of 19 with a baby? I would suggest staying closer to family and not rush into marriage or military.

I am a military spouse.

Many young wives go "home" to live with their family when their husband deploys. That is temporary. But during the times he is not deployed, she will have a place to live, medical care, and money for necessities like food and toothpaste.

Her family is not responsible for her poor decisions. OP already said her daughter has made questionable one's in the past.

Well, you don't choose a time like this to suddenly lay down a tough love approach and kick 'em to the curb. There is a baby on the way and somebody needs to step up and make sure this innocent little child has a safe, secure place to live along with love and care.

I totally get being angry, frustrated and disappointed by your daughter's choices. She is clearly not making wise decisions for herself and still has some growing up to do.

[Anonymous]

My SIL got pregnant as a teen and everything turned out wonderfully. She had hard times of course and she didn't rely too much on her mom. In fact, she was determined to be independent. And now I couldn't imagine it without her oldest girl, who is now pre-med and so super smart.

I'm not specifically pro-life here. I'm just saying that sometimes things work out. SIL is a strong professional, ended up marrying the guy who got her pregnant although that took some years, and has a great family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that unmarried teen and did not tell my parents because I knew they would be angry, disappointed and devastated. I took care of it myself and am forever grateful that I could do so legally and safely at 18.

My parents still don’t know but I have told other very close and trusted family and friends, including DH. It was a turning point in my life and helped me to take responsibility for myself. My boyfriend wanted to keep the baby but he was an alcoholic and already struggling financially to get through college. I do not regret my decision, only that I let my boyfriend persuade me not to use birth control during the first week after my period. He told me I couldn’t get pregnant and stupid me let myself be convinced.

I still feel sad that I couldn’t tell my parents but my mother had told me not to come home from college pregnant and had been very strict about dating before I went away. I think it is a good sign that she told you, OP. It means she needs you. I hope you will reach out to her and help guide her on her new path.

Did you know this was false? Did you have access to accurate information from school or otherwise?

The extremely minimal sex education I had received in school did not cover birth control at all. I was unsure whether it was possible so soon after a period and he was my first boyfriend so I thought he had more knowledge as well as experience. After this happened, I went on the pill. Part of the problem was the strong stigma against premarital sex and that “good girls” didn’t plan on having sex and so didn’t need birth control. It messes with rational decisionmaking when you are young.

[Anonymous]

My parents married at 18, dad went into navy, mom stayed home and had a baby at 20 (not 18). Bot it can be done. Not that I recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS's college girlfriend was pregnant and they both told me. I told DS that I was in no position to offer financial support, and in no position to offer childcare. It was 100% on them. They decided to terminate the pregnancy.

This. If they are adult enough to actually decide to have children they are adult enough to support the child. It would be best to meet with them and tell them what OP can provide and what they can't, so they can move forward with their decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP still here? How did it happen?

I know birth control can fail and I know some kids are fed inaccurate/incomplete information in religious settings but I grew up with healthcare and comprehensive sex ed and I’m always curious about how this happens to girls today. I’m not just imagining it either - teen pregnancy rates are way, way down due to comprehensive sex ed and access to contraception. I mean she had the internet!

I e heard antibiotics can make the pill ineffective? I always tell my College DD to use double (condom/BCP) if sexually active. I don’t know if this is still true about antibiotics but my guess is teens are t always up to date on issues such as this.

Not only antibiotics but also antifungals. See this article for a list: https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/medicines-interfere-birth-control-pills#2

[Anonymous]

One of the most pulled together guy that I know, Colonel W.,
got his girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18. He joined the army to pay the bills. He said he knew there was no other way. They got married at 18. Neither family thought it would work. Family financial support was not an option as they were both from large families in Detroit. Colonel W and wife are still together several decades later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that unmarried teen and did not tell my parents because I knew they would be angry, disappointed and devastated. I took care of it myself and am forever grateful that I could do so legally and safely at 18.

My parents still don’t know but I have told other very close and trusted family and friends, including DH. It was a turning point in my life and helped me to take responsibility for myself. My boyfriend wanted to keep the baby but he was an alcoholic and already struggling financially to get through college. I do not regret my decision, only that I let my boyfriend persuade me not to use birth control during the first week after my period. He told me I couldn’t get pregnant and stupid me let myself be convinced.

I still feel sad that I couldn’t tell my parents but my mother had told me not to come home from college pregnant and had been very strict about dating before I went away. I think it is a good sign that she told you, OP. It means she needs you. I hope you will reach out to her and help guide her on her new path.

Did you know this was false? Did you have access to accurate information from school or otherwise?

The extremely minimal sex education I had received in school did not cover birth control at all. I was unsure whether it was possible so soon after a period and he was my first boyfriend so I thought he had more knowledge as well as experience. After this happened, I went on the pill. Part of the problem was the strong stigma against premarital sex and that “good girls” didn’t plan on having sex and so didn’t need birth control. It messes with rational decisionmaking when you are young.

I don't know how long ago this was but today kids have access to the internet and there is absolutely no question about what causes pregnancy and when you can get pregnant.

Op thinks that her daughter wanted to get pregnant. Some teenage girls romantize having a baby and think that it will mean that their boyfriend will marry them - they'll be instant grown ups. They don't really grasp the reality of what they are doing and just how much responsibility they are taking on. They have no clue how much time and attention a new baby needs. They are clueless when it comes to the sacrifices that they will have to make and what it means to have grown up responsibilities when your friends are all out living their young adulthood completely encumbered. This girl is in for a real reality check. I hope that her parents can pull it together enough to be there for her. She is going to need all the help that she can get.

[Anonymous]

I married at 18, celebrate 30 years in a few months. I know many that had kids and married later that are divorced. It’s not all doom and gloom. How many people posting is this thread were born to teen mothers? I bet a bunch.