Dating at gender-lopsided universities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

The guys don't because they have been told that they are creeps for asking girls out unless the girl gives over the top signals or has a friend explicitly mentioned their interest.

The othe poster is correct. The girls only want the top 5% guys look wise and ignore the regular guys.

I have boys currently in high school and guys who spent their teen years during the tail end of "Me Too" when it started to get so extreme and anti man instead of just anti predator men.

My current high schoolers and friends are experiencing none of this. But my older boys, normal, smart, kind, normal attractive, have experiences closer to what I and other people described above. Throw in needing to be perfect on social media and the latest push to not even talk to anyone who is remotely moderate or conservative (which includes the majority of young men) then you have what we have now.

Your daughter might not care if a guy is a far left as she is, but when everything they see online say that young women should not date or talk to non liberal guys, then this is the natural outcome.

This. My DS is very open to dating different types of young women but he veers away from the anti-male types, which aren’t uncommon. He says I wouldn’t understand because it’s unique to his generation. Maybe it is.

We keep reinforcing that he has to keep himself together physically and put himself into situations where he has opportunities to get to know a wide variety of people. Maybe a young woman will ask him out because he knows women hate “advances.” So, he’ll try to look pretty for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

The guys don't because they have been told that they are creeps for asking girls out unless the girl gives over the top signals or has a friend explicitly mentioned their interest.

The othe poster is correct. The girls only want the top 5% guys look wise and ignore the regular guys.

I have boys currently in high school and guys who spent their teen years during the tail end of "Me Too" when it started to get so extreme and anti man instead of just anti predator men.

My current high schoolers and friends are experiencing none of this. But my older boys, normal, smart, kind, normal attractive, have experiences closer to what I and other people described above. Throw in needing to be perfect on social media and the latest push to not even talk to anyone who is remotely moderate or conservative (which includes the majority of young men) then you have what we have now.

Your daughter might not care if a guy is a far left as she is, but when everything they see online say that young women should not date or talk to non liberal guys, then this is the natural outcome.

This. My DS is very open to dating different types of young women but he veers away from the anti-male types, which aren’t uncommon. He says I wouldn’t understand because it’s unique to his generation. Maybe it is.

We keep reinforcing that he has to keep himself together physically and put himself into situations where he has opportunities to get to know a wide variety of people. Maybe a young woman will ask him out because he knows women hate “advances.” So, he’ll try to look pretty for them.

Tell him not to hold his breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

The guys don't because they have been told that they are creeps for asking girls out unless the girl gives over the top signals or has a friend explicitly mentioned their interest.

The othe poster is correct. The girls only want the top 5% guys look wise and ignore the regular guys.

I have boys currently in high school and guys who spent their teen years during the tail end of "Me Too" when it started to get so extreme and anti man instead of just anti predator men.

My current high schoolers and friends are experiencing none of this. But my older boys, normal, smart, kind, normal attractive, have experiences closer to what I and other people described above. Throw in needing to be perfect on social media and the latest push to not even talk to anyone who is remotely moderate or conservative (which includes the majority of young men) then you have what we have now.

Your daughter might not care if a guy is a far left as she is, but when everything they see online say that young women should not date or talk to non liberal guys, then this is the natural outcome.

This. My DS is very open to dating different types of young women but he veers away from the anti-male types, which aren’t uncommon. He says I wouldn’t understand because it’s unique to his generation. Maybe it is.

We keep reinforcing that he has to keep himself together physically and put himself into situations where he has opportunities to get to know a wide variety of people. Maybe a young woman will ask him out because he knows women hate “advances.” So, he’ll try to look pretty for them.

And have a witness…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

DP. My daughter lives off campus with her two best friends (seniors). The girls are great friends with the guys who live next door and some pairing off has happened. But it happened organically, by being friends first and then starting to date. I always tell her to try and start a relationship that way. Marry your best friend, etc.

Ah yes, the nice guys who are only “friends” because they are looking for more. There’s something the world needs more of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

The guys don't because they have been told that they are creeps for asking girls out unless the girl gives over the top signals or has a friend explicitly mentioned their interest.

The othe poster is correct. The girls only want the top 5% guys look wise and ignore the regular guys.

I have boys currently in high school and guys who spent their teen years during the tail end of "Me Too" when it started to get so extreme and anti man instead of just anti predator men.

My current high schoolers and friends are experiencing none of this. But my older boys, normal, smart, kind, normal attractive, have experiences closer to what I and other people described above. Throw in needing to be perfect on social media and the latest push to not even talk to anyone who is remotely moderate or conservative (which includes the majority of young men) then you have what we have now.

Your daughter might not care if a guy is a far left as she is, but when everything they see online say that young women should not date or talk to non liberal guys, then this is the natural outcome.

This. My DS is very open to dating different types of young women but he veers away from the anti-male types, which aren’t uncommon. He says I wouldn’t understand because it’s unique to his generation. Maybe it is.

We keep reinforcing that he has to keep himself together physically and put himself into situations where he has opportunities to get to know a wide variety of people. Maybe a young woman will ask him out because he knows women hate “advances.” So, he’ll try to look pretty for them.

And have a witness…

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

Yeah what's wrong with these guys who are 18 or so and make these clumsy advances? It's like they're totally lacking in experience or something.

Obviously we need a mandatory "how to make suave advances" class for high school boys.

No, we really don’t. We need to normalize *not* making advances.

DP. I sincerely hope you’re not one of the parents complaining that no one is asking your daughter out on dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

DP. My daughter lives off campus with her two best friends (seniors). The girls are great friends with the guys who live next door and some pairing off has happened. But it happened organically, by being friends first and then starting to date. I always tell her to try and start a relationship that way. Marry your best friend, etc.

Ah yes, the nice guys who are only “friends” because they are looking for more. There’s something the world needs more of.

What? Tell us, what exactly would you like to see happen here? You don’t want men to make “advances” (asking women out), and you clearly don’t think men and women can be friends (which speaks volumes about you). Do tell - what’s your brilliant solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

DP. My daughter lives off campus with her two best friends (seniors). The girls are great friends with the guys who live next door and some pairing off has happened. But it happened organically, by being friends first and then starting to date. I always tell her to try and start a relationship that way. Marry your best friend, etc.

Ah yes, the nice guys who are only “friends” because they are looking for more. There’s something the world needs more of.

What? Tell us, what exactly would you like to see happen here? You don’t want men to make “advances” (asking women out), and you clearly don’t think men and women can be friends (which speaks volumes about you). Do tell - what’s your brilliant solution?

Arranged marriage like they do in her superior culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

If I want to date someone, I am perfectly capable of asking. And I’m confident that when I do, whether or not I’m successful, it won’t be inappropriate.

Are you actually college age (or just pretending)? Either way, your preferences are not representative. Many women do not want to take the lead in asking men on dates. Furthermore, you're likely not nearly as sophisticated as you think. Men are generally nice to women who show interest, even if the man isn't interested. Thus, they wouldn't make the woman feel like her expression of interest is inappropriate. The opposite is not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is better. Women should be free to study, go to class, work, go to the gym, and attend social events without the risk of being harassed or labeled a b- when we reject clumsy (and they are always clumsy) advances.

Yeah what's wrong with these guys who are 18 or so and make these clumsy advances? It's like they're totally lacking in experience or something.

Obviously we need a mandatory "how to make suave advances" class for high school boys.

No, we really don’t. We need to normalize *not* making advances.

Are you talking about in the workplace or on a college campus? Because you're an idiot if your position is that a man should never try to talk to a woman who attends the same college. Only a very small (and distasteful) percentage of women would agree with you. And many of them are middle aged women on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

No. From what I have heard guys are not making the effort any more. You can google it and get the usual videos with woman complaining that guys are not approaching any more. Who knows if the videos are really but there seems to be a boatload of videos on the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

No. From what I have heard guys are not making the effort any more. You can google it and get the usual videos with woman complaining that guys are not approaching any more. Who knows if the videos are really but there seems to be a boatload of videos on the subject.

Let me get this straight...girls are making videos about guys not making the effort any more? I'm sure those are anchored in truth and without bias. I'd love to hear it from the guy's point of view but it's likely they don't have time to make such videos as they are out with the 5% STUNNING girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

No. From what I have heard guys are not making the effort any more. You can google it and get the usual videos with woman complaining that guys are not approaching any more. Who knows if the videos are really but there seems to be a boatload of videos on the subject.

I guess this is why my skinny STEM kid seems to punch way above his weight with the ladies. He has just never been shy approaching girls since 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

No. From what I have heard guys are not making the effort any more. You can google it and get the usual videos with woman complaining that guys are not approaching any more. Who knows if the videos are really but there seems to be a boatload of videos on the subject.

I guess this is why my skinny STEM kid seems to punch way above his weight with the ladies. He has just never been shy approaching girls since 9th grade.

Curious — does he have sisters?
Everyone was a little surprised that my son is on his second girlfriend but I think the fact that he has sisters gives him some extra cknfidence around girls.

I do think that the guys that know how to talk to girls in a nice way and aren’t scared to do so have some real opportunities here. Basically the bar is pretty low for these boys. Don’t seem like an incel. Don’t seem like you’re days rapey. Don’t be afraid to talk to a girl. Shower and brush your teeth. If you can put on clothes aren’t a just workout clothes and maybe put some product in your hair, you’re way ahead of the game but that’s not even necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

It’s different in 2025. Women need to ask. Men have been taught they will get charged with harassment and guilty first.

Have any of you ever asked a woman out in the past quarter-century? I've never had any problems with this.

That's because sexual harassment is a pattern. Ask once, accept a "no," move along? That's not harassment, and no serious person thinks it is

Not everyone is "serious", and most girls confuse sexual attention with romantic interest and will thus reject a guy at their level because they have (or can easily get) a "date" (sex appointment) with a very attractive guy who has no long term interest in them.

This rings true. My mother didn't really teach me this stuff. She met my dad at 21 and he fell madly in love. So I guess I assumed a guy would fall madly in love with me as well. I had no idea how dishonest they could be. I also didn't realize guys could feel sexual about women they cared nothing for, since for me that would be impossible.

Did your mother really never even tell you "men are dogs" or to "save it for marriage", or anything of the sort? I find that hard to believe.