DD's teacher won't call her by her nickname

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher, but not a classroom teacher. Some of the kindergarten teachers at my school insist on calling students by their formal names, even though the students don't go by their formal names. Their reasoning is that the students need to know their first names and be able to spell it, read it, etc.

Let me say first that I don't agree with this and have had many conversations with them but they won't budge on their thinking. These are the teachers who should be thinking about retirement soon IMO (not just for that reason of course--but it's one example of how rigid thinking can inhibit relationship building with students).

It is more of a cultural thing with most of my students. In some cultures people have a first name, but actually go by their middle name. The kids are too shy (or don't speak enough English) to correct the teachers. Sometimes we don't know the name kids go by until a family member comes to pick them up and asks for "Samantha" and we know her as "Diana".

I do see a need to draw the line somewhere though. We had a student who would not respond to anything but "Godzilla King Kong" and another who would only say his name was "Giraffe." So there's that.

OP- maybe your child's teacher has the same views as some of the teachers at my school. Maybe tell the teacher that you plan to work with your daughter at home to make sure she can read and write her given name, but you don't plan to call her anything but Bella and you'd appreciate if she did too. Good luck!

So as a non classroom teacher you have no clue how hard it is to establish order in the room? You have to shut down the nicknames early on.

That's just silly. The kid is asking to be called by a really obvious nickname for her full name. She's not asking to be called Captain Underpants. I'm a Katherine who's always been a Kathy. Never did I have a teacher who refused to call me Kathy because my legal name is Katherine. It's not that hard. This is a first grader we're talking about. If in first grade my teacher insisted on calling me Katherine, I would have thought she was mad at me. My parents only called me Katherine when I was in trouble!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a question for OP.
Is Bella bothered by the incorrect name as well, or is it more you? Could Bella be feeding off of your feelings?
Should the teacher respect your wishes in terms of a name? Yes. But if it isn't truly bothering Bella -- and actually bothering you -- let it go.

Kids change nicknames all the time. Maybe that's why the teacher doesn't want to use nicknames and start the habit.

Bella honestly doesn't think to respond when someone says Izzy or Isabella. They may as well be saying Jennifer or Caroline. She knows her full name is Isabella and how to spell/write that, but she feels it's as relevant to know as her middle name.

She told me last night that she thinks the teacher hates her because she didn't reply when her name was called, AND other kids at her table were talking and the whole table got spoken to which Bella thinks means the teacher thinks she was talking, but she is too intimidated by the teacher to go clear things up and let her know she wasn't talking.

As a former 1st grade teacher I can say unequivocally that if the whole table of students was talking, it is very unlikely that Special Snowflake (isa)Bella was completely silent. Come on. You clearly don't know kids and you are that mom who thinks your snowflake is perfect.

What is (isa)Bella going to do when she has to take a standardized test and write ISABELLA on the form? Will she need a xanax? What will you do at graduation when the complete and full names are called? Will she miss her turn because she won't notice being called ISAbella?

OMG, you're ridiculous. She's 6. She wants to be called by the name she's always called by. What a-hole wouldn't honor that. As a person who grew up being called by my nickname all my life, I can tell you with great certainty that it did not hinder my ability to write my full name on forms. You can't possibly believe the crap you're dishing out.

[Anonymous]

We immediately started calling our DS by his nickname upon birth. But we always introduce him by his formal name outside the family. I'd always assumed teachers and those that don't know him well would use the formal name. I think it's an indication on the nature of the relationship..and his friends would use the nickname.

I guess we will see as DS isn't in school yet. Maybe he will want the adults to use the nickname.

In any case, I think everyone should use the name that the person prefers. Jen is not Jenny or Jennifer. Use the name!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. how many kids are in the class? My husband teaches 2nd grade and has a hard time learning all the kids names as they are on the roster, and then to be asked to remember everyone's nickname in the first or two would be excessive for 20+ kids.

2. Cut the teacher a break and be grateful she knows your child's name at all. If it is that meaningful to you, talk to the teacher. Ask her if it would be ok for you to put a nametag on your child or your child's desk for the first few weeks to help her remember the child's name.

Before my husband became a teacher (after two decades doing something else), I would have been "that" parent. Don't be "that" parent or throw a teacher under the bus. Communicate your priority to the teacher in a respectful manner and realize you are not the only parent with a request of the teacher at the beginning of the year.

Put in perspective that if you insist on your child being called something other than the way you named her or registered for school, and then later you have more requests, the teacher may consider you to be one of "those" parents even if you don't mean to be. Put this request in priority perspective before you become too demanding.

This is such a mixed-bag of responses. I find this post dispiriting. A first or second grade teacher can't learn a whopping 20 names of people who are with him 6 hours a day? Sure, I can see for some how it would take a few days, but how many kids have nicknames to remember? If OP's teacher or other elementary school teacher can't call a child by their preferred name, they are showing a lack of respect to that child. Children are humans too, with name identities. If she can't remember it, I would go to the principal. FWIW, my my most common advice on these boards re teachers and schools is "chill out." This is one time I think it's a legitimate concern/complaint.

[Anonymous]

There are seriously people on this board who think it is not a legitimate request for a child to be called by their preferred name? Grade school classrooms of full of Jimmys, Billys, Katies, Lizzies, Jacks, and Toms. I have never ever ever ever heard of that being a problem for a school. Never have I heard of a school having a "legal first name only" policy. That's just totally whackadoodle.
Clearly the school is willing to call children by their nicknames because they ASKED for the name on the form (as do most schools.)

OP, of course you're right to be upset. Now I probably wouldn't go to the principal over it, but I would stop by at a convenient time, during drop off or something, and nicely remind the teacher that your daughter goes by Bella. Repeat as needed. (I'd also tell Bella to start responding to Isabella so that she doesn't totally piss off the teacher in the mean time.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little confused. If you only call her Bella and prefer that she is called Bella, then why did you name her Isabella? Why didn't you just name her Bella?

I'm the pp in the thread, just reading the responses. Did you ever think the child wants to be called by Bella? I have a formal Christian name and I've always wanted it shortened; yes, by first grade I was insisting on it. I had an awesome first grade teacher, so she called me by my nickname. There are several of spellings and nicknames for my name, so I would meet people and they'd call me by another of the nicknames, and it made me cringe. I never legally changed my name, so it still shows up, but I intensely dislike it. And, I would intensely dislike someone who couldn't care less about calling me by the name I use. For all we know Bella may be Bella forever. My sister changed the spelling of her nickname in elementary school and never had a problem with the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Maybe part of the problem is that nowadays plenty of parents name the child "Bella" on the birth certificate -- it's a real name of its own -- so switching an Isabella to "Bella" seems like switching to a different name, which probably belongs to at least one other girl in the class anyway.

I sympathize, OP, but I also feel sorry for teachers who have to deal with the name craziness of the past years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe part of the problem is that nowadays plenty of parents name the child "Bella" on the birth certificate -- it's a real name of its own -- so switching an Isabella to "Bella" seems like switching to a different name, which probably belongs to at least one other girl in the class anyway.

I sympathize, OP, but I also feel sorry for teachers who have to deal with the name craziness of the past years.

What name craziness of the past years? This is a sincere question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teacher will call your child whatever he or she wants, unless you have contracted otherwise. Don't like it? Leave.

Oh yes. My name is Elizabeth, but my first grade teacher called me Darlene because that's what she wanted. Why do we even bother trying so hard to pick out baby names, when teachers can call us what they want? Well, my son's name is William, but goes by will. We're drawing up contracts with our lawyer for Kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. how many kids are in the class? My husband teaches 2nd grade and has a hard time learning all the kids names as they are on the roster, and then to be asked to remember everyone's nickname in the first or two would be excessive for 20+ kids.

2. Cut the teacher a break and be grateful she knows your child's name at all. If it is that meaningful to you, talk to the teacher. Ask her if it would be ok for you to put a nametag on your child or your child's desk for the first few weeks to help her remember the child's name.

Before my husband became a teacher (after two decades doing something else), I would have been "that" parent. Don't be "that" parent or throw a teacher under the bus. Communicate your priority to the teacher in a respectful manner and realize you are not the only parent with a request of the teacher at the beginning of the year.

Put in perspective that if you insist on your child being called something other than the way you named her or registered for school, and then later you have more requests, the teacher may consider you to be one of "those" parents even if you don't mean to be. Put this request in priority perspective before you become too demanding.

This is such a mixed-bag of responses. I find this post dispiriting. A first or second grade teacher can't learn a whopping 20 names of people who are with him 6 hours a day? Sure, I can see for some how it would take a few days, but how many kids have nicknames to remember? If OP's teacher or other elementary school teacher can't call a child by their preferred name, they are showing a lack of respect to that child. Children are humans too, with name identities. If she can't remember it, I would go to the principal. FWIW, my my most common advice on these boards re teachers and schools is "chill out." This is one time I think it's a legitimate concern/complaint.

+1

It doesn't like this guy is a very good teacher if he struggles that much to relate to his students on a basic level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little confused. If you only call her Bella and prefer that she is called Bella, then why did you name her Isabella? Why didn't you just name her Bella?

Really? You're "a little confused" about the concept of nicknames? You never had a classmate named William who went by Billy? Never a Nicholas who went by Nick? Never once? Are you playing dumb or truly that sheltered?

I understand the concept of nicknames. What I don't understand is why a parent would have a problem with someone calling their child the name that they have chosen to give them. She chose to give her child the name Isabella. So she should expect that some people will call her child Isabella.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little confused. If you only call her Bella and prefer that she is called Bella, then why did you name her Isabella? Why didn't you just name her Bella?

Really? You're "a little confused" about the concept of nicknames? You never had a classmate named William who went by Billy? Never a Nicholas who went by Nick? Never once? Are you playing dumb or truly that sheltered?

I understand the concept of nicknames. What I don't understand is why a parent would have a problem with someone calling their child the name that they have chosen to give them. She chose to give her child the name Isabella. So she should expect that some people will call her child Isabella.

And she should further expect that, if those people are then asked to please call the child Bella, those people will call the child Bella.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little confused. If you only call her Bella and prefer that she is called Bella, then why did you name her Isabella? Why didn't you just name her Bella?

Really? You're "a little confused" about the concept of nicknames? You never had a classmate named William who went by Billy? Never a Nicholas who went by Nick? Never once? Are you playing dumb or truly that sheltered?

I understand the concept of nicknames. What I don't understand is why a parent would have a problem with someone calling their child the name that they have chosen to give them. She chose to give her child the name Isabella. So she should expect that some people will call her child Isabella.

And she should further expect that, if those people are then asked to please call the child Bella, those people will call the child Bella.

Why? Her given name is Isabella. So some people will inevitably call her Isabella. Don't like it, change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little confused. If you only call her Bella and prefer that she is called Bella, then why did you name her Isabella? Why didn't you just name her Bella?

Really? You're "a little confused" about the concept of nicknames? You never had a classmate named William who went by Billy? Never a Nicholas who went by Nick? Never once? Are you playing dumb or truly that sheltered?

I understand the concept of nicknames. What I don't understand is why a parent would have a problem with someone calling their child the name that they have chosen to give them. She chose to give her child the name Isabella. So she should expect that some people will call her child Isabella.

And she should further expect that, if those people are then asked to please call the child Bella, those people will call the child Bella.

Why? Her given name is Isabella. So some people will inevitably call her Isabella. Don't like it, change it.

Why? Because the polite thing to do, when somebody asks you to call them [name], is to call them [name].

When somebody gives you a business card that says "James Brown", and you say, "Pleased to meet you, James," and he says, "Please, call me Jim," do you call him Jim, or do you say, "No, your name is James, so I will call you James. If you don't want people to call you James, you should change your name to Jim."?

[Anonymous]

I would tell my daughter that she will encounter people like her friends and other adults who will be happy to call her by her preferred nickname. There will be others who, for whatever reason, insist on calling her by her formal name or another nickname. If they are her boss or teacher or client, she can choose to let this dominate their interactions. Or, she can go about her business, choose considerate people to work and socialize with when possible and not let the few jerks get to her.