Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

Successful black men are not as common in the black race as it is in other races. I plan to equip my son with the tools to be a success and I'd like for a black woman to find a husband in him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

No racism and no "shoulder chips". Why is the "chip on the shoulder" thing the default when race is discussed in a way that makes you uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

Successful black men are not as common in the black race as it is in other races. I plan to equip my son with the tools to be a success and I'd like for a black woman to find a husband in him.

That doesn't really answer the question - why do you assign different expectations to your kids based on their gender?

Also, maybe it's just me, but I'm much more concerned with my kids' happiness than anything else - I'm uncomfortable using them as pawns in micro-attempts at social engineering, or expecting them to decide who they marry based on my desire to right historic wrongs. The best thing I can do for them is to be open-minded about who they fall in love with, as long as they treat each other well and love each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

Successful black men are not as common in the black race as it is in other races. I plan to equip my son with the tools to be a success and I'd like for a black woman to find a husband in him.

This makes it seem like you are more concerned with the well-being of the sisterhood of black women than your own son's happiness. I find that sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

No racism and no "shoulder chips". Why is the "chip on the shoulder" thing the default when race is discussed in a way that makes you uncomfortable?

I'm not uncomfortable. I'm angry. Hypocrisy of all stripes makes me angry.

And yes, saying that no white woman can be a suitable partner to your black son, and that no white in-laws can be truly accepting and respectful, is absolutely racism. Defining all members of a race by the negative characteristics of some of that race is the very definition of racism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

No racism and no "shoulder chips". Why is the "chip on the shoulder" thing the default when race is discussed in a way that makes you uncomfortable?

PP, "failure as a mom" AA mom here. This HAS to be the best post on the thread! Now AA women are the ROOT of the racism problem in the US!? I am using all restraint here because some posters are eagar to characterize AA women as angry or having chips on their shoulder if they have an unpopular opinion about race in America.

Some White people will never understand but its ok because they don't have too. But my son HAS to understand.

[Anonymous]

*to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

Yes, black women are the root to racism in America. Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the black women posting about their sons not marrying white women: your racism and shoulder chips are the only reason I'd be concerned for my daughter to marry a black man. Do you not see you are the very root of the problem?!

No racism and no "shoulder chips". Why is the "chip on the shoulder" thing the default when race is discussed in a way that makes you uncomfortable?

It's not my default argument at all, it's just what I sensed when I was reading those posts. Full of hate and bad attitude like every white person in the world is out to get you. I'm not uncomfortable either, just annoyed at the blatant racism. The same racism that's been pounded into my head and thereby pounding into my children's heads, as so completely wrong!

[Anonymous]

Why when a Black woman expresses her concerns, fears and desires the immediate retort is that she must have a chip on her shoulder. Did you actually pay attention to their concerns.

What about the white women who came right out and said that they would not want their daughters to marry a black man. Those individuals were not diagnosed and labeled.

Instead of getting into your feelings, why don't you try to listen. Some of the reasons were plausible, if not acceptable.

Ultimately I want my son to be happy and in love. If he falls in love with a white woman, hey he fell in love with a white woman and the mother of my future grandchildren. However, as has been mentioned repeatedly, if he seeks out a white woman, at the exclusion of all others, just because she is white, well yeah I have a problem. I think if your daughter or son sought out a Black man or any other race at the exclusion of white, you might also take pause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious - all the AA mothers who woudl not want their sons to marry outside of their race - do you feel the same way about your daughters?

I posted earlier about not wanting my son to marry a white woman. I would not have a problem with my daughter marrying a non-white man, but like another poster said, I would have a problem if she automatically excluded black men from her dating sphere.

Why the different mindset?

Successful black men are not as common in the black race as it is in other races. I plan to equip my son with the tools to be a success and I'd like for a black woman to find a husband in him.

This makes it seem like you are more concerned with the well-being of the sisterhood of black women than your own son's happiness. I find that sad.

And you don't think her son could be happy with a Black woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is funny though being on 2 sides of this and this thread illustrates it. A lot of (NOT all) White parents are very nervous of their daughters dating AA boys. They often are shocked to learn that AA parents are just as nervous about their AA boys dating White girls. It is actually a comedy of ignorance.

Actually, what I have heard is there is much more intolerance in the AA community wrt dating outside their race than there is in the white community. It seems to be the norm.

Really, then why did most interracial couples find themselves living within the Black communities, and excluded from the white communities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What about the white women who came right out and said that they would not want their daughters to marry a black man. Those individuals were not diagnosed and labeled.

Frankly, I thought it was obvious that she was just a racist fool who didn't warrant a response from me at least. So, I did label her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why when a Black woman expresses her concerns, fears and desires the immediate retort is that she must have a chip on her shoulder. Did you actually pay attention to their concerns.

What about the white women who came right out and said that they would not want their daughters to marry a black man. Those individuals were not diagnosed and labeled.

Instead of getting into your feelings, why don't you try to listen. Some of the reasons were plausible, if not acceptable.

Ultimately I want my son to be happy and in love. If he falls in love with a white woman, hey he fell in love with a white woman and the mother of my future grandchildren. However, as has been mentioned repeatedly, if he seeks out a white woman, at the exclusion of all others, just because she is white, well yeah I have a problem. I think if your daughter or son sought out a Black man or any other race at the exclusion of white, you might also take pause.

We WHITE women that you quote were making of the racist AAs on this thread. Oh, and I guess Barack Obama's dad had inferiority issues or low self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why when a Black woman expresses her concerns, fears and desires the immediate retort is that she must have a chip on her shoulder. Did you actually pay attention to their concerns.

What about the white women who came right out and said that they would not want their daughters to marry a black man. Those individuals were not diagnosed and labeled.

Instead of getting into your feelings, why don't you try to listen. Some of the reasons were plausible, if not acceptable.

Ultimately I want my son to be happy and in love. If he falls in love with a white woman, hey he fell in love with a white woman and the mother of my future grandchildren. However, as has been mentioned repeatedly, if he seeks out a white woman, at the exclusion of all others, just because she is white, well yeah I have a problem. I think if your daughter or son sought out a Black man or any other race at the exclusion of white, you might also take pause.

We WHITE women that you quote were making of the racist AAs on this thread. Oh, and I guess Barack Obama's dad had inferiority issues or low self-esteem.

Not the PP, but I think your are missing her point. Historically, in the mainstream media and society in general, demure White women have been considered the lighthouse of beauty. And for the most part, AA women, with few exceptions, were stereotyped in the opposite way. It is changing now but this is a recent change (within the last generation). Even now, the FLOTUS (who is amazing) is called a gorilla by some ignorant fools. Amongst some circles in the AA community, women believe that it is self-hate to choose to mate with someone who is perceived to be the cultural opposite of your own mother. To most AA women, it is not a matter of who the DC falls in love with, but a purposeful put-down of AA womanhood. Add to that the notion that are not enough "eligible" AA men for all of the "eligible" AA women and that just incites the issue more.

It is hard to conceptualize and explain, because it is a socialization issue.