Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, this is disturbing. How incredibly bigoted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the AA posters, can you please explain the low self esteem thing. Does this apply to all men dating/ marrying outside their race, AA men with asian women or just AA men with white women? Sounds like poppycock to me. How can you generalize so much? Maybe its true love, maybe its that they dont want the weight of your chip/ insecurities on them.... how can you know why 2 people end up together?

This is not a one size fits all thing. But in my experience:

-Black men who date white women (especially those who exclusively date white women) are not manly. They have probably been rejected by black girls growing up for being "soft, nerdy, etc" and grew resentful about these same girls wanting "thugs". They form their opinions of black women off of their experiences with black girls and because they feel they will never measure up in the "manly" department, they reject black woman outright and date white women. These white women usually view black men as manly (because white men in comparison have been stereotyped as not being as masculine).

-Some black men date white woman because they view them as easy catches and/or easy to get over on. They probably come from a background of strong, aggressive, loud black women and want something completely opposite. Rather than realizing that black women are not all the same, they go the other direction and seek out white women because they feel they would be more submissive and/or meek.

-They want to reach a higher socio-economic ladder. Let's face it...if you want to get ahead and be successful, you need to have connections. Being black will only get you so far; to reach and mingle with the higher echelons of society, you need to get in good with white people. What better way for a successful and educated black man to go even "higher" than marrying a white woman who can get him to this level of access?

-They equate having a white woman with being on equal footing with a white man. In a society where you grow up thinking/believing that white men "have it all", being able to date/marry a white woman proves you've "made it" and are equal with white men.

These are just a few examples off the top of my head.

Not disturbing...true. Of course, if you're not black, you don't get it. And that's fine, but it doesn't change reality.

[Anonymous]

Quincy Jones has low self esteem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quincy Jones has low self esteem?

NP here. I don't know about low self-esteem. However, in his book he did acknowledge that he despised Black women. He despised his mother who had psychological issues and thus he always equated Black women to his mother. So, there is definitely some self-hating going on there. All his wives were white.

On a different note, I would not be upset if my handsome, talented, smart Black son bought a non-Black girl home. Afterall, during my dating days, I dated and almost married outside my race and religion. I would however be deeply disappointed and dismayed if my son decided to date "white only". I understand that people have preferences, but when you systematically reject the very color that gave you life, wiped your arse and nose, nutured, loved and cared for you, I believe there is some serious issues going on. You can call it what you want, but as a mother, I would have failed in not raising a son to a man who loved everything about who he is, including his sisters and moma. My husband would have failed in helping his son recognize that beauty and strenght of Black women despite what Hollywood and magazines project. My husband would have failed in inparting into his son the struggles and heartaches Black women have endured in this country since the beginning of this country and yet they still rise to ensure that their sons become men in hostile territory.

So, he can date and marry an Asian, White, Hispanic woman without judgment. But, if he self-selects out during the dating cycle, he will hear about how he was raised to love himself and try to figure out why he hates that which is apart of himself.

I feel the same way for my daughter, but for some reason feel that my son should make more of an effort.

You can call me all the names you want, but if you don't get it, you just don't get it. And, it is easy to make accusations sitting in your chair of privilege as a white woman. As an unattactive, just-white, slightly obese white woman, you still sit in a chair of white privilege in these United States. As a white man, well I don't think anyone would disagree that your chair of privilege is a throne.

[Anonymous]

I am a mixed race woman married to AA man. My children identify as AA.

I would not mind if they dated any race. I would be lying, however, if I said that I did not have concerns based on my own experiences.

My dad is White and was ostracized by his family for marrying my mom. His family wanted nothing to do with us and I have only seen my paternal grandparents twice. It took a tremendous toll on my mom and it was one of the major reasons that my parents divorced. My mom still gets emotional at some of the things his family put her through.

Also for me, being a mixed race child in a town short on racial diversity was incredibly tough. Do not get me wrong, I had a lot of friends. But I also had my share of heartaches because of intolerant parents. So I would be welcoming, but I would also be very nervous about them dealing with what I had to deal with.

It is funny though being on 2 sides of this and this thread illustrates it. A lot of (NOT all) White parents are very nervous of their daughters dating AA boys. They often are shocked to learn that AA parents are just as nervous about their AA boys dating White girls. It is actually a comedy of ignorance.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mixed race woman married to AA man. My children identify as AA.

I would not mind if they dated any race. I would be lying, however, if I said that I did not have concerns based on my own experiences.

My dad is White and was ostracized by his family for marrying my mom. His family wanted nothing to do with us and I have only seen my paternal grandparents twice. It took a tremendous toll on my mom and it was one of the major reasons that my parents divorced. My mom still gets emotional at some of the things his family put her through.

Also for me, being a mixed race child in a town short on racial diversity was incredibly tough. Do not get me wrong, I had a lot of friends. But I also had my share of heartaches because of intolerant parents. So I would be welcoming, but I would also be very nervous about them dealing with what I had to deal with.

It is funny though being on 2 sides of this and this thread illustrates it. A lot of (NOT all) White parents are very nervous of their daughters dating AA boys. They often are shocked to learn that AA parents are just as nervous about their AA boys dating White girls. It is actually a comedy of ignorance.

This is the kind of post that makes wading through so much DCUM nonsense worth it.

Thanks for posting.

Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

Very interesting question.

I know my neighbor who is black, will not her her daughter date an AA. I'm sending her this thread and see what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

AA here - I would be concerned if my sons had a "rule" that they would only consider dating a woman of X race, no matter what X was. I do not have a daughter, but I imagine that I would feel the same way about her. I do admit that I give non-AA women who only date AA males the side eye and AA males who refuse to date AA women confuse me a bit. For the record, my parents are an interracial couple.

We are religious, not super conservative, but I would prefer a Christian woman since I would want my grandchildren raised as Christians. Religion, including prayer, holidays (celebrated religiously, not just commercially), study and worship are central to our lives. With that being said, however, there is a world full of people out there. My son could wind up studying/working/living and falling in love in India, Tanzania, Brazil, Italy, Russia or anywhere in the world, really. I would accept not only a different ethnicity, but a different nationality. I don't belive that Christianity teaches that we separate ourselves on the basis of color, so I will not pass that stain on the soul of America down to my children.

[Anonymous]

It is funny though being on 2 sides of this and this thread illustrates it. A lot of (NOT all) White parents are very nervous of their daughters dating AA boys. They often are shocked to learn that AA parents are just as nervous about their AA boys dating White girls. It is actually a comedy of ignorance.

Actually, what I have heard is there is much more intolerance in the AA community wrt dating outside their race than there is in the white community. It seems to be the norm.

[Anonymous]

While I was in HS I dated outside of my race; my parents NEVER knew. I knew it would not be acceptable to them so why put myself through all the heartache. I lived in PG County and it was not (I think) frowned upon to date outside of your race. While we would get stares at times in various places ---- one time made to wait 30 minutes before our food arrived (there were a total of about 6 patrons in the place) at a Chinese restaurant in Bethesda, that was the first time (in almost a year of us dating) that I experienced racism for lack of a better word. This incident made me think of what the future could hold for us. Also the fact that he while still in college already had to pay child support.

Eventually, we broke up I was going to college and he was leaving for another city. We kept in touch for about 15 years or so. I have lost touch with him, he was a nice kind guy, who ultimately ended up twice with women who didn't know how to appreciate him for who he was. I went through a divorce and he had broken off his 2nd marriage, we tried to date again but we in two different places. He had two kids from two different woman and I was recently divorced and didn't really know what I wanted...........

I would not bat an eye if my kids dated outside of their race. As I tell them people are people regardless of their skin color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

[Anonymous]

To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is funny though being on 2 sides of this and this thread illustrates it. A lot of (NOT all) White parents are very nervous of their daughters dating AA boys. They often are shocked to learn that AA parents are just as nervous about their AA boys dating White girls. It is actually a comedy of ignorance.

Actually, what I have heard is there is much more intolerance in the AA community wrt dating outside their race than there is in the white community. It seems to be the norm.

PP here. I am not sure that I agree with that. I hope you are not basing that on the few people that have posted here. Honestly though, and I am basing this on my own experience, the most intolerant on interracial dating are the AA women and White males.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

[Anonymous]

I would not be thrilled if my child dated outside of the race. I came from a Catholic/Jewish household and I thought that was messed up enough. I didn't like people saying bad things about one or the other religion and not knowing I had a parent of that religion. It's even tougher with race.