Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AA mom here. The reason why I believe that AA men that marry white women have low self esteem is because they have to seek white women out for relationships. Because of America's past and present it is easy for a Black man to believe that most black women are unfit for long term relationships. The stereotypes at worse of diseased, baby mama gold diggers and bossy bad attitude bitches at best are worth discussing with my son. There are very few media outlets that portray AA women in a positive light. It is my responsibility as his mom to point out these inaccuracies.

I am not surprised that a White women would be outraged by this. You are the feminine standard that all other races are judged by. Enjoy your throne. I'm not trying to take it from you. I just don't want my son sitting next to you.

I want to train his eye to see the beauty of women that look like him. No else in America will do it for him except his mother. Not self righteous white women, reality shows that always portray Aa women cussing fighting and sexy, movies that make us seem undesireable, videos and music that portray us as whores. There is no balance. That balance is the education I refer to.

+1

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X 1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I, too, but a White women, would be disappointed if my son married a black woman. I guess it is what is...not racism as the AA posters have said, rather wanting a DIL who understands my Irish Catholic ways and who jives with our extended family. God knows I would hate to have to accept someone black just because my n fell in love. There are plenty of white women to fall in love with! And I would definitely tell him how I felt, just like the AA posters would if it were reversed.

Irish Catholic here too, with two sons. Following this logic, you would be disappointed if your son married anyone other than an Irish-Catholic white woman. A WASP, a Jewish woman, a Southern Baptist - none of those would "understand your Irish Catholic ways," correct?

I was talking toungue-in-cheek. Making fun of the AA posters. I am married to a guy from another religion, sister is married to one from another race. All 5 of us married 'outisde' our of our culture. Our parents raised us right! I really was making fun of the racist AAs on this thread. So, please, lighten up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow..lol! I love DCUM but these responses confirm that my AA son should not date or marry a white woman.

The level of self righteousness from some members of the white majority is dangerous for him. But don't worry, when your daughter comes after my son, and she will, I hope to have educated him on this matter and it will be a non-issue because he won't be interested.

You hope to have taught your son that all members of a certain race share certain characteristics and faults? Seems to me there's a word for that...

Not the pp (but I am a black Mom). I hope to educate my son and teach him the value of black women. I hope I am an example to him about all that is beautiful, strong and wonderful about black women. I hope that he understands that a successful black man is a great thing to be and it's even better when you find a black woman who is your equal.

But what if your son falls in love with a white woman? The poster who said that black men who marry/date white women have low self esteem has it wrong. These posts make clear it's the black women who have low self esteem and take it personally when black men (especially their sons) fall in love with women who aren't exactly like them. I didn't marry a man exactly like my father -- that does not mean I don't love and respect my father. Get a grip.

I will answer your question, but realize that telling me to "get a grip" does nothing to further the conversation and only serves to piss me off. Why the need to even go there?

If my son fails in love with a white woman, it will be as I said. I will be deeply disappointed. I wouldn't express it to him (or her), but I would be. That's reality and it won't change to make you comfortable.

It's clear that you are white and, as such, don't really have much "insider" knowledge to know what we are talking about when it comes to the mindset of some black men who marry white women. It's possible that you may not even see it, but I usually can guess whether a black man has a white wife without even knowing beforehand.

And if I said I would be saddened if my white daughter chose to marry your black son, would I then be considered racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned if ,y daughter dated someone from the Midwest. Or a redneck. Or someone who never left the US.

People with no sense of the world around them terrify me. I don't care what color wrapper you are as long as you are smart.

That's pretty funny! You think people from the Midwest have no sense of the world around them, yet you think you do. What wonderful irony!

[Anonymous]

Most. depressing. thread. ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow..lol! I love DCUM but these responses confirm that my AA son should not date or marry a white woman.

The level of self righteousness from some members of the white majority is dangerous for him. But don't worry, when your daughter comes after my son, and she will, I hope to have educated him on this matter and it will be a non-issue because he won't be interested.

You hope to have taught your son that all members of a certain race share certain characteristics and faults? Seems to me there's a word for that...

Not the pp (but I am a black Mom). I hope to educate my son and teach him the value of black women. I hope I am an example to him about all that is beautiful, strong and wonderful about black women. I hope that he understands that a successful black man is a great thing to be and it's even better when you find a black woman who is your equal.

NP, nope not at all!

But what if your son falls in love with a white woman? The poster who said that black men who marry/date white women have low self esteem has it wrong. These posts make clear it's the black women who have low self esteem and take it personally when black men (especially their sons) fall in love with women who aren't exactly like them. I didn't marry a man exactly like my father -- that does not mean I don't love and respect my father. Get a grip.

I will answer your question, but realize that telling me to "get a grip" does nothing to further the conversation and only serves to piss me off. Why the need to even go there?

If my son fails in love with a white woman, it will be as I said. I will be deeply disappointed. I wouldn't express it to him (or her), but I would be. That's reality and it won't change to make you comfortable.

It's clear that you are white and, as such, don't really have much "insider" knowledge to know what we are talking about when it comes to the mindset of some black men who marry white women. It's possible that you may not even see it, but I usually can guess whether a black man has a white wife without even knowing beforehand.

And if I said I would be saddened if my white daughter chose to marry your black son, would I then be considered racist?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Nope not at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow..lol! I love DCUM but these responses confirm that my AA son should not date or marry a white woman.

The level of self righteousness from some members of the white majority is dangerous for him. But don't worry, when your daughter comes after my son, and she will, I hope to have educated him on this matter and it will be a non-issue because he won't be interested.

On a side note, I believe that AA men who marry white women have low self esteem. I try to make daily deposits in son's esteem bank.

Just as likely, he'll see you as an example of black women, recognize your narrow-minded views about race, and run towards the white girls. You're setting yourself for the very rejection of which you're afraid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow..lol! I love DCUM but these responses confirm that my AA son should not date or marry a white woman.

The level of self righteousness from some members of the white majority is dangerous for him. But don't worry, when your daughter comes after my son, and she will, I hope to have educated him on this matter and it will be a non-issue because he won't be interested.

On a side note, I believe that AA men who marry white women have low self esteem. I try to make daily deposits in son's esteem bank.

Wow, you are crazy, racist and ignorant! What a great example you are lady!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most. depressing. thread. ever.

I know. God help any kid out there who finds a genuine connection with someone of a different race, background, or religion.

Helicopter parenting at its ethical worst.

[Anonymous]

We would absolutely be ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's take the case of my sister in law: she dated a man from her own culture and background. He is arrogant, controlling, and disloyal. Unlike my husband and BIL and FIL and every other member of the family who obviously shared the jerk's background.

Then she dated a black man from a bad part of a bad city. He has a drug-dealing brother and a sister who had three children by three different fathers by the time she was 20. This man had worked hard all through school, had gone to a good college on a full academic scholarship, and met my SIL in their grad program. He is soft-spoken and gentle and endlessly patient and giving.

Guess which one she picked? She picked the nice guy. And no one in our family would have had it otherwise. And so I can comfortably say that my daughters can date whatever kind and generous and hard-working man (or woman-- that's another thing that doesn't faze me) they want. We will judge their partners on their personalities and accomplishments and behavior. A rich white guy doesn't get ANY kind of automatic pass from me, just because we might have some superficial similarities.

Best post of the thread. I so appreciate a person, and family, who is willing to judge another family member's potential mate on his or her own merits, and not based on some preconcieved set of stereotypes. Or, as appears to be the case with some of the AA mothers on this thread, based on their own political calculations. So sad, and perpetuating the very thing they are trying to guard against.

[Anonymous]

I can't wait until some of the AA sons referenced in this thread bring home white . . . men. Now THAT'S going to be a party!

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, this is disturbing. How incredibly bigoted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the AA posters, can you please explain the low self esteem thing. Does this apply to all men dating/ marrying outside their race, AA men with asian women or just AA men with white women? Sounds like poppycock to me. How can you generalize so much? Maybe its true love, maybe its that they dont want the weight of your chip/ insecurities on them.... how can you know why 2 people end up together?

This is not a one size fits all thing. But in my experience:

-Black men who date white women (especially those who exclusively date white women) are not manly. They have probably been rejected by black girls growing up for being "soft, nerdy, etc" and grew resentful about these same girls wanting "thugs". They form their opinions of black women off of their experiences with black girls and because they feel they will never measure up in the "manly" department, they reject black woman outright and date white women. These white women usually view black men as manly (because white men in comparison have been stereotyped as not being as masculine).

-Some black men date white woman because they view them as easy catches and/or easy to get over on. They probably come from a background of strong, aggressive, loud black women and want something completely opposite. Rather than realizing that black women are not all the same, they go the other direction and seek out white women because they feel they would be more submissive and/or meek.

-They want to reach a higher socio-economic ladder. Let's face it...if you want to get ahead and be successful, you need to have connections. Being black will only get you so far; to reach and mingle with the higher echelons of society, you need to get in good with white people. What better way for a successful and educated black man to go even "higher" than marrying a white woman who can get him to this level of access?

-They equate having a white woman with being on equal footing with a white man. In a society where you grow up thinking/believing that white men "have it all", being able to date/marry a white woman proves you've "made it" and are equal with white men.

These are just a few examples off the top of my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait until some of the AA sons referenced in this thread bring home white . . . men. Now THAT'S going to be a party!

AA mom here. I'd actually be more okay with a gay son bringing home a white guy. Of the white gays I know, they're fun as hell, down to earth and are compassionate people.