What is the primary problem in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

I'm a DH who was this way. Our drives were mismatched. I wanted it every day and she wanted once a week - if that. When we did do it, she usually started with statement like "can we make this quick?" The regular rejection made me resentful. And I did everything I could to remove roadblocks - choreplay, etc. We finally compromised on Sunday every week and then one day during the week (although that hasn't been consistent). The good news is that over the 15 years we've been together my drive has died down and we're pretty much in sync.

I am not against scheduling sex if it helps a married couple, but I just don't get the mechanical nature of the Sunday and one weekday approach. Is it that she literally never comes home from a girls' night out raring to go, or just not frequently enough to make you happy? I am the stronger drive partner as the wife and although I try not to pester my husband more than twice a week, stuff happens and I initiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

So THIS is your primary problem in marriage?
Fantastic!! Then I have some great news: your #1 problem can be easily solved. There's even an "app" for it. Pull out your phone, open the Calendar, and create a new event called Sex, make it recurring every 6 days.

We schedule sex. It works for us. She can relax the other six days of the week, and I can take care of things knowing it won't happen those other days. Not idea, but far better than the tension of rejection and pursuing.

But sex IS relaxing.

[Anonymous]

We don't schedule sex but for some reason Sunday night is usually a sure thing, something that seems to happen without an official plan. We usually have sex one other night during the week and it usually begins with my DH showing a lot of affection early in the evening. Once he starts I'm pretty good about encouraging him. We've been married 35 years and we're lucky that we both still really enjoy sex.

[ddintysons]

d

dintysons wrote:
As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

Yes, yes and yes. Totally sucks.

To the poster at 6/20 11:10 - was there ever a time when he was good to great sex? Did it shift from a "once in awhile quickie" to "quickie = sex"?

Does he have problem with PE? Does he try to connect with you post-quickie or does he pick up his iPhone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

I'm a DH who was this way. Our drives were mismatched. I wanted it every day and she wanted once a week - if that. When we did do it, she usually started with statement like "can we make this quick?" The regular rejection made me resentful. And I did everything I could to remove roadblocks - choreplay, etc. We finally compromised on Sunday every week and then one day during the week (although that hasn't been consistent). The good news is that over the 15 years we've been together my drive has died down and we're pretty much in sync.

I am not against scheduling sex if it helps a married couple, but I just don't get the mechanical nature of the Sunday and one weekday approach. Is it that she literally never comes home from a girls' night out raring to go, or just not frequently enough to make you happy? I am the stronger drive partner as the wife and although I try not to pester my husband more than twice a week, stuff happens and I initiate.

She's just not a night time sex person. If she comes home from a girls night at 10:00, she's going to sleep. Also, she rarely initiates. Every once in a while if a romance novel gets too steamy, she'll initiate. That happens maybe once a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

I'm a DH who was this way. Our drives were mismatched. I wanted it every day and she wanted once a week - if that. When we did do it, she usually started with statement like "can we make this quick?" The regular rejection made me resentful. And I did everything I could to remove roadblocks - choreplay, etc. We finally compromised on Sunday every week and then one day during the week (although that hasn't been consistent). The good news is that over the 15 years we've been together my drive has died down and we're pretty much in sync.

I am not against scheduling sex if it helps a married couple, but I just don't get the mechanical nature of the Sunday and one weekday approach. Is it that she literally never comes home from a girls' night out raring to go, or just not frequently enough to make you happy? I am the stronger drive partner as the wife and although I try not to pester my husband more than twice a week, stuff happens and I initiate.

Do girls nights send you home in the mood? Maybe thats another solution. Men should make sure their wives are getting a girls night regularly.

[Anonymous]

My wife does not respect me because I am not successful enough in my career. I think I do OK in the other areas of life, but making $70k with no benefits in middle age doesn't cut it with a lot of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

So THIS is your primary problem in marriage?
Fantastic!! Then I have some great news: your #1 problem can be easily solved. There's even an "app" for it. Pull out your phone, open the Calendar, and create a new event called Sex, make it recurring every 6 days.

We schedule sex. It works for us. She can relax the other six days of the week, and I can take care of things knowing it won't happen those other days. Not idea, but far better than the tension of rejection and pursuing.

But sex IS relaxing.

NP here.
Are you really that clueless?
It's not relaxing to have sex with an overweight guy who can't get you off and who needs 30 pornstar positions to finish.
Not relaxing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

I'm a DH who was this way. Our drives were mismatched. I wanted it every day and she wanted once a week - if that. When we did do it, she usually started with statement like "can we make this quick?" The regular rejection made me resentful. And I did everything I could to remove roadblocks - choreplay, etc. We finally compromised on Sunday every week and then one day during the week (although that hasn't been consistent). The good news is that over the 15 years we've been together my drive has died down and we're pretty much in sync.

I am not against scheduling sex if it helps a married couple, but I just don't get the mechanical nature of the Sunday and one weekday approach. Is it that she literally never comes home from a girls' night out raring to go, or just not frequently enough to make you happy? I am the stronger drive partner as the wife and although I try not to pester my husband more than twice a week, stuff happens and I initiate.

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along). I see it happens to sex starved wives too, I have met some and gave into temptation with one.

Sex and money are the top two problems in a marriage, for a reason.

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:d

dintysons wrote:
As a wife who never, ever gets more than a quickie from her husband, I can tell you it's not a satisfying sex life, and yes, I am tempted to stray.

Never? No, oral or manual love first? And, by "quickie" you mean he has an orgasm and you do not?

Yes, yes and yes. Totally sucks.

To the poster at 6/20 11:10 - was there ever a time when he was good to great sex? Did it shift from a "once in awhile quickie" to "quickie = sex"?

Does he have problem with PE? Does he try to connect with you post-quickie or does he pick up his iPhone?

At the very beginning, yes. It was almost always a quickie though. He was a bit better at foreplay early on. No PE. He generally picks up a book, he's not big on cuddling afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

I'm a DH who was this way. Our drives were mismatched. I wanted it every day and she wanted once a week - if that. When we did do it, she usually started with statement like "can we make this quick?" The regular rejection made me resentful. And I did everything I could to remove roadblocks - choreplay, etc. We finally compromised on Sunday every week and then one day during the week (although that hasn't been consistent). The good news is that over the 15 years we've been together my drive has died down and we're pretty much in sync.

I am not against scheduling sex if it helps a married couple, but I just don't get the mechanical nature of the Sunday and one weekday approach. Is it that she literally never comes home from a girls' night out raring to go, or just not frequently enough to make you happy? I am the stronger drive partner as the wife and although I try not to pester my husband more than twice a week, stuff happens and I initiate.

Do girls nights send you home in the mood? Maybe thats another solution. Men should make sure their wives are getting a girls night regularly.

Yes, almost all the time.

[Anonymous]

That I'm no longer friends with the only two people who cared enough to come to our destination wedding so now I need to get divorced and remarried so I can have good memories of my wedding day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

So THIS is your primary problem in marriage?
Fantastic!! Then I have some great news: your #1 problem can be easily solved. There's even an "app" for it. Pull out your phone, open the Calendar, and create a new event called Sex, make it recurring every 6 days.

We schedule sex. It works for us. She can relax the other six days of the week, and I can take care of things knowing it won't happen those other days. Not idea, but far better than the tension of rejection and pursuing.

But sex IS relaxing.

NP here.
Are you really that clueless?
It's not relaxing to have sex with an overweight guy who can't get you off and who needs 30 pornstar positions to finish.
Not relaxing at all.

You do all that once a week? Okay, that's crazy.

[Anonymous]

I read this forum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it.

I'm a DH who was this way. Our drives were mismatched. I wanted it every day and she wanted once a week - if that. When we did do it, she usually started with statement like "can we make this quick?" The regular rejection made me resentful. And I did everything I could to remove roadblocks - choreplay, etc. We finally compromised on Sunday every week and then one day during the week (although that hasn't been consistent). The good news is that over the 15 years we've been together my drive has died down and we're pretty much in sync.

I am not against scheduling sex if it helps a married couple, but I just don't get the mechanical nature of the Sunday and one weekday approach. Is it that she literally never comes home from a girls' night out raring to go, or just not frequently enough to make you happy? I am the stronger drive partner as the wife and although I try not to pester my husband more than twice a week, stuff happens and I initiate.

My DW has girls nights all the time and never, ever comes home raring to go. Nor after date night. The only time she shows some desire for sex before we get started is on vacation without the kids, which happens one, maybe two weekend a year.

I get this is hard to fathom in an otherwise good marriage where no one got out of shape and there is no resentment. It happens to a lot of women, notice the men on the board who honestly have no idea what happened to the sexual vixen they married (after the kids come along). I see it happens to sex starved wives too, I have met some and gave into temptation with one.

Sex and money are the top two problems in a marriage, for a reason.

My husband is fat and out of shape, and doesn't have much of a drive. He does much less around the house. Yet I put aside my resentment because I want to maintain a connection with him, and I just plain like sex.